Heart Pain During Meditation

[Orb]

This is weird because it only happens during meditation, my pose is the half lotus pose. When I sit on the cushion for half lotus after some time I feel the heart beating harder and even felt a sharp sensation in the heart that was enough to make me stop meditating. Idk what the hells going on. Has this happened to any of you?

 

 

[Phil]

Wisdom is sometimes mistakenly, egotistically “resourced”, and accredited to separate selves or others, of the desire to mislead to be seen a certain way. But it is the body which is wise. The body ‘knows’ “it” is not a thing, and that there are in truth not these “things”. The wisdom of the body is infinite and incomprehensible to the one-thought-at-a-time finite mind (lens). The body is made of wisdom, and therein the body naturally distills, whereas the mind can only inspect.

 

Think of a child playing with a toy airplane while sitting in an actual airplane (the child believing it has wisdom). Thoughts can arise about where that toy airplane is going, but in fact, in truth, it’s going wherever the actual plane is going (the wisdom & guidance of the body is never wrong). Consider, if you were sitting next to that child in the plane wondering what’s going on and where you’re headed, would you listen to the child’s story about the toy plain (listen to thoughts & beliefs), or would you look out the window (listen to the body)?

 

Therein there is an experience of distillation. An unburdening. A naturally occurring unfettering. The wisdom of the body cleaning the house, the temple, naturally & effortlessly. 

 

Disparaging thoughts believed about self, and or the body, are discordant with the body & felt by the heart (body) naturally. The discordant beliefs arise more readily & easily meditatively, to be released. The beliefs come ‘up & out’; purification.

 

Ideally as it does the beliefs would be seen as beliefs on their way out & the discord experienced is understood & seen for what it is in plain sight. Seen as untrue thoughts as the weight of the discord is lifted, leaving the body, leaving life as well, all the lighter & more loving and joyful. 

 

The sharp pain is the not allowing this to be seen as the mind is ‘clinging’ to the beliefs, and the body is ‘clenching’ (naturally) in response, and again, naturally, the heart beats harder. It is as if a battle is underway between what happens, and what happens to me. The body is releasing the ‘to me’ aspect. The body is Me (infinite), and therein does not know that “me” (finite) some thoughts are about. 

 

No remedy is needed, just as no wisdom, intelligence or guidance is needed for the body… to “do” the purifying “it” inherently does so well. Convincing conjecture can make it seem so though. It can take a minute for the conjecture / misunderstanding to release and therein thought & feeling to naturally realign.

 

For that aspect, to expedite & clarify, the remedy is information & affirmation related to the truth of the thoughts coming up. Thoughts like ‘I’m not enough’, ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I don’t do enough’, ‘I’m not getting ahead fast enough’, ‘the path I’m on won’t work out’, or ‘I’ll never make it’, along with the misleading conjecture, results in more discord, and more seeking of wisdom from “others”.

 

The discord therein of those thoughts is felt as more pronounced, but the discord of is often covered up with the beliefs which arose of the conjecture & misguidance of looking outside the body for true wisdom. The heart beats yet harder, as if to say ‘but I am right here!’. The heart is stronger & wiser than any conjecture resulting in contributing to more ‘beating up on yourself’. Resistance truly is futile. Love never fails. 

 

Self compassion, self love & self esteem are very important to allowing love & joy into your endeavors and for letting go of self referential beliefs which ‘pull the rug out from under yourself’ in life. 

 

As Rumi said, ‘Choose love. Choose love. Without this beautiful love, life is nothing but a burden”, and, “You can’t mend something that is not broken! To be healed, you need to fall ill.”

 

Such is the farce, and suffering felt, of self help & self improvement. 

[Orb]

@Phil everything feels much lighter and emptier. Feels like the remaining discord is hanging by a thread. Theres also pointless rumination all the time still, will this fade away? Also, the subtlety of awareness appearing as feeling is felt deeply such that feeling feels brand new and is generated right now always.

[Phil]

@Orb

If thread is a thought, discord hangs in the balance of an interpretative thought. 

When I touch things, everything I touch does not feel light & empty. 

Yet, I can not deny a mystery of things anymore than I can deny the nature of me.

 

When ‘all the time’ arises, as awareness I am aware the thought arises now, and in having been, fades away masterfully, effortlessly. 

And still, I am. 

When the thought ‘awareness appearing as feeling’ arises, the thought is felt, just as I am aware of the thought. The thought comes & goes. 

And still I am. 

When I look for what is not changing in everything, I find only that everything is change.

When I as awareness am aware of this apparent changingness, I do not find myself among these apparent changing things. 

Yet still, I am.  

When I look for the source of this generating; I can not help but rejoice in that I am this ever-present new.

All which appears, and to which I lend the ten thousand names, so too disappears. 

All of the names come & go, as do all things. 

And yet, still, I am. 

[Orb]

@Phil thats whats so fascinating, that the essential nature is not in the forms of awareness, yet there's a strong feeling of presence, an essential presence.

[Orb]

@Phil The vibration awareness is appearing as begins to pick up on its essential nature, yet any method of "going prior" is futile as that would only be another vibrational appearance.

Edited February 4, 2023 by Orb

[Phil]

@Orb

Right. The vibrational appearance is aware. Not the awareness appearing as. 

[Orb]

@Phil can you elaborate? 

[Phil]

@Orb

The “vibration awareness is appearing as” is aware. Not awareness. 

[Orb]

@Phil oh wow, that was a nice little nudge into deeper inquiry. 

[Orb]

@Phil I don't like the implications of what you said. Its scary.

[Orb]

@Phil you've been gently guiding "me" to my own annihilation and i was deceiving myself all along. Thinking I was gonna get "more" outta this. 

Edited February 4, 2023 by Orb

[Loop]

@Orb

 

The ego is cooked, the Soul is purified.

Soul one with Source/ Love, your True Self is free.

Nothing is gained & nothing is lost, just the freedom of the Heart is unfettered & unveiled.

Love is less, not more. Freedom is less, not grasping for more of the maze of ultimately dissatisfactory & impermanent ‘things’. 

The bliss of Silence, isn’t impermanent & is the satisfactory rest.

There never was a self, it was just seems.
So, what is there to lose?

What do you not want to be annihilated exactly? 
You are you, you won’t stop being you, just the self- referential thoughts are seen through.

Passion & Compassion awaken, free from the thought maze.
Really nothing happened, or happens.

Sunk into the Flow of Now.
 

[Phil]

52 minutes ago, Orb said:

@Phil I don't like the implications of what you said. Its scary.

What are the implications?

 

42 minutes ago, Orb said:

@Phil you've been gently guiding "me" to my own annihilation and i was deceiving myself all along. Thinking I was gonna get "more" outta this. 

What were you trying to get?

[Orb]

7 minutes ago, Phil said:

What are the implications?

You essentially said that awareness isn't actually aware, so awareness cannot be the ground for anything. 

 

8 minutes ago, Phil said:

What were you trying to get?

Inflation

 

[Orb]

@Loop Honestly there's no consistency in anything I'm saying I'm just expressing whatever comes up. There's definitely frustration from bringing up topics about annihilation and a me losing something as it's total bullshit. Also this bug when I use my phone for the forum where the text box starts glitching out a lot is making me wanna rip my hair off lol.

Edited February 5, 2023 by Orb

[Loop]

@Orb

Great! 

Expression needs no consistency, just keep feeling Feeling 🥰
 

The experience of frustration arises, is expressed, it passes. 
Next is usually the pessimism, reach for that. 
 

[Orb]

@Phil the vast openness isn't felt anymore, now there's frustration felt. 

[Orb]

@Loop 😤😤😤😤frustrafrustratiog out!!! Now pessimism 😑😑😑

[Orb]

@Loop @Phil upon investigating feeling and awareness, something was seen to be false and now there's a release of triggered emotions if that makes sense.