Dealing with insecurity

[Kevin]

Hey so I kind of wanted to get this off my chest.

so lately on a logical level I can see that I’m the same as everyone else. I’m not weirder than anyone else and there’s nothing actually wrong with me. I don’t always feel this on an emotional level. I don’t quite feel it in all scenarios. I still get all this anxiety around talking to girls I’m attracted to.  Anyway kind of frustrated by that and also basically just want to move beyond just understanding I’m ok and I want to feel it deep down. I want to feel more capable of making connections with new people.

[Phil]

12 hours ago, Kevin said:

Hey so I kind of wanted to get this off my chest.

As in let something go vs add something. 👍🏼
 

12 hours ago, Kevin said:

so lately on a logical level I can see that I’m the same as everyone else.

Really question what is being said. Are you literally on a logical level? What country is the logical level, that you are on, in?  If I was going to meet you on the logical level, what kind of directions would you give me to get there?
 

It might initially seem semantical, but the implication is that there is a separate self, a physical self, on a thing; a logical level. 

 

12 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

I’m not weirder than anyone else and there’s nothing actually wrong with me.

Then what’s being said about the separate physical self on a logical level, is that it is not weirder than the other physical separate selves, and there is nothing wrong with the separate physical self.

 

12 hours ago, Kevin said:

I don’t always feel this on an emotional level.
 

Then it’s being said that the separate physical self, which is on a thing, a logical level, doesn’t feel a this on another level, an emotional level.

 

12 hours ago, Kevin said:

I don’t quite feel it in all scenarios.

Then it’s being said that the separate physical self, which is on a logical level, but is not on an emotional level, does not feel an it, in all scenarios. 

 

12 hours ago, Kevin said:

I still get all this anxiety around talking to girls I’m attracted to.  

Then it’s being said that the separate physical self, which is on a logical level, but is not on an emotional level and does not feel an it in all scenarios… gets all of a thing called, anxiety. 

 

12 hours ago, Kevin said:

Anyway kind of frustrated by that and also basically just want to move beyond just understanding I’m ok and I want to feel it deep down.
 

Then what’s said is the separate physical self which is on a logical level, but is not on an emotional level and does not feel and it in all scenarios is frustrated, by a that, and wants to move beyond understanding that the separate physical self is ok and wants to feel an it deep down.

 

12 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

I want to feel more capable of making connections with new people.

Then what’s said is that the separate physical self which is on a logical level, but is not on an emotional level, that has all of the anxiety, is not capable of making connections with new people.

 

Is it possible for a unicorn to make connections with new people?

 

If so, what would your advice to the unicorn be?

 

If not, why not?

 

How would you help a unicorn to feel more secure, about itself?

[Kevin]

6 hours ago, Phil said:

As in let something go vs add something. 👍🏼
 

Really question what is being said. Are you literally on a logical level? What country is the logical level, that you are on, in?  If I was going to meet you on the logical level, what kind of directions would you give me to get there?

 

ok I get what your saying

6 hours ago, Phil said:

It might initially seem semantical, but the implication is that there is a separate self, a physical self, on a thing; a logical level. 

 

Then what’s being said about the separate physical self on a logical level, is that it is not weirder than the other physical separate selves, and there is nothing wrong with the separate physical self.

 

Then it’s being said that the separate physical self, which is on a thing, a logical level, doesn’t feel a this on another level, an emotional level.

 

Then it’s being said that the separate physical self, which is on a logical level, but is not on an emotional level, does not feel an it, in all scenarios. 

 

Then it’s being said that the separate physical self, which is on a logical level, but is not on an emotional level and does not feel an it in all scenarios… gets all of a thing called, anxiety. 

 

Then what’s said is the separate physical self which is on a logical level, but is not on an emotional level and does not feel and it in all scenarios is frustrated, by a that, and wants to move beyond understanding that the separate physical self is ok and wants to feel an it deep down.

 

Then what’s said is that the separate physical self which is on a logical level, but is not on an emotional level, that has all of the anxiety, is not capable of making connections with new people.

 

Is it possible for a unicorn to make connections with new people?

 

If so, what would your advice to the unicorn be?

 

If not, why not?

 

How would you help a unicorn to feel more secure, about itself?

Ok yeah I realize that’s all a story I guess. It’s an attempt to feel better by conceptualizing and making a map so that I understand what’s going on. The reason I do this is so that I can feel better by fixing the problem. This is important because to feel better you have to solve the problem. And to solve the problem you have to know what it and understand it so you can find the solution.

 

The above paragraph is my reasoning but I see now all that rests on a foundation of unquestioned assumptions. More stories.

I just want to feel better. I guess all that logic and reasoning above isn’t necessary? I unconsciously believed that process was necessary my whole life. I don’t think I’ve put it into words before.

[Phil]

@Kevin

Yeah exactly, it’s a story, like a movie. It’s like if you went to the movies looking for security. There might be parts of the movie where some sense of security is felt, and other parts of the movie where or when security isn’t felt. But then that movie ends. And you could stay at the movies, and watch another movie. Again there might be highs, and there might be lows. And you could stay for another movie, and another, and another. And again & again there would be some fleeting sense of security, and sometimes some sense of insecurity, coming & going with the movie. 

 

But sooner or later, in your pursuing of security at the movies, it would inevitably dawn on you that security isn’t found in the movie. That is, security isn’t found in what appears, what comes and goes. The ‘movie’ is thoughts, and perception. Just like a movie on a screen is an appearance, thoughts & perception - appear. Appears & disappears, comes & goes. Now there is this thought. Now there is this other thought. Now there is this different other thought. Now this is seen. Now this is heard. Now this is seen. Now this is heard. Now I feel secure. Now I don’t feel secure. Now I feel secure. Now I don’t feel secure. Thought & perception are always changing.

 

There is no problem with the ever-changing-ness of thought & perception. It’s actually perfection. You love it that way. Imagine watching the same damn movie nonstop, or listening to the same dang song 24/7. No thanks right!? That would be so lame it would almost be downright torturous. 

 

 

Truly security would only be that which never comes, and never goes. That which isn’t itself, an appearance. That which is, if you will, watching… the movie. That which is aware of all the coming and going of thoughts & perception - which itself is never coming & going. 

 

With the movie(s), so to speak, you gotta get up and walk out for there to be no more movie. 

 

With thoughts, it’s way easier. You don’t even have to get up. You just have to be willing to let the thoughts go. 

 

As Rupert Spira once said, “take your stand rightfully as awareness”. 

 

 

Just like if you’re sitting at the theater watching a movie it’s perfectly clear to you that you’re not in the movie… it’s the same with thoughts. Thoughts arise; me, mine, my, I, I’m. Those are, thoughts. You’re aware that those are, thoughts. You, awareness, recognize there is an experience of, thoughts. The ‘one’ the thoughts are about can’t possibly be you, because you’re aware of - the thoughts. 

 

 

Security longed for is never found in thoughts. 

A problem is never actually found in perception or sensation. 

 

So to speak, every time security is ‘looked for’ in feeling - it’s found. It’s present. Feeling will never be absent. Feeling can be overlooked. That also is not a problem. You love the movie, and every time, without exception ever - every time even the simplest of questions is proposed - “is there the presence of sensation… is feeling present?”… this question is always met with - yes. 

 

 

 

[Kevin]

On 2/20/2023 at 5:24 PM, Phil said:

@Kevin

Yeah exactly, it’s a story, like a movie. It’s like if you went to the movies looking for security. There might be parts of the movie where some sense of security is felt, and other parts of the movie where or when security isn’t felt. But then that movie ends. And you could stay at the movies, and watch another movie. Again there might be highs, and there might be lows. And you could stay for another movie, and another, and another. And again & again there would be some fleeting sense of security, and sometimes some sense of insecurity, coming & going with the movie. 

 

But sooner or later, in your pursuing of security at the movies, it would inevitably dawn on you that security isn’t found in the movie. That is, security isn’t found in what appears, what comes and goes. The ‘movie’ is thoughts, and perception. Just like a movie on a screen is an appearance, thoughts & perception - appear. Appears & disappears, comes & goes. Now there is this thought. Now there is this other thought. Now there is this different other thought. Now this is seen. Now this is heard. Now this is seen. Now this is heard. Now I feel secure. Now I don’t feel secure. Now I feel secure. Now I don’t feel secure. Thought & perception are always changing.

 

There is no problem with the ever-changing-ness of thought & perception. It’s actually perfection. You love it that way. Imagine watching the same damn movie nonstop, or listening to the same dang song 24/7. No thanks right!? That would be so lame it would almost be downright torturous. 

 

 

Truly security would only be that which never comes, and never goes. That which isn’t itself, an appearance. That which is, if you will, watching… the movie. That which is aware of all the coming and going of thoughts & perception - which itself is never coming & going. 

 

With the movie(s), so to speak, you gotta get up and walk out for there to be no more movie. 

 

With thoughts, it’s way easier. You don’t even have to get up. You just have to be willing to let the thoughts go. 

 

As Rupert Spira once said, “take your stand rightfully as awareness”. 

 

 

Just like if you’re sitting at the theater watching a movie it’s perfectly clear to you that you’re not in the movie… it’s the same with thoughts. Thoughts arise; me, mine, my, I, I’m. Those are, thoughts. You’re aware that those are, thoughts. You, awareness, recognize there is an experience of, thoughts. The ‘one’ the thoughts are about can’t possibly be you, because you’re aware of - the thoughts. 

 

 

Security longed for is never found in thoughts. 

A problem is never actually found in perception or sensation. 

 

So to speak, every time security is ‘looked for’ in feeling - it’s found. It’s present. Feeling will never be absent. Feeling can be overlooked. That also is not a problem. You love the movie, and every time, without exception ever - every time even the simplest of questions is proposed - “is there the presence of sensation… is feeling present?”… this question is always met with - yes. 

 

 

 

Thanks Phil. I meant to respond earlier my sleep schedule was screwed up so I was incredibly sleep deprived and couldn’t really process what you were saying then I was asleep for like hella long.

 

In Spirituality it’s often talked about what doesn’t come or go and you say find security in what doesn’t come or go. That is kind of frustrating and confusing because I read about how others find their true nature or what doesn’t come and go etc. and they describe it as joyful and amazing. I don’t experience that at all. To me awareness does come and go. It’s not there what I’m asleep. Before I was alive there wasn’t awareness as far as I know and the same goes for after I die. And even if it doesn’t come and go at all, I don’t experience it as blissful. It’s just being aware. Nothing special about it.

 

Also I haven’t had a girlfriend in like 2 years and it’s probably been a year since I’ve even had a flirtatious interaction with. I think there’s something wrong with me because of that, I think I am pathetic. Most of the guys around me either have girlfriends or are consistently fucking different girls.

I think I’m the odd one out there which makes me sad and I don’t know how finding what doesn’t come and go or standing g as awareness is going to fix that. Basically the movie I’m watching is one I am not happy with at all and I don’t know how to make it different. And I worry that even if I do stand as awareness or find security then the same shit is gonna happen and I’m not gonna meet and women.

Edited February 22, 2023 by Kevin

[Phil]

4 hours ago, Kevin said:

In Spirituality it’s often talked about what doesn’t come or go and you say find security in what doesn’t come or go. That is kind of frustrating and confusing

because I read about how others find their true nature or what doesn’t come and go etc. and they describe it as joyful and amazing.

That’s all experience which comes & goes. Feeling doesn’t come & go.

 

4 hours ago, Kevin said:

I don’t experience that at all.

Whatever could be said to experience what never comes & goes, by definition isn’t & is separate of, what never comes & goes.

 

4 hours ago, Kevin said:

To me awareness does come and go.

Awareness comes & goes, awareness doesn’t come & go, awareness exists, awareness doesn’t exist, awareness is mine, awareness isn’t mine, to me, not to me, for me awareness is low, awareness is high.

Those are all thoughts which awareness is aware of. 

 

4 hours ago, Kevin said:

It’s not there what I’m asleep.

Never woke up to the sound of an alarm clock? 

 

4 hours ago, Kevin said:

Before I was alive there wasn’t awareness as far as I know and the same goes for after I die. And even if it doesn’t come and go at all, I don’t experience it as blissful. It’s just being aware. Nothing special about it.

Aliveness & wakefulness are like feeling & awareness in that the words point to what doesn’t actually know of a second self… an I, which knows what birth, death, aliveness, wakefulness, feeling or awareness are. Truth also points, in that in truth there is no experience of an I, being born, sleeping, or death.  

 

4 hours ago, Kevin said:

Also I haven’t had a girlfriend in like 2 years and it’s probably been a year since I’ve even had a flirtatious interaction with. I think there’s something wrong with me because of that, I think I am pathetic. Most of the guys around me either have girlfriends or are consistently fucking different girls.

I think I’m the odd one out there which makes me sad and I don’t know how finding what doesn’t come and go or standing g as awareness is going to fix that.

It’s the other-than those thoughts. Aware of thoughts, thoughts aren’t about you. 

 

Is the vibration you’re giving a match with what you’re wanting? A girl who has something wrong with her, who’s pathetic, and sad she’s the odd one out because she isn’t consistently fucking different guys? 

 

4 hours ago, Kevin said:

Basically the movie I’m watching is one I am not happy with at all and I don’t know how to make it different. And I worry that even if I do stand as awareness or find security then the same shit is gonna happen and I’m not gonna meet and women.

Receive the emotional guidance. Express insecurity, jealousy, frustration and pessimism when felt. Know them so to speak, as emotions. Empty out all the pessimistic thoughts, and there is boredom and then contentment with what is. What is doesn’t need to be different. When what is doesn’t need to be different, there’s unconditional feeling, empowerment, possibilities, excitement of not knowing what’s going to happen next, etc. The desired change is already being attracted. Matching vibrationally just kind of allows it.  

 

Also, do some writing and explore how you identified in these ways in the first place. What about your childhood or upbringing lead you to think this way etc. There’s nothing to feel bad about or be ashamed of in that vein. All of our parents were morons who had no idea what they were doing. If you had kids now you’d be a moron in twenty years. Lol. That’s just how it is. It’s perfection. 

[Kevin]

11 minutes ago, Phil said:

That’s all experience which comes & goes. Feeling doesn’t come & go.

 

Whatever could be said to experience what never comes & goes, by definition isn’t & is separate of, what never comes & goes.

 

Awareness comes & goes, awareness doesn’t come & go, awareness exists, awareness doesn’t exist, awareness is mine, awareness isn’t mine, to me, not to me, for me awareness is low, awareness is high.

Those are all thoughts which awareness is aware of. 

 

The above makes l sense. I guess I was experiencing a lot of frustration when I wrote that because I am expecting the clouds to part and fireworks to go off. Metaphorically speaking of course. I am excepting to realize something amazing and the clouds will part and there will be never ending peace, joy and bliss. And often the experiences is far from that. Then I experience doubt about whether this enlightenment stuff is real or if it is then I am doing something incorrect. And then there is the belief that if I could just figure out the formula then I will get that never ending peace bliss and joy. But I’m not so there is something wrong with me.

 

The above paragraph is me venting. I can see that it is a terribly exhausting paradigm to operate. Also writing it out like that is helpful to see that there are lots of untruths in it.

11 minutes ago, Phil said:

Never woke up to the sound of an alarm clock? 

 

Aliveness & wakefulness are like feeling & awareness in that the words point to what doesn’t actually know of a second self… an I, which knows what birth, death, aliveness, wakefulness, feeling or awareness are. Truth also points, in that in truth there is no experience of an I, being born, sleeping, or death.  

 

It’s the other-than those thoughts. Aware of thoughts, thoughts aren’t about you. 

 

Is the vibration you’re giving a match with what you’re wanting? A girl who has something wrong with her, who’s pathetic, and sad she’s the odd one out because she isn’t consistently fucking different guys? 

 

Incredibly accurate for sure. I am not offering that vibration at all. I was gonna say I don’t know how to offer a different vibration. But that’s not entirely true.

for some reason I get a payoff from feeling bad. I can’t quite put it into words but I know there is some sort of sick payoff I get from believing these things about myself and then holding onto resentments surrounding not getting the things I want.

 

11 minutes ago, Phil said:

Receive the emotional guidance. Express frustration, jealousy, and pessimism when felt. Empty out all the pessimistic thoughts, and there is boredom and then contentment with what is. What is doesn’t need to be different. When what is doesn’t need to be different, there’s unconditional feeling, empowerment, possibilities, excitement of not knowing what’s going to happen next, etc. The desired change is already being attracted. Matching vibrationally just kind of allows it.  

Beautiful! Thank you Phil. I journal and I use the scale (not as much as I could though) but something about expressing here feels different. So thank you for what seems to be inexhaustible patience.