noomii Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 Allowing myself to express freely. Editing- & judging less. 27/1 I feel doubt about what to do. I procrastinate a lot, there's a lot of thoughts and hours pass by so quickly. I've been mindful of what I feel. Tried to do the emotional scale earlier but it felt too heavy. I did go from discouragement to blame though and the blame felt really good. I was blaming the one creating suffering lol. One habit I've been trying to do almost everyday now is questioning thoughts. I've started to do it for a shorter time because I feel so tired when doing it. Maybe it's better to do it just once in a while for a longer duration to really go deep into it, idk. I feel tense and a bit stressed writing this. Feel stressed about wanting to write what I want before my focus/head feels like mashed potatoes. I feel stressed thinking I need to be productive before I go to bed. I'm not even productive I'm just ruminating. I want to be free and have fun. I want to deeply relax and I want deep sleep 😤😭 I want to connect with friends tomorrow, cuddle & be out in nature. I want to do something fun & crazy too, I don't know yet what that is. I just want something very scary, new, stimulating, very exciting & joyful. I feel extremely understimulated. I might as well make a list of things I find scary and just do it all. ❤ 28/1 I feel stressed and I don't know what to do. I'm sitting by the stove as I just made up some fire. Very scattered in thought and hours pass by so quickly it seems without me being productive. I just did the emotional scale and went the whole way up. I think I should just bask in this everyday. - I feel tense as fuck in the body and I don't know what to do. I've isolated so much, not because I want to. It just always seems like I need to put in so much effort to get anything I truly want and the more I try the more it seems like it's kept away from me. I hate it. So I've tried to stop trying to see where I end up & to feel whatever comes up. And here I am. I feel awful, grief, guilt & powerlessness. Feels like I've failed with this day and I feel incredibly alone. I feel annoyed by how I write too, makes me cringe. I think what feels bad are the thoughts about how I believe people will perceive how I write. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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