Pressure about studying

[noomii]

On 4/22/2024 at 12:38 AM, Phil said:

🙂 Not asking if you know (anything). 

 

Are you aware of these words, this screen, right now?

Sorry for this late response.

Yes I am aware.

 

On 4/22/2024 at 12:38 AM, Phil said:

So “it’s about” allowing interpretations to change, such that they are aligned, yes?

Yes

 

On 4/22/2024 at 12:38 AM, Phil said:

The Truth is unbelievably good, so thinking / believing won’t do. Only feeling will do (and not even). 

 

It’s be nearly impossible to continue to focus on what feels discordant (some interpretations), just like it’d be nearly impossible to hold your hand on a hot stove. 

 

Question also where this ‘self in the future’ (of thoughts) is, presently. 🙂

Yes but I believe I can't acknowledge every emotion and question every thought. If it worked and felt easy to do so I would already do that.

 

On 4/22/2024 at 12:38 AM, Phil said:

Maybe expresses blame but doesn’t acknowledge blame as an emotion. 

I guess what I was writing counts as that. 

 

On 4/22/2024 at 12:38 AM, Phil said:

Sounds like more of a giving situation than a getting situation currently. Might be best to fill up first. 

What do you mean with this?

 

On 4/22/2024 at 12:38 AM, Phil said:

You’re more honest with friends than your sister?

Just a friend? Sounds like there’s more love felt for her, not less. 

When I said I feel like I can't be honest with my siblings I meant that I feel like I can't express myself fully and that I need to hold back. I didn't mean that I'm lying to them, although that could happen if I felt fear and want to hide something.

I was that child who was "just telling the truth" but that have always started conflicts.

 

I'm more transparent with friends.

I didn't mean just a friend, I meant that it seems like there are expectations on me as a sibling, that I should stay in contact with family, whereas with anyone outside the family I think I'm more free to just leave whenever I want.

 

On 4/22/2024 at 12:38 AM, Phil said:

Does love equate to not being honest, maybe seem to based on a past experience / current interpretation? 

Maybe sometimes?

 

I met my sister last week on my walk and she said that maybe we could go to the beach this summer with her children before I leave. I said something like "yeah, sure..." if I were honest I would maybe say "No, sorry I don't feel like it". I think that would start a fire. 

[Phil]

18 minutes ago, noomii said:

Yes but I believe I can't acknowledge every emotion and question every thought. If it worked and felt easy to do so I would already do that.

What would you say to someone who said that?

 

20 minutes ago, noomii said:

What do you mean with this?

 

“How does it serve me” vs “how can I be of service to them”. By ‘filling up’ I mean with love. 

 

22 minutes ago, noomii said:

When I said I feel like I can't be honest with my siblings I meant that I feel like I can't express myself fully and that I need to hold back. I didn't mean that I'm lying to them, although that could happen if I felt fear and want to hide something.

I was that child who was "just telling the truth" but that have always started conflicts.

Takes two to tango. 

 

22 minutes ago, noomii said:

 

I'm more transparent with friends.

I didn't mean just a friend, I meant that it seems like there are expectations on me as a sibling, that I should stay in contact with family, whereas with anyone outside the family I think I'm more free to just leave whenever I want.

It can be clarifying to notice you don’t experience anyone else’s thoughts. Otherwise it can seem like the fear is because of what someone else might think about you, and pressure & expectations are coming from your siblings. 

 

35 minutes ago, noomii said:

I met my sister last week on my walk and she said that maybe we could go to the beach this summer with her children before I leave. I said something like "yeah, sure..." if I were honest I would maybe say "No, sorry I don't feel like it". I think that would start a fire. 

It really does take two to tango.

[Phil]

1 hour ago, noomii said:

if I were honest I would maybe say "No, sorry I don't feel like it". I think that would start a fire. 

Is your sister the same way? Behaviors and actions dictated by fear?

[noomii]

On 5/7/2024 at 3:13 PM, Phil said:

What would you say to someone who said that?

Question and feel that thought... feels very off though

 

On 5/7/2024 at 3:13 PM, Phil said:

“How does it serve me” vs “how can I be of service to them”. By ‘filling up’ I mean with love. 

Yes, makes sense, I have felt too unwell to even be present with them

 

On 5/7/2024 at 4:36 PM, Phil said:

Is your sister the same way? Behaviors and actions dictated by fear?

I don't know

[Phil]

On 5/7/2024 at 8:37 AM, noomii said:

Yes but I believe I can't acknowledge every emotion and question every thought. If it worked and felt easy to do so I would already do that.

What about just presently? 

 

These thoughts.. about questioning thoughts… can be questioned too. 

[noomii]

On 5/8/2024 at 11:01 PM, Phil said:

What about just presently? 

 

These thoughts.. about questioning thoughts… can be questioned too. 

Question a thought right now feels too difficult as well.

But yes it makes sense that I can question these thoughts about questioning thoughts, if I want to. 

[Phil]

On 5/12/2024 at 3:29 PM, noomii said:

Question a thought right now feels too difficult as well.

Thought is exceedingly tricky. The thought that questioning a thought is difficult, feels discordant, because it’s effortless. Meditation slows down the believing of thoughts. Lots of space. new & more aligned interpretations naturally arise. 

On 5/12/2024 at 3:29 PM, noomii said:

But yes it makes sense that I can question these thoughts about questioning thoughts, if I want to. 

Yep. ♥️