Deep depression: medication

[Philipp]

Hello

A breakup has triggered a complete downfall of my psyche for 2 years. I had a little bit of a comeback, but it did not lead anywhere and now I am back at the start.

The symptoms are intense:

Suicidal episodes (including believing that only some spiritual miracle can save me - trying to reject my mind) 

Complete Insomnia ( My mind is so crisp. My awareness has a very hard time to move freely. My mind does not want to let go in order to fall asleep. I am extremly fatigued but feel rarely tired. I cant sleep at all. This had gotten better but it got worse again now. )

+the usual depressed symptoms

 

Since I cant sleep I am extremly tempted to use "medication". Benzodiazipines can usually make me fall asleep.

Depression medication has potentially helped me a year ago, but I am extremly skeptical of the overall effect it has

 

Does anyone have a solid opinion on wheter depression medication is only a barrier to healing OR if it can enable it

 

Thank you for advice

[Phil]

In accordance with thoughts, love / feeling amazing, comes from without, or other, such as a relationship. In accordance with reality, love is and comes from within. Let the heartbreak break the heart open, and you are filled with the love which pours out. 

 

8 hours ago, Philipp said:

I had a little bit of a comeback, but it did not lead anywhere and now I am back at the start.

The symptoms are intense:

Suicidal episodes (including believing that only some spiritual miracle can save me - trying to reject my mind) 

Complete Insomnia ( My mind is so crisp. My awareness has a very hard time to move freely. My mind does not want to let go in order to fall asleep. I am extremly fatigued but feel rarely tired. I cant sleep at all. This had gotten better but it got worse again now. )

+the usual depressed symptoms

 

Since I cant sleep I am extremly tempted to use "medication". Benzodiazipines can usually make me fall asleep.

You are not at fault for the discord of any of those thoughts. You’re absolutely innocent. Nonetheless, the discord is of those thoughts. The nature of the thoughts is isolating and separative, which feels discordant to you, awareness, which is already whole, complete, inherently peaceful & fulfilled. 

 

8 hours ago, Philipp said:

Does anyone have a solid opinion on wheter depression medication is only a barrier to healing OR if it can enable it

Medications seem to ‘help’ by numbing the discord, allowing some relief & some clarity. In the long run, discordant thoughts will still feel, discordant. Aligned thoughts feel, aligned. Imo there isn’t a one size fits all answer to this. It’s very ‘where you’re at’, or, ‘being honest with yourself’. Numbing could be relieving & allowing of clarity, and also could be a barrier. Ime several medications were tried, none helped and the side effects worsened the overall experience. Also, some medications are said not to numb, but to open and or connect neural pathways related to better feeling chemistry & physiology. While that isn’t how it went or what was experienced here, some say it was and made all the difference. 

 

BUT… having tried medications and therein directly experiencing that they didn’t help… led to cleaning up the diet, exercising & meditating every morning… and that changed EVERYTHING.