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“Dying” making friends and losing friends, triggering


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I notice that when i am not myself or focused i tend to “die” or shut down. This mostly happens if other friends use word to trigger me and then they take advantage.
 

They might look like interested or loving but instead they are just trying to get to another person through you. Then they learn about you and shut you down when it is needed. 
 

From the perspective of non duality this type of personality that likes to shut down other people arises spontaneously when in high stakes situation. Actually at those situation, I become very good at it. Its like i am focused only one surviving. But many people are like this the entire time. 

What is your exp with this? Personally i have to remember every time to get back to myself or to focus in order to get back at them or just to survive. I feel i lose alot of power if i fully allow everything to happen. 

Mby its just because people are wired differently. I am not sure. Let me know what you think. 

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13 hours ago, bardh said:

I notice that when i am not myself or focused i tend to “die” or shut down. This mostly happens if other friends use word to trigger me and then they take advantage.
 

 

My thought on this is that if "friends" are triggering you, so they can take advantage, then are they true friends to begin with? Is this realization creating the "shut down"?

 

When I was younger my friends were everything and I had tons of them. I'm an extroverted Gemini, so I'd lose my mind if I had friend issues.😭

My parents would laugh at me. Now I laugh at how I was. I've done an absolute 360 turnaround from my younger days.

 

Now, for many years, I only have one close friend and I've known her for 25 yrs. We get together every few weeks or months. Friends just aren't that important to me now that I'm older. 🤷‍♀️

 

Although, put me in a social situation and I'll chat your ear off. So, nothings changed with my personality per se. I guess I just don't seek out friendships and if it doesn't happen naturally, I don't force it.

 

That's my 2 cents. For what it worth.

💙

 

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13 hours ago, bardh said:

I feel i lose alot of power if i fully allow everything to happen. 

Everything already is utterly Allowed, nothing is really happening, it's our thought interpretations of it that make it seem as if we are losing power. You do not need to allow, as if allowing were something you could do, it's a recognition that it already is. If my kid scribbles all over my brand new car in permanent marker and I walk out and see this, my vision is in that moment just seeing. It's just aware, completely allowing what it is.  Thought might be saying this is unbelievable, terrible. Those thoughts are allowed too. You aren't the thought, you are the direct unconditional seeing.

 

Does this mean I'm going to say nothing to my kid and just allow them to scribble with permanent marker on whenever they want? No. Do you see how that "allowing" has nothing to do with the nondual Allowing that just already is? Yes, it is wonderful to align with that allowing when we can. When we don't NEED friendships and relationships, we know when to say no, we allow ourselves the option of saying no. Love knows when to say no. It doesn't need to please anybody else, it doesn't need anything from anybody else, because it already thoroughly loves. Out of that real friendship blossoms. 

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4 hours ago, Mandy said:

When we don't NEED friendships and relationships, we know when to say no, we allow ourselves the option of saying no. Love knows when to say no. It doesn't need to please anybody else, it doesn't need anything from anybody else, because it already thoroughly loves. Out of that real friendship blossoms. 

Beautifully said, and quite true. 

 

@bardh Whatever happens, happens. That's the (nondual) allowing which is neither in your control, nor out of your control, it simply is.

It's existence allowing itself, by existing - that is  Love.  All you can do is notice, that whatever is the case, is the case.

 

Don't allow people to take advantage of you. Disallowing that is also, what is. Everything that is, is, and everything is (thereby) already allowed, including the disallowing. 

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@MandyEverything is utterly allowed and nothing is happening. Is this like a thought exercise? Or like a pointing ? I can understand it as both. 
 

@all The night i wrote this i felt that i didnt do smth right at the situation, in the morning i felt that it was just how it was suppose to happen. Pushing was not so much needed from me. I just disliked the outcome at the time. Anyhow, ty for your replies. 

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