I don't know if I'm social or not

[honestone]

So long story short I've been into the street life until recently and sometimes I love talking and communicating but like now that I've been off drugs I feel like I can't relate to regular non addicts. I want to fall in love again and meet new people but I'm a lil nervous. I'm quiet at first but once I'm comfortable I just start chatting and can't stop but I don't know how I'm going to feel in a new city or town or w.e. I've never really gone to the bar alone or anything all of my romantic relationships have started via online and I have never traveled for them. I'm scared but I'm also excited I feel like going to the park later today or something idk.

[Tarak]

My hard drugs years are 15 years behind me. Leaving the junk scene was also the end of my social life. In my experience, it's hard to connect with "normal" people, and the few people I did connect with were ex junks just like me. Personally I don't really mind. I prefer to be alone than to share time with somebody I don't vibe with.

 

When I was 30, I did have a great need for a relationship and created her "dream board style". Three days later I met her on the train and we stayed together for 10+ years. And although we are in the middle of our divorce now, we still love each other and she will always be the (only) friend I need.

[Phil]

Welcome! 

 

Every person is a traumatized addict, without exception. 

 

How you’ll feel will be the same as now, because how you feel is only ever now. There’s the thought about being in a future, but there is no experience of being in a future. There is an experience of the thought, and of how the thought feels, only ever, now. 

 

I’m scared and I’m excited are conclusions. You’ve concluded what you are; scared and excited. There’s nowhere to go from that conclusion. Sans maybe not knowing. 

 

Another framing is I’m experiencing the emotion fear, and or I’m experiencing excitement. Now there’s no conclusion about what you are, just clarity about how identifying as phenomena feels in comparison to how experiencing phenomena feels. 

 

Likewise, maybe you don’t know if you’re social or not. Maybe you like experiencing phenomena. So this will probably still be fun. 

[honestone]

Yes for the first time I'm actually really feeling deeper than ever before. I'm just frustrated that I tend not to take action like today I haven't trained but I will before I go to sleep. Im just still deciding how I feel about my path, I've reached a stage of where I feel like I don't need any special state anymore but I feel regret for not being this is way when I was younger for being this old living with my mom mainly regret. But I also no longer feel so helpless I have a plan and a way I want to live I just want new friends to make I'd see if I hit the bar but I have no money or weed and I feel idk weird trying to socialize not stoned with strangers idk it's weird. But happy to be here been reading alot.

 

[Phil]

@honestone

That’s always great to hear. 

It’ll likely sound counterintuitive before but will feel very intuitive after… express the bejesus out of pessimism. Write a whole page or two of every pessimistic thought that arises. Empty both barrels. It’ll clarify that boredom feels better than pessimism, and you’ll then feel contentment with now as it is, and even better feeling optimistic thoughts will effortlessly arise. 

[honestone]

46 minutes ago, Phil said:

@honestone

That’s always great to hear. 

It’ll likely sound counterintuitive before but will feel very intuitive after… express the bejesus out of pessimism. Write a whole page or two of every pessimistic thought that arises. Empty both barrels. It’ll clarify that boredom feels better than pessimism, and you’ll then feel contentment with now as it is, and even better feeling optimistic thoughts will effortlessly arise. 

Hmm interesting idea