Wild Abandon

[Mandy]

What's a motivation, and what is manipulation? A motivation is a desire that's been hijacked by a separate self. It needs to obtain or secure something for itself. It's the willingness to work and act from emotions that are discordant (manipulation) rather than moving towards passion and letting passion and joy run the show, the true desire. 

 

Wanting to be liked is a motivation. We might not fully investigate motivations, like the monster under the bed. 

 

Every motivation has the seed of a true desire in it, the desire for love is there in wanting someone to like you. Non manipulation is not caring what they think, but loving them anyway, acting out of love which sometimes looks like saying something they won't like. 

 

 

[Mandy]

It's really interesting to understand how incentives and differing interests work. 

 

Woah. https://www.etymonline.com/word/incentive

 

Separate self be hijacking all incentives. Pleasure turns to addiction. Synergy to manipulation. 

 

__________________________________________________________________

 

Impatience. Enthusiasm and passion turned to the awareness that it isn't. 

 

We could blow the doors off this place. STOP MESSING AROUND EVERYONE. Am I above it? I seems. 

 

No, I'm not above it. Ahh... relief and hilarity. 

 

Am I annoyed because I'm not up to snuff? Or do I just want to drop the annoyance and the focus on the conditions. 

 

Hi everyone, I'm a condition. 

 

I'm not the problem, I am, but I'm not the problem. It's not that I'm the problem and not that I'm NOT the problem, just that I'm not. 

 

It sound so ridiculous. You really need to make it sound more enticing to people. 

 

To people. 

 

Yes, I am here to explain myself to others and to please and entertain. EVERYONE WILL LOVE ME. 😐 

 

Awww... shit. My logic doesn't math. BUT IT FEELS SO OFF WHEN PEOPLE DON'T CONNECT! I want them to connect. Imagine discovering the grand Canyon and everyone's like "we don't care" and they don't bother to want to see it. Only instead of the Grand Canyon, it's so far beyond grand and so immediate that you can't describe or give directions. You can't even say it's grand. 

 

You're doing it right now. This is already it, it's so easy. 

 

The expression of it is completely in line with it? Being done now without doing, already here?

 

Yes. 

Every knee shall bow to Nothing and No One. Everyone will get it eventually. They already do. 

 

Then I'm just left with my impatience. 

 

 Perfect vibrational match. 

 

😂

 

I want to be gotten!

 

No one gets it. 

 

It's self love, you just get confused as to what self is.

 

What if you never get the top of the hill, what would you do? 

 

It's being done anyway. See above. 

 

Above, you're so funny.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Mandy]

Saying it can't be communicated is communicating it. 

 

You might have thought you decided you aren't, but you are. 

 

Conceptualized, owned, taught, applied nonduality, enlightenment, awakening, God-consciousness, spirituality is the most ridiculous show, with no people, only apparent caricature actors of what already IS. Fear, revere and shame all depend on the teacher, the presenter, the one being observed that the observer dare to deem with thought better than or worse than. Oh the art-ifice. The only grift is shame.

 

grift

1906 (n.); 1915 (v.), U.S. underworld slang, perhaps a corruption of graft (n.2).

also from 1906

 

 

https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=slang

 

1756, "special vocabulary of tramps or thieves" or any set of persons of low character, later "jargon of a particular profession" (1801). The sense of "very informal language characterized by vividness and novelty" is by 1818.

 

Oh burn. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Mandy]

How charmed we are with idealism, with a story. https://www.amazon.com/Education-Little-Tree-Forrest-Carter/dp/0826328091 

 

"A story to stay with you for a long time. So much to learn from the Native culture. Our ignorance has gotten us into more trouble than we care to admit."

 

There's the fact that it was written by a white man who also wrote speeches in favor of segregation and total BS sold as a true story. 

 

The real story is first disturbing. The reader is charmed by the characters tricking other people, not realizing they're currently being tricked by the author. Or are they, if he's dead now, and the books are still tricking people proclaiming "true story." 

 

True story. 

 

https://www.npr.org/2012/04/20/151037079/the-artful-reinvention-of-klansman-asa-earl-carter "Most people who loved the book couldn't imagine that a former Klansman, racist, anti-Semite could have written The Education of Little Tree," Dan Carter says. But the genius of the book is that people took what they wanted out of it.

"One way you look at it, it's a tree-hugger book," Taylor says. "But the other way, it's a right-wing, government-leave-me-alone book. That's how I took it."

 

 

 

"It is my intention to see what I want to see."  -Abraham 

 

That hits different when your intuition lead you to pull this book off the shelves and read it. 

 

Holy crap. It's happening all the time, I see how I want to see. 

 

I don't know how to point out the I. 

 

Is that what you're wanting to believe? 

 

It took two I's to write the sentence, it starts and ends with I. There aren't two. Is it enough to say that it is not two? The I is two. 

 

First person. 😂

 

Second person. 

 

Third person. 

 

https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=first

 

First person would be before person. 

 

 

 

[Mandy]

 

 

 

It's funny when it's dogs. Hard to stop thinking one's a human. Hard to want to stop when you're being the Labrador, easy when you're being the Pug. It's better to be the Pug, blessed be the meek for they shall inherit the earth. Or some crap. 

 

PESSIMISSM. I KNOW. 

 

 

THERE'S MORE CAKE WHERE THAT CAME FROM. MOMMY IN THE SKY HAS INFINITE CAKE. 

[Mandy]

My dog died this morning, the Doberman I had to give up to my parents when I had my son. I feel guilt about not spending time with her in the past couple days. This isn't a fun story to tell. 

 

I need to work, to be focused to make cookies for this stupid supper because I said I would, to get work done...

 

I asked my mom if she had a map I could borrow for eclipse chasing and she brought me an almanac, and in the back were four pastels I did when I was 19 or so that I completely forgot about. It seemed like such magic. It was that feeling like when you're a kid burying things in a sand pile trying to forget them so you can have the fun of discovery.  Before I had no way to frame them and nowhere to display them and now I have empty walls and empty frames. 

 

What's a game of chicken if there aren't two people playing? 

 

Perfect timing. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Mandy]

Sometimes posting these entries feels like sharing rough notes. Math teachers want to see your work behind the answer, but does everyone need to see the work? I think it's helpful. I have no idea if it's helpful. I never arrive at an answer, it's only finding a feeling. 

 

The distrust is in the feeling. It seems to be in the thing or person because of the belief that people, things and circumstances can cause happiness. But happiness, or alignment or peace is unconditional, not dependent on anything, on its own. Do we believe this though? I seem like preaching. Huh, I thought I wrote "It seems like preaching." You can have your cake and eat it too. See above two entries, video "Labrador Birthday" Dog mom knows exactly what's gonna happen. It's a Labrador. That's why it's funny. 

 

seems

 

So if you turn it into a belief, hahah! no it! Nothing can make you happy. Well no, that's not true either. If you know that it won't make you happy. 

 

Ha. 

 

 

With zero insistence on the outcome. 

 

Thought so sneaky. 

 

Thought hijacks. 

 

Oh no, you first, I insist! 

 

He's just saying to find the feeling first, forget the rest. 

 

I watched another Bashar video and someone said "I understand it intellectually". He shut that down, pointing it out as a line that everyone says. How true. Just find the feeling, that's why you say you get it intellectually, you just haven't found the feeling. You want to find the feeling, and that's it. 

 

Be willing to change the subject. Does Dollar General sell almond milk? What am I supposed to be doing right now? "What am I supposed to be doing right now." What a way to phrase a question.

 

What excites me most to do right now? Well, that's a dangerous question. I want to eat a lot of chocolate, but I'm not sure if that's exciting, I think it will lead to excitement or pain of some kind. It's procrastichocolate. 🙂 Getting my event put on quickly, and getting the kitchen cleaned up, getting ready for a trip. DO I NEED TO BRING A SHOVEL? WHY IS MY ONE OUTING in two months TO THE F-ING NORTH WOODS? I've tried to go places but we get storms, and plans get canceled because March.   Humor kind of fell into pessimism there. It is very humorous that I have attracted this after complaining about how boring driving north is because I had to do it four times last year. 

 

I actually want, what actually excites me... is staying focused and doing what I want to do today, cleaning the car, preparing food and shovels, doing work in a timely fashion. What actually excites me is what seems boring.

 

Seems. 

 

 

 

[Mandy]

The power of illusion, not the illusion of power. -Paraphrased Bashar quote. 

[Mandy]

Out in left field. 

 

If you "know" someone is foolish, untrustworthy, deceptive, manipulative, does not have credit, etc, it makes it easy to disregard what they say. 

 

If you know someone is wise, has your best interests at heart, is an expert, is a guide, it's easy to believe what they say. 

 

The rug pulled out from under, the magic carpet, is that there aren't people that are fixed like this. 

 

[Mandy]

It's a buffet. Sometimes you get so passionate about the fruit salad that you're like... "HOW THE HELL CAN ANYONE NOT CHOOSE THE FRUIT SALAD? THERE HAS NEVER BEEN BETTER FRUIT SALAD. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE IF YOU WON'T TRY THE FRUIT SALAD?!"

 

or like...

 

"HOW THE HELL CAN ANYONE EAT THE FRUIT SALAD?! THERE'S NEVER BEEN WORSE FRUIT SALAD. WHAT IS THIS FRUIT SALAD EVEN DOING HERE?!"

 

But it's a buffet.

 

You can't enjoy the fruit salad, (or whatever else you DO like if you're not a fruit salad fan) while you're thinking about people who don't appreciate what you do, or about the thing there you do not appreciate. 

 

I Calvin, find this highly disappointing. Rather than enjoying my own damn plate and focusing on my own damn plate, I would like to observe, criticize and judge everyone and everything else. This pleases me I declare. 

 

Well, don't complain when the criticisms and judgement taste worse than the dreaded fruit salad. I'll give you observation. 

 

OMG, look at her plate! They have macaroons? I didn't see those! I'll go back. 

 

What if  I feel like I'm a choice on a plate? 

 

You're not. 

 

WHAT IF I MADE THAT FRUIT SALAD?

 

You didn't. 

 

You're boring. 

 

I'm not boring, there's boredom on your plate. 

 

Ok, ok, what if I want to show people all the amazing things at the buffet? 

 

You didn't come to SELL the Buffet, they're already AT the buffet. 

 

THIS IS REALLY BORING. What's there for me to do?

 

Enjoy the buffet. Look, it's a beautiful buffet, here's some grapes, here's some cantaloupe. Here's some shrimp and cocktail sauce. Here's whatever you like. 

 

OK, I want the ecstasy. 

 

The substance ecstasy?

 

No, the feeling. Love, passion, empowerment. 

 

Ok. 

 

Ok?

 

Ok. 

 

I LOVE ALL YOU DUMB ASSHOLES WHO LIKE THE FRUIT SALAD.

 

🤦‍♂️

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Mandy]

https://hbr.org/2019/03/making-jokes-during-a-presentation-helps-men-but-hurts-women?utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=hbr&utm_source=facebook&tpcc=orgsocial_edit

 

🖕

 

The way they ended it was helpful, but it would have been better as the introduction.

 

What if you have a prejudice against yourself? What if all prejudices are against yourself?

[Mandy]

How confronting that Source/Awareness/Unconditional Love/God does not judge you. The confrontation is not to you, but your own judgement. 

 

It will literally become the apparent person rejecting you, judging you, just to show you how unconditionally loved you are. You are unrejectable, unjudgeable, yet somehow missed in translation of this telephone game it got interpreted as unloveable, unworthy. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Mandy]

Someone just posted a story on Facebook, accidently, that says nothing but "The first I".

 

There was a song on the radio named Afterthought that struck me earlier. 

[Mandy]

I'm not smiling until this face in the mirror smiles. 

 

I refuse. 

 

It's like being a little kid and telling your parents you're going to live out the woods now, cause you've had it with them. And they're just like "cool." Maybe that was just 90's parents, I think I'd tell my kids they'd need someone to check for ticks. 

 

It's a shame that manipulation doesn't work. 

 

"Feel bad for me."

 

It's for me, for me, for me. I don't hear no, or me or an exclusion. 

 

"Feel bad."

 

As your Fairy Godmother, granted. 😁

 

Turns out it's for YOU!

 

Goddamn boomerangs. 

 

Magic fairy wand magic. 

 

Whatever. You have no respect for my discord. 

 

What a liberating realization. 

 

Fine, whatever, I see it, I get it. Boomerang caught. How do I do all this? 

 

You don't. That's the liberation. There's no conflict in it. HEAR. HERE.