How do I Bring the Equanimity with me?

[Orb]

When I meditate im in samadhi, when I'm working I'm not. 

How do I stay in that meditative space while doing activities? Seems like the next step for me.

Like I'm at work right now, I'm cranky, tired, and annoyed because people don't do their work! 😤.....I don't do my work either sometimes 😬.

[Phil]

Cranky, tired and annoyed (not judging here 🙂 ) are concepts of a separate self, or selves, which is / are cranky, tired, and or annoyed. An idea of you and or other, which (imo) amounts only to the discord of judgement of self and or other. 

You however, love unconditionally. So what emotion are you feeling… would be the inquiry I suggest. 

Maybe, that inquiry brings to the light some perspectives or interpretations about ‘work’, as if the work you’re doing wasn’t chosen, and wasn’t leading to exactly what you want more / next. 

Also, one of the most powerful approaches in this experience… I just simply think of as & call ‘flipping the script’. 

When I meditate I am not in samadhi, when I’m working I am. 

I can not stay in a meditative space while doing activities, there are no steps. 

I am not actually at work right now, nor cranky, tired or annoyed… sometimes I don’t do my work. 

On the practical front, in this experience inquires might sound like… what did I eat yesterday? Did I eat late? What’s really on my mind? Is this really about what I’m thinking it’s about?

[Phil]

Here’s this too, in case reading it, and or taking a break and reflecting on it helps the vibe out… 🙏🏻 

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/equanimity

 

 

EQUANIMITY MEDITATION

The cause of much of our upset and emotional instability is clinging and neediness around people we like, and aversion towards people we don't like. We also have an unhealthy indifference to strangers, who may need our help, or at least our good will. 
This equanimity meditation helps us to examine our emotions towards people, and bring awareness to them. This leads to a more balanced, wholesome, and helpful viewpoint. It also cuts a lot of emotional turmoil & suffering at its root. 

Meditate on three people (a loved one, an enemy, and a neutral person), examining your feelings toward them. 
1. Sit in a comfortable meditation posture. Follow your breath until you feel centered and grounded.

2. Bring to mind the images of three people: someone you like, someone you dislike, and someone towards whom you feel indifferent. Keep these three people in mind throughout the meditation.

3. Focus on the friend, and look into all the reasons you like this person. Try to see if any of the reasons are about things this person does for you, or ways they uplift you. Ask yourself if these are really the correct reasons to like someone. Then do the same thing with the person you dislike, instead asking about the reasons you dislike them. Finally, do this for the person you are indifferent towards, asking about the reasons for your indifference. In all cases, notice judgment of the other person's worth. 

4. Next, ask yourself whether you consider each of these relationships as permanent. Would you still like your friend if they did something terrible to you? What if the person you dislike really did something nice for you? What if the stranger became close to you? Think about all the relationships in the past in which your feelings about the person have dramatically changed. 

5. Now, visualize the person you like doing something you dislike or that is unacceptable to you. Would you still be their friend? Remember there are people who you used to like, toward whom you now feel enmity.

6. Next, visualize your enemy doing something very kind for you. They might visit you in the hospital, or help you to fix your home. When you imagine this, can you feel positive emotions toward this person? Can you remember times in the past when an enemy became a friend? Is it necessary to feel that your strong dislike for this person will last forever? Isn't it possible that they could someday become your friend? 

7. Now visualize the stranger. How would you feel about them if they did something very kind for you? Isn't it the case that all your current friends were at one point total strangers? Isn't it possible that a stranger could become your best friend? It has happened before. 

8. Think carefully about how everyone deserves equal regard as human beings. You must discriminate and make decisions based on your knowledge of a person's character, but you do not have to hold strong feelings or judgments towards them. It is very likely that your emotions around a person will change many times, so why hold onto these emotions so rigidly? 

It can be upsetting to bring an "enemy" to mind. When working with the mental image of an enemy, be careful not to get lost in negative thoughts and feelings. If you find that you can't handle working with a specific person without getting very worked up, switch to someone less upsetting.

 

[Orb]

@Phil Ive been indulging in lots of substances and unhealthy behaviors. 

But idk what to do. I can't think straight 😤, and I've barely been sleeping. 

Like I'm doing all these things that don't feel good in the long run, isn't it necessary to stop? 

I get confused because there's no one doing anything and all that spiritual stuff, but then I'm like losing my mind over here. 

I'm barely able to speak coherently to people at this point, and my memories going down the drain. 

[Phil]

12 minutes ago, Orb said:

Ive been indulging in lots of substances and unhealthy behaviors. 

But idk what to do.

Do what you are realizing you want to do / and or no longer do what you are realizing you no longer want to do. 

Make it as simple as possible. An example, I didn’t like how eating sugary food left me feeling. The simplest thing I could do about was, not buy it. So I didn’t. I bought grapes instead of ice cream for example. Then, if I wanted ice cream, that meant I’d have to not just eat the grapes in the fridge, which is the least amount of effort… but I’d have to pretty myself up, go to the store & buy ice cream etc. I just ate the grapes. 

It’s also helpful feeling wise, to recognize you are free now, already. No, it is not necessary to do - anything. You are free to. 

There is also relevance here in regard to ‘spiraling’ / ‘spider webbing’ in regard to self referential thoughts, bigger chunks of time, etc… vs, which emotion is this, and what is the guidance therein? This makes it incredibly easier to ‘shift to’ - what is it I do want, and to naturally, effortlessly focus on that. What you’re doing now, when seen as related to what you want to come, is no longer separate or resistant, but the very unfolding of what you are wanting. Allowing is really ‘where it’s at’. If there is resistance, inquire, ‘how am I adding it’?

[Orb]

@Phil okay great, do you acknowledge that there are physiological withdrawal symptoms that occur? 

im very black and white with this stuff. 

its either i think I'm going through withdrawal, or that it's just my beliefs. 

Which one is it? Or is it a lil bit of both? 

Maybe you can see my mental deterioration in how I'm wording my words?

[Phil]

@Orb

Me, and what I acknowledge or don’t, has no relevance with respect to your direct experience and how you interpret. I can only assume it is not the least bit helpful for you if I tell you, in complete sincerity, that none of these thoughts arise in cessation. 

18 minutes ago, Orb said:

im very black and white with this stuff. 

its either i think I'm going through withdrawal, or that it's just my beliefs. 

Which one is it? Or is it a lil bit of both? 

Maybe you can see my mental deterioration in how I'm wording my words?

In this experience, that is swiftly noted as discordant rumination. As an example, maybe many thoughts are arising about what a mess my closet is. How I wish it was organized, maybe even color coded. Some hangers on the wall for hoodies would be nice. Maybe a shoe organizer. Be nice if I actually got around to painting it. An inspiring uplifting color would be nice. 

Conversely… picking up a single sock off the floor and putting it in the hamper, is change. (And is not discordant ruminating). 

Sometimes it’s best to focus on feeling breathing from the stomach, relaxing, letting the activity of thought settle. Sometimes it’s best to just clean the closet. Which feels least resistant? 

 

“Mental deterioration” is a very specific term. What does that bring to mind? 

 

Also, consider ‘witnessing’ or ‘observer’ mode. More or less… letting the thought activity of ‘doing’ go by focusing on perception & feeling and basically watching. It’s the most amazing thing… fingers continue typing, breathing happens all on it’s own, working is getting done some how, etc. 

[Zeroguy]

39 minutes ago, Phil said:

 🙂 

You however, love unconditionally. 

True.❤

[Phil]

33 minutes ago, Orb said:

I get confused because there's no one doing anything and all that spiritual stuff, but then I'm like losing my mind over here. 

Also, only if it’s helpful / feels like relief… that may reflect what has been adopted as a belief, vs inspected. 

[Aware Wolf]

2 hours ago, Orb said:

@Phil Ive been indulging in lots of substances and unhealthy behaviors. 

But idk what to do. I can't think straight 😤, and I've barely been sleeping. 

Like I'm doing all these things that don't feel good in the long run, isn't it necessary to stop? 

I get confused because there's no one doing anything and all that spiritual stuff, but then I'm like losing my mind over here. 

I'm barely able to speak coherently to people at this point, and my memories going down the drain. 

 

I think what you're going thru is pretty common. There's your first post of how to transfer mat samadhi to outside the mat, which is a key question. Then there's the toxic environment most of us have to live and work in. There's studies that show more traffic accidents after daylight savings time when people just lose one hour of sleep. If you're not sleeping -- this is a much greater disruption. There is a mind-body connection and there's a body-mind connection. One of the worst times I had, mentally, was when I had cellulitis and ran a fever and had fever night sweats. I've pondered how enlightened a person could possibly be if they have food poisoning and have projectile vomiting and pooping. 

I think often these problems should be approached holistically. How is your sleeping? Your diet? Your social network? Are you still doing the things you enjoy or used to enjoy? Exercise? Small steps, many times. 

If you're being caught out being annoyed at work, first congratulate yourself for being mindful that you're aware of this. I like U Tejaniya (books are free on his website) and he used to work in a Rangoon market. It was too busy to meditate and what U Tejaniya did was frequent check-ins with the mind along with the associated judgment. I think a key is to catch annoyance arising quickly as you can and then decide on a wise course of action. Sometimes when I felt out of sorts, I would just emphasize listening. If my mind was still a blank, I'd ask the person what their opinion/advice was. This often went over pretty well, people like being listened to and asked for input.