Should I block him?

[Reena]

So my ex tried contacting me again. And it's very frustrating dealing with him. I had made a thread previously. But I don't know what happened. 

So he wants me to get back with him. And I don't know what to do. I forgot what I wrote because it was all written in the moment. But it was a good description of the overall situation between the two of us. It has caused me tremendous frustration because he doesn't understand that I can't take him back. 

So when I was in a relationship with him, I was religiously in love with him. He was very abusive and I tolerated it to some extent thinking and hoping that it wasn't going to be that way forever. I blocked him intermittently and temporarily because it was difficult for me to think that he will have no contact me at all.. I tended to prioritize his feelings over mine, which I recognize as a weakness in me.. 

Now he tried to lure me to be back with him which I am very uneasy about. He sent me these text messages and I tried to tell him that I don't want him anymore 

 

I want to be sincere in my action and not feel uncertain all the time. I had some sort of a trauma bond with him. 

I want to block him permanently but I'm also swayed by guilt because I had known him for a long time and the thought that he will have nowhere to turn to if I completely cut him off. 

At the same time, a need in me that this moral compassion is not necessary and that I want to leave this behind me forever and for good. Because the more I engage with him, the more I'm reminded of my trauma caused by him cheating on me. 

He used to admire other women in the relationship. So one day I discovered his cheating and he dumped me for the other woman. After that I pretty much lost all feelings for him and I suffered severe distress and heartache. I felt betrayal. 

 

He says that he wants emotional support from me, that he still loves me. He sometimes promises to leave me alone but never truly gets around doing it..

 

These are his messages. I want some clarity on this issue. 

I still feel some anxiety around blocking him permanently. 

 

 

No amount of his complimenting, praising, pleasing, pleading and begging is ever going to undo the pain he has given me. 

But I'm still conflicted on how to go about this. 

[Phil]

@Reena

I hid it with respect for him in that he might not want his picture & private messages shared publicly.

 

Yes, sounds like it’s time to cut that cord. Much more so, it sounds like it’s time for a deeper sense of self-worth, real security, assuredness, equanimity & clarity.  

 

 

[Reena]

@Phil but he is very lonely. 

[Phil]

@Reena

He can fill himself with joy as well. 

[Reena]

@Phil but he is never able to do it. 

[Phil]

@Reena

Anyone can meditate. 

[Reena]

@Phil what has that got to do with meditation? 

[Phil]

@Reena

Instead of feeling the thinking about being lonely, meditatively there is just feeling.