No happy valentines day

[Rose]

Hey all,

 

I have been writing here about the guy I’ve been dating that is a surgeon and lives in Europe.

 

Yesterday he didn’t wish me happy Valentine’s Day and it really upset me. I was waiting for it all day and nothing. He sure had 5 seconds in the bathroom to send me a text, especially since I talked about it the day before. 
 

He is always super busy, we never have the time to talk properly. And when we do talk it’s usually late at night for him, I can’t hear him very well and his headphones are always “in the car” even though I gifted him a pair of airpods specifically so I can hear him better. 
 

This relationship has been effecting all parts of my life. I am less motivated at the gym (his sexual fantasy is me looking weak), I don’t feel attractive anymore (he wants me to get fake boobs), I don’t feel motivated at work (he just wants me to move there without working), I didn’t even tell him when I passed my exam because I know he wouldn’t care.

 

I know you’re gonna say these are all “thoughts” or whatever.. but someone stabbing me in a chest is also just a thought, doesn’t mean I should keep letting them do it..

[Mandy]

So what do you want from a relationship? What do you want from your body? What does wellbeing mean to you? 

[Phil]

🫤

Sorry to hear that.

Happy Valentines Day! 😘 

 

*It’s just a thought ™️ is nothing more than a pointing to the believing of thoughts, or, that thought never actually labels separation ‘in’ perception or sensation. It would be spiritual bypassing to believe that as a concept in aversion of emotion and or feeling. 

 

I really am sorry to hear your relationship isn’t going well. It sounds like you’re experiencing neglect and are unappreciated in your relationship, and that is indeed rough.

 

It's important to prioritize well-being and happiness. Be careful not to invalidate your experience, yourself, your needs and your desires. You deserve to be with someone who respects and cherishes you for who you are. You deserve to be with someone which you can do the same for.

 

Have you communicated with him about this openly and entirely? About how you’re feeling and what you need from the relationship? 

 

If your needs continue to be unmet and the relationship is negatively impacting your life, it may be worth considering whether it's the right fit for you. You deserve to be with someone who uplifts and supports you, both emotionally and mentally. 

[Rose]

10 hours ago, Mandy said:

So what do you want from a relationship? What do you want from your body? What does wellbeing mean to you? 

From a relationship I want someone who hears me and treats me like I matter. From my body I want being able to fall asleep easily, strength and lightness so I can enjoy my fitness classes. Wellbeing means being well rested, having enough sleep, eating a healthy nourishing meal, not having anxiety and being calm.

[Rose]

10 hours ago, Phil said:

Happy Valentines Day! 😘 

Thank you, happy Valentine’s Day to you too! ❤️

 

10 hours ago, Phil said:

Have you communicated with him about this openly and entirely? About how you’re feeling and what you need from the relationship? 

I have communicated it, he said the boobs and body thing was just him “saying stupid things”, that he is sorry, that he wants to change and he wants me to be happy. He said we need to meet and discuss our relationship. Let’s see how it goes.

[Phil]

@Rose

Might be a deflection go-to for him. Sometimes humor, self depreciation and ‘I want to change’ are employed this way. If so. It’s like saying I want my unicorn to change. The odds in both cases (him & unicorns changing) are zero. It’s actions & behaviors he wants to change, if in fact he’s being honest at all (I have no idea of course). Actions & behaviors are symptomatic of interpretations. Interpretations change as emotions are allowed to be acknowledged and received. Then actions & behaviors change. 

 

Something my wife and I have come to see over the years… on behalf of each of us…  if (‘my’) happiness is contingent on you in any way… that’s conditional happiness, and it’s as real as a unicorn. Happiness experiencing desires, as in and then desires, which are fleeting & come and go - is real happiness. Whenever fulfillment of desires is believed to be prior to happiness, believed to lead to happiness… happiness is obscured.  

[Mandy]

10 hours ago, Rose said:

From a relationship I want someone who hears me and treats me like I matter. From my body I want being able to fall asleep easily, strength and lightness so I can enjoy my fitness classes. Wellbeing means being well rested, having enough sleep, eating a healthy nourishing meal, not having anxiety and being calm.

❤️ I'd suggest you ask yourself this in depth and journal about it, write down the main points on your dreamboard or somewhere else if you don't have one, so you can see them at a glance. Then ask yourself what you want at the start of every day. Speak what you want. The journaling prompt, "if this was a utopian fairytale world, what would I want?", can help to really shake loose any  beliefs that block determining what you want. If it feels uncomfortable at first, all the better. There isn't going to be any temptation or feeling of obligation to become something to please someone else if you're clear on what you want. And that means no resentment, no more flip flop between wanting someone's attention and then resenting them. 

 

Perhaps the upsetting things about the boyfriend are just a manifestation of what you believe society wants and needs from you? There isn't any society or culture that has come to any agreements about what they want from anyone at all, especially not for women in your age group, and society isn't an entity that can accept or reject you, ever. Men as a whole can't accept or reject you. You can't actually align yourself with society or men, or any group at all, you can only align yourself with what you really want. 

[Phil]

I promise I’ll chill out on this picture for a while…. But it’s worthwhile to consider that not having some thing which doesn’t actually exist, is a belief, a thought loop. 

Whereas going ‘the other way’ (to the left, inside the sphere on the left) is not aversion or attempting to be without something, but rather is embracing what already is actual and felt. That tiny “feeling” is not red by coincidence.