honestone

Hmm interesting idea

Yes for the first time I'm actually really feeling deeper than ever before. I'm just frustrated that I tend not to take action like today I haven't trained but I will before I go to sleep. Im just still deciding how I feel about my path, I've reached a stage of where I feel like I don't need any special state anymore but I feel regret for not being this is way when I was younger for being this old living with my mom mainly regret. But I also no longer feel so helpless I have a plan and a way I want to live I just want new friends to make I'd see if I hit the bar but I have no money or weed and I feel idk weird trying to socialize not stoned with strangers idk it's weird. But happy to be here been reading alot.

So long story short I've been into the street life until recently and sometimes I love talking and communicating but like now that I've been off drugs I feel like I can't relate to regular non addicts. I want to fall in love again and meet new people but I'm a lil nervous. I'm quiet at first but once I'm comfortable I just start chatting and can't stop but I don't know how I'm going to feel in a new city or town or w.e. I've never really gone to the bar alone or anything all of my romantic relationships have started via online and I have never traveled for them. I'm scared but I'm also excited I feel like going to the park later today or something idk.

So I've recently decided I want to travel/backpack across the US. I've recently ended my addiction and have come to accept that I am mentally ill have been in denial of my diagnosis but now I accept it and see I can live any life I want I don't have to be bound by the modern city lifestyle I've been wanting to explore for 10 years now but I was anxious and afraid... I still am but now I can face the fear and truly live. I'm waiting for my SSI application to be approved so I can start taking the train through out the country. I'm trying to forget about enlightenment and those concepts not judge others anymore and just get out of my head and see new places meet new people see what's out there. I'm enjoying this forum so far so I'd like to see what I encounter here and in my new adventure I'm soon to start.

Im in the same boat ironically it took me getting back into hard drugs and actually leaving my room and experiencing the world although in a negative light to come to realize that I got fucked up by Leo's cult. I basically am now learning more about proper spiritual topics and exploring my true passions but I've had to accept I became a narcissistic delusional pricc and let myself be manipulated by bad people starting with Leo but it all made me who I am now. I'm just as lost as anyone else so im just trying to move on and accept the ego rather than destroy it.

Very strange you mentioned my name here... Leo is a fucking tool he is everything wrong with the modern way of spirituality