Psychological pain in sexuality

[ConsciousDreamer666]

I wonder how come this two get inter twisted together in such a crazy way.

 

NSFW explicit talk incoming, but I need to be explicit to explain my case properly:

 

Lately I´ve been cleaning up my 'sexual diet' and I am practicing more healthy, vanilla, normal, no-difference projecting like sex, sometimes I get 'attacks from the ego' and I go/enjoy going back to a certain feeling of self-destruction that by some weird reason feels good (until it doesn't).

 

In this one attack I go into twitter and I search a famous humiliation goddess. I click on a video of her and I start to masturbate. In the video she says something like:

 

'The plan of today is taking your money while I laugh at you'

 

I remember spending last summer on this absolute bitch about +200$. I got traumatized of the way I feel this absolute whore manipulated me. But also after one year I enter again in his profile and is that perception of manipulation and abuse that at the same time got me crazy horny.

 

At this point and while watching the video, is all those thoughts of feeling she enjoys taking advantage of me, or humiliating me, that puts me on edge, and I cum hard. And while I am cumming I realize, this is fucking insane, how the fuck I am living like this, is like you realize this is literal the worst psychological pain a human can endure. It feels like deep down they are beating you to death.

 

What I think this pain is, the belief of certain thoughts such as 'I am such shit human being she really wants to hurt me and humiliate me' and several of those. 

 

I belief there is a certain conditioning that have been imprinted, who knows why, by childhood trauma or genetic trauma or who knows, but this shit is fucking insane.

 

 

 

[Devin]

It's usually from trauma

 

 

[Phil]

16 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

how come this two get inter twisted together in such a crazy way.

Twisted means distorted or mentally or emotionally unsound or disturbed. So as to untwisting psychological pain in sexuality, I would look to direct experience and emotional guidance for clarity, and relief & the desired change in behavior will follow clarity & being emotionally sound & undisturbed.

 

Direct experience is fundamentally that of being aware of thoughts (concepts), sensation and perception. 

Emotion points to how thoughts feel.

 

So what is psychological pain and sexuality in terms of direct experience & emotions?

Of thoughts (concepts), sensation and perception… psychological & sexuality are thoughts (concepts).

 

Pain points to bodily sensation. 

Pain is localized in the body in the sense pain could be pointed to if one was injured and telling a doctor where the pain is. 

 

In this sense ‘psychological pain’ is not localized bodily pain, but is mental & emotional suffering. Discordant emotions are felt, but are covered up or suppressed, unacknowledged, via instead believing concepts about the emotions felt. Concepts like states of consciousness, baseline consciousness, higher & lower consciousness, etc, mentioned in previous thread, are all conceptualizations which are avoidance of emotions, aversion from Feeling / Truth. 🤍 Not meant in any way but liberation and ‘filling yourself’ with the unconditional love you truly are, via unfettering of conceptualizations / concepts / suppressions. 

 

16 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

Lately I´ve been cleaning up my 'sexual diet' and I am practicing more healthy, vanilla, normal, no-difference projecting like sex, sometimes I get 'attacks from the ego' and I go/enjoy going back to a certain feeling of self-destruction that by some weird reason feels good (until it doesn't).

Again, in the spirit of untwisting via direct experience & emotional guidance… instead of the concepts ‘sexual diet’,  ‘attacks from the ego’ and ‘a certain feeling of self-destruction’… which emotion(s) is felt?

 

16 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

 

In this one attack I go into twitter and I search a famous humiliation goddess. I click on a video of her and I start to masturbate. In the video she says something like:

Instead of ‘attack’, which emotion is felt, and then suppressed / avoided via that activity? 

 

16 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

'The plan of today is taking your money while I laugh at you'

 

I remember spending last summer on this absolute bitch about +200$. I got traumatized of the way I feel this absolute whore manipulated me. But also after one year I enter again in his profile and is that perception of manipulation and abuse that at the same time got me crazy horny.

As she is offering a service which you are willfully partaking in, and therein you aren’t manipulated in this circumstance, what emotions are felt and who or what are they really about? 

 

16 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

 

At this point and while watching the video, is all those thoughts of feeling she enjoys taking advantage of me, or humiliating me, that puts me on edge, and I cum hard. And while I am cumming I realize, this is fucking insane, how the fuck I am living like this, is like you realize this is literal the worst psychological pain a human can endure. It feels like deep down they are beating you to death.

Instead of the concepts ‘thoughts of feeling she enjoys taking advantage of me or humiliating me’ and ‘beating you to death’… which emotion(s) is or are actually / directly felt? 

 

16 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

What I think this pain is, the belief of certain thoughts such as 'I am such shit human being she really wants to hurt me and humiliate me' and several of those. 

Putting concepts about self, her and pain aside… what emotions are felt?

 

16 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

 

I belief there is a certain conditioning that have been imprinted, who knows why, by childhood trauma or genetic trauma or who knows, but this shit is fucking insane.

Instead of ‘this shit’ and the insanity of suppressing guidance, what emotion(s) are felt?

 

Expression releases and release begets clarity. 

Acknowledging the emotions ‘untwists’ the concepts about emotions, or, the conceptualizations of what’s felt. 

The emotions felt are already felt, and already driving the behaviors. 

Receiving the emotional guidance is receiving clarity. 

Then the concepts & behaviors are no longer employed or believed, and there is no longer suppression.

 

It can also be very clarifying to acknowledge, with respect to experience… what aspects are subjective and what aspects are objective. This helps dispel interpretations which are ‘held’ as known to be true, which are actually believed and most relevantly, discordant. The relief is in the acknowledgment that what’s known is actually believed, and therein misinterpretations are ‘untwisted’, and in hindsight clarity are more readily seen as misinterpretations of experience. Then there is more readily right or correct, as in aligned, interpretation. Then there is foresight and therein no more ‘pull’ to activities which support emotional suppression. In a nutshell this is liberation from ignore-ance, or, suffering. 

 

It always goes without saying… but for safe measure… this site is not a supplement for anything, including therapy. I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. 

 

As a reference & resource with respect to the significance of the acknowledgment of suffering, and meditation… vs continuing to conceptualize / suppress… and therein suffer:

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/the-ten-ox-herding-pictures

[Mandy]

It's a way of outsourcing your own internal feelings about yourself, the way you speak about yourself in your thoughts. It's a way of merging with it. Look at the inner desire it's fulfilling and you won't attract it outside anymore. What I pay someone else to do I don't have to do for myself anymore, but what if I'm paying someone to do something completely unnecessary and destructive? Change the way you think about yourself, change the thoughts you're willing to tolerate yourself having about yourself.  Louise Hay could be a good resource for that.