Is my friend too controlling?

[Devin]

23 minutes ago, Rose said:

I think I do only if it’s small amounts of time, like up to 1 hour.

Just for walking? I would be more flexible to her then.

[Rose]

13 minutes ago, Devin said:

Just for walking? I would be more flexible to her then.

Yes, pretty much. 
 

But I think that’s what happened. I was only looking for a short walk with her (like the walk to the store), the other walk would take more like 1.5-2 hours. But she seems to want to spend more time together, which I can’t be more flexible to because I seem to get anxious when I think about spending more than 30-60 minutes with her.

 

So is there a way to let her know I can only spend 1 hour with her? When I used an excuse of “I am too busy” with her in the past, I would get a lecture from her on how I should make time for friends and people and that I am a workaholic. 

Edited August 27, 2023 by Rose

[Devin]

31 minutes ago, Rose said:

Yes, pretty much. 
 

But I think that’s what happened. I was only looking for a short walk with her (like the walk to the store), the other walk would take more like 1.5-2 hours. But she seems to want to spend more time together, which I can’t be more flexible to because I seem to get anxious when I think about spending more than 30-60 minutes with her.

 

So is there a way to let her know I can only spend 1 hour with her? When I used an excuse of “I am too busy” with her in the past, I would get a lecture from her on how I should make time for friends and people and that I am a workaholic. 

Tell her, "I like walking with you, and I want someone to walk with but I don't want to do walks over an hour long.".

 

Yeah, try to let those lectures roll off your back, tell her no, but you're only walking friends try not to let any comment mean any more than that.

Edited August 27, 2023 by Devin

[Phil]

On 8/27/2023 at 11:39 AM, Rose said:

This is what I am very confused about. 

 

I do know that whenever we blame other people for how we feel around them, there is projection and not taking “responsibility” for our emotions. 
 

But! Since 95-99% of people are full of ego, wouldn’t there be a degree of truth that some people can trigger those emotions in us? 

What’s meant by full of ego?

On 8/27/2023 at 11:39 AM, Rose said:

 

Like for example, if you know that you feel uneasy next to a rapist, is it truly just about managing your own projections? Isn’t it reasonable for you not to want to hang out with a rapist? 

Preferences appear. 

On 8/27/2023 at 11:39 AM, Rose said:

How do you decide whom to be friends with and whom to have in your life and whom not to have if you are accepting and loving of everyone?

There’s no suggestion here to attempt to accept & love everyone. The message is that you are love. 

 

Daily morning meditation is great for slowing thoughts down and noticing assumptions. Really loosens up subjective beliefs about objective. How can ego even begin to be noticed when it’s already assumed to be something other people have.