Please... I really need help to make sens of my horror LSD trip.

[Forza21]

 

 First of all, thank you so much for your ALL the love and support. I love this community.  ❤️

I can't make sense of my LSD trip, i need help with that. Please help me. I still can't sleep, work, or live, because of it.

It's been almost a month since it. It was my 12-13 trip, first "bad" ever.

I was stuck in the narration of solipsism to begin with. I was really, really afraid of it,

I took LSD and i went straight to the GOD realization. Everything was GOD, walls, air, doors, floor, everything. I thought " so it was only my self-deception, and i"m God too". I felt like i was cheating myself to not know. Everything was fine till this point. Maybe if i reframe it i could say it was just conciousness/love/energy. It's fine and it gives me a good feeling.

I went to talk to my girlfriend, and i realized that there's nobody else than GOD, so it's no coming back, even if i go to the doctor, all i meet is GOD.

I stared to talk to my girlfriend.  I have no idea why, but from this point i took it very, very, personal. I thought like there was still a person, "as me", Forza. 

She said " You are God" . ( she was in the God realization too, she only wanted to make me realize it too, that's what she says).

And here, i felt "God" as in Catholic sense, i was raised in it. Maybe that created all the problem? That phrasing? It certainly felt like "i am the one".

I felt like i imagined all my life, my parents, all the world. 

I looked out of the window, and all my neighbors living next houses, just disappeared. There were just 2 of us in the entire world.  Then all the buildings collapsed into me. All the physical reality.  There was only the face of my girlfriend left, the woman i love so much, only her face, floating in the air, without a body. 

I asked her "who are you?"  and she replied "i'm you" and i took it personally once again. As I created her.

Then her eyes went empty. It was pure void. Zero life in it. I was left completely ALONE, staring into my girlfriend dead eyes. Alone, as GOD, who imagined all this, even her.  All the horror i ever felt, was fucking joke compared to that.

After a few seconds, but it felt like infinity, her eyes went sparky again. I felt like "I gave her a life". But it might be next narration as "person."

After that, i wanted to kill myself. I was so close to suicide. I only wanted to forget. I have never felt so terrified, and lonely, in my entire life.

Now i can't make sense of it. There are many thoughts like "maybe I'm GOD ( as Forza), and i imagine all the people"?  I still believe i'm this body-mind, and it's all in my head.

The worse part is i feel so disconnected from love. I still wonder, if i imagine my girlfriend, my parents, if they are even there, or am i completely alone, as Forza.  If the world even exist outside my pov. ( i mean it in RELATIVE SENSE, not the absolute. From the God's perspective i know it it's imaginary, but from RELATIVE sense?) there's so much struggle to know what's real in ralative or not. That's the biggest issue i think. And that catholic sense of "God" as the One creator...

Maybe "my ego" (thought appearance, which i believe) corrupted all the insight during the trip, and i felt it all personal, as FORZA, as Catholic God, i felt like i was the only thing alive. 

I can't make sense of it, and it slowly destroys my life.

Any advice would be appreciated... i've never suffered so much in my entire life.

Thank you ❤️

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Forza21

[Orb]

Meditate, find the real peace in taking deep breaths, notice that breathing deeply and relaxing the body is Action taken to calm down, not thinking about "how do I feel better?".

[Phil]

Look again, from here. 

[Faith]

@Forza21 Seems that spiritual "concepts" are not your friend right now. These thoughts are not doing you any good and are distorted.

Since they are distorted they make no sense. My best advice throw these thoughts out, refuse them your attention when they arise. Ground yourself in the present moment.

Try practicing mindfulness and focus your attention on the body when very troublesome thoughts arise- focus on breathing. Breathe, in, 123, out, 123, in, 123, ect. this takes attention from the mind to the body.

Look up "guided imagery" on youtube. You might find this relaxing and soothing to the mind. 

I hope you feel better.

💙

[Forza21]

On 3/24/2022 at 1:31 PM, Orb said:

Meditate, find the real peace in taking deep breaths, notice that breathing deeply and relaxing the body is Action taken to calm down, not thinking about "how do I feel better?".

That's true ❤️ taking action is not thinking about it, just experiencing it.

20 hours ago, Faith said:

@Forza21 Seems that spiritual "concepts" are not your friend right now. These thoughts are not doing you any good and are distorted.

Since they are distorted they make no sense. My best advice throw these thoughts out, refuse them your attention when they arise. Ground yourself in the present moment.

Try practicing mindfulness and focus your attention on the body when very troublesome thoughts arise- focus on breathing. Breathe, in, 123, out, 123, in, 123, ect. this takes attention from the mind to the body.

Look up "guided imagery" on youtube. You might find this relaxing and soothing to the mind. 

I hope you feel better.

💙

 Yes, that's true. I brainwashed myself with concepts and that's the outcome. 😉  It's time to take time off.  I'll look " guided imagery" on youtube  ❤️ thanks brother! 

On 3/24/2022 at 2:12 PM, Phil said:

Look again, from here. 

True. Every second there's new beginning ❤️ 

 

[Faith]

47 minutes ago, Forza21 said:

❤️ thanks brother! 

It's sister. 😂💙

[Forza21]

11 hours ago, Faith said:

It's sister. 😂💙

haha 😄❤️ Thank you sister ❤️❤️❤️ 

[Phil]

😂💙

 

 

If it resonates, brings about clarity in these matters…. ‘What is projection’, and ‘what is deflection’. 

In short ‘the discord is because of “you”, vs simply…  what I’m thinkin, what I’m saying’. 

As always, feedback is appreciated if you have any suggestions. 

 

[Forza21]

10 hours ago, Phil said:

😂💙

 

 

If it resonates, brings about clarity in these matters…. ‘What is projection’, and ‘what is deflection’. 

In short ‘the discord is because of “you”, vs simply…  what I’m thinkin, what I’m saying’. 

As always, feedback is appreciated if you have any suggestions. 

 

Thank you Phil. Its almost too good and too be true.

 

and thats why i have doubtful thoughts like " how do you know if good feeling isnt self-deception and truth is scary"?  and im not quite convince how to deal with that ? But i slowly realize The love… when i help others i cry… and for a brief moment all The suffering is gone… 

Edited March 26, 2022 by Forza21

[Phil]

@Forza21

 

You’re unthinkable goodness. 🙂 It’s a weird conundrum.

Seek on, until there is absolutely no doubt. 
 

Suffering disappears under the light of inspection, without exception. When there is thinking there is suffering, check perception & feeling, actually find it, literally. 

Find the self which suffers, and or inspect directly into the feeling which thought labels suffering. 

 

If it sounds like horseshit & smells like horseshit, just step over it.
Let people work their own horseshit out. If they don’t want to inspect… then that is what is, and it is perfection. 

 

Helping others is a thoughtless 🤍 thing to do.