Inno
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Posts posted by Inno
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I've recently bought magic truffles from Microdose Pro and was really excited to start microdosing as a means to support "the work".
For the context, I've microdosed home-grown Golden Teacher mushrooms and had no problem at all, however I've tried microdosing the truffles both yesterday and today in the morning and literally 20 - 30 minutes after ingesting a strong wave of nausea came up and vomitted both times.I've chewed on them and swallowed with water, which a friend of mine mentioned is not how you do it (the chewing bit).
Any thoughts or experience?
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13 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:
I think the problem with reaching for better emotions is this turns into ego. One has to get comfortable with all states of emotion to be Married to the Whole. Human joy is not Divine Bliss. I'm not saying it's bad to want more pleasant experiences, but this is privileging order over chaos in that duality too. The Divine is able to find joy despite the ups and downs of what the ego finds pleasant or not. That's one of the huge benefits of integrating the Divine. You can hold the Whole together despite the multitude of discordant parts and still maintain an okayness -- some people call this bliss but I think that's somewhat of an overstatement. It's an okayness, an allowing. The Whole contains every perspective.
Where is this Divine Bliss you're talking about? Never seen, heard, tasted, touched or smelled it myself. How is it different than "Human joy"?
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@ThePoint Are you related/influenced to/by Paul Chek by any chance?
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When we were children, we would randomly pick a word and start repeating, it until it sounded silly.
Why not do the same with thoughts that don't feel good?
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"By focusing on the breath, I'm ignoring all of the thoughts and wounds I have" ~ Guilt felt
Focus is a peculiar thing. It's like a lens, a space, which is "filled with" what is focused upon.
In this sense it is quite literally impossible to ignore anything. There is no duality of Ignoring something <> Focusing upon something.
There is just focus. So ignoring all of the wounds I have is not really an experience of ignoring anything. It's focusing on the thought "ignoring whathever" and feeling the guidance of guilt. -
9 hours ago, Phil said:
Perhaps the greatest tip with using the emotional scale are the conceptualizations, rationalizations & justifications which aren’t on the scale.
To name a few… bitterness, animosity, resentment, anxiety, loneliness, desolation, nervousness, disgust, discontent, apathy, confusion, sorrow, regret, panic, betrayal, agony, wrath, agitation, mistrust, disillusionment, paranoia, tension, discomfort, neglect, suspicion, repulsion, heartache, annoyance, displeasure, isolation, unease, defensiveness, inferiority, shame, hopelessness, antipathy, defeat, vexation, aversion, embarrassment, resignation, cynicism, restlessness, fury, futility, mortification, unhappiness, self-pity, discord, exasperation, loathing, affliction, depression, trepidation, torment, apprehension, irritability, chagrin, dissatisfaction, disgruntlement, misgiving, repugnance, animus, dysphoria, choler, indignation, upset, turmoil, perturbation, agitation, discontentment, disapproval, paranoia, spitefulness, malevolence, vindictiveness, sourness, grumpiness, miff, crossness, wretchedness, malaise, alienation.
How to be certain that the abovementioned are conceptualizations and not the emotions listed on the scale?
How is sorrow conceptualization and despair or grief not? How is hopelessness conceptualization and powerlessness not?
How to be 100% certain the emotional scale is an exhaustive list and there is nothing left out?
How to differentiate between conceptualization and emotion? -
@Phil If the majority of emotions experienced is within the black/grey end of the emotional scale, does that mean that it is the case because the higher emotion/s are not acknowledged (jealousy, hate/rage) or because the emotion experienced is not expressed?
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It appears it all boils down to discord/alignment and "the work", doesn't it? :)
It makes sense though, I've had good nights sleep and in most cases I did not intentionally do anything for it, so kinda happens naturally/when out of the way.
QuoteIt’s impossible to say exactly how or even if these result in or correlate with a difference with sleep, because we never actually experience sleep. So I’d say these have everything to do with seeing the truth of the implied duality of awake & asleep and simply being reality / nondual wakefulness or what is already the case or actuality.
Yes, sleep is not experienced directly I guess. What is experienced is the moment prior to falling asleep, as well as the moment after waking up. What about dreams though?
QuoteThese did seem to result in a brain body rewiring, which probably sounds weird but is uber natural, extremely pleasant & blissful, seems to be historically referred to as cessation and is indicative of well being or source if you will. There doesn’t seem to be much info available on the rewiring. The only person I’ve heard mention this is Rupert Spira. I can say it’s a ‘real phenomena’, actually happens & is super awesome. The most fundamental aspect I can point to is that thought simply does not define perception. Happy to answer any questions that might come up. Again, a lot of what I’m saying probably sounds weird or out there, so I’m applying brevity really.
This sounds very interesting. Can you explain more about that rewiring? I've never heard anyone talk about it.
Is this the video you refer to?
"Thought simply does not define perception" in what regard do you mention that? Does it mean that all body related experience is still experience of perception/sensation? And also, since you've barely heard anyone talk about it, do you think it's possible for everyone? Have you met anyone else experiencing this? Is it a "part of the way" so to speak?Also, would you be open to share your daily routine? As to when do you wake up, diet, sleep, exercise, etc? Not necessary if too personal of course. :)
QuoteIt has to do with me, my, mine. The separate self of thought is the resistance.
Energy is not coming to a separate self from sleeping & eating.
There isn’t the duality of energy and a self.
It seems like the separate self is being accused/demonised in a lot of the non-dual circles. Why does it have to do with me/my/mine and not with simply misunderstood thought/beliefs? Or does it mean that all such thought/beliefs are based on underlying "me/my/mine" beliefs?
QuoteWhat if, so to speak, you’ve been dying every single night and are literally born again every single morning….all is anew…
but this is missed via the overlaying of thoughts about another me which sleeps and is awake, alive, thinking, doing, which has things, knows things, etc. These are thoughts and thoughts are just appearing… perception is appearing…sensation is appearing… all apparent - isn’t it so in direct experience? Ever notice none of ‘it’ is ‘there’… without you? And that the difference fun & happiness wise between work and not work is… “you”?
I will have to reflect on this for a while:) Thanks! -
@Mandy I agree, it is easy to start expecting to feel a certain way based on the data from the wearable. I don't think it affects me that much tbh, it's just something I've noticed being quite consistent is the waking up during night's sleep.
Otherwise it's kinda weird, I've just spent 3-4 days in the mountaints with a friend and he was doing night shifts. I ended up getting to bed later than my usual hours- think 12:30-02:00 AM and getting up at 9. The data from the Oura was terrible- 4-5hrs of sleep in total, however I did not feel bad during the day. Did not even want to nap or anything, was quite alert and calm. Maybe it has a lot to do with the environment and the change as well, because the day I got back to my routine and went to work I felt extremely tired in the early afternoon.
Thank you for the practical recommendations, I will look into them. I do drink coffee and try to limit my intake to be up until 3 PM, maybe I should try to push it back a bit. -
I've been using an Oura ring for the past 3 months, and one thing that stands out quite consistently is the quality of my sleep.
For the past months almost every night my sleep is interrupted and I wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes even 2-3 times.
I don't wake up energized at all. I feel the amount of sleep I get is sufficient enough not to have a terrible effect on me, however I would say it's not optimal. For reference I'm getting around 1 hr of Deep Sleep on average.
How is your sleep? Have you struggled with it? What actions have you taken in order to improve?
@Phil I remember you saying somewhere you sleep a lot less than 8hrs. How's that going for you? Any tips? -
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If you finish the scale you always get the result desired, which is feeling better, which is really just being you. 🤍
@Phil It seems like it would take forever to finish the scale. I barely move 3-4 bars on it for 30 minutes.
It also is quite draining thb, like it requires quite a bit of concentration to do this work.
Out of curiousity, how long did you spend with the scale initially when you started this type of practice? Let alone finish it? -
"How do you feel?" - Probably one of the hardest questions to answer. During therapy it was the same, I still had difficulties answering the question.
I can't give an exact answer. I just... don't know. I can't tell. Or even if I say something, it barely changes anything.
Aren't you thinking a few steps in advance? Acknowledging how you feel is not about changing anything."Even if I say how I feel, this does not change a thing" - Why would you want to change it?
"Because I don't like how I feel. And I don't want to feel this way."Alright, but the question was "How do you feel?", why do we have to go in the direction "there is no point in telling/expressing how I feel, because i doesn't change it"?
Emotional Intelligence. Maybe it's just that, being able to distinguish what is happening on the inside and what emotions are being felt.
Now that's some interesting correlations. It seems that asking "How do you/I feel?" triggers a bunch of other statements and conclusions, without even noticing.
Even further, Guilt, Insecurity, Shame are being felt, when an answer to the question is not given."I don't know how I feel, therefore I can't do anything to feel better" ~ Insecurity, Guilt, Powerlessness
"I am supposed to know how to feel better" ~ Guilt
"But I don't" ~ Guilt, Fear, Insecurity
"If I don't feel good/better, I can't do anything in Life"
"If I am always depressed, insecure, people won't like me & won't want to be around me. Or they would do so out of pity" ~ Unworthiness, Insecurity
"I am depressed. I am insecure." - Is this really true?"I am insecure. Am I insecure all the time, always?"
"I don't feel insecurty now. So does it mean that I change? OR just that I can't be anything, let alone insecure. It's an emotion felt."
Depression would be more like a label. For emotions experienced in the grey/black bars. And thoughts believed. -
"There is no self/separate self" ~ Insecurity, Fear
There seem to be such claims, that don't resonate. I see such terms used all over and they are met with Fear, Insecurity.
Would that mean there is something else related, that is not expressed? What does "There is no self" mean? What is the implication of such claim?
It seems like every thought/perspective is inherently meaningful, as in meaning is not something seperate.
"There is no meaning" therefore can't be true, as the very same thought implies the meaning. Thought is inherently meaningful.
What if there is a self? What would that mean? What would change then?
"There is no self" vs. "There is a self"
If there is a self, that would mean that there is other than self too. Seperate self. Seperate from what? Seperate from the world? From Reality?All subjects therefore would be the implication of the seperate self. As in subject is different or separate from object.
Awareness aware of ________. Would that imply that Awareness is the subject?
This does not seem to confirm or deny the initial statement. How to go about it? If there is a self, then there would be Awareness, aware of the self, and the self itself.
Other than Awareness would mean separate from Awareness.
This is going nowhere.
What would be an example of a separate self?"I am doing this" "I am doing that" "I'm aware of this" "I can do this" "I can't do this" "I know this" "I know that"
The implication of the above is that there is a self doing X, a self aware of Y, a self that can/can't, a self that knows.
It would essentialy refer to the "I". How is that I related to Awareness? There is no need for I, for Awareness to be. The I or seperate self is only present when thoughts about it appear. Ahh, this is more dificult than I expected. I need a break.
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"I am not sure whether I should write what I think first, and then try to calibrate as to the emotion felt, or just state which emotion is being felt" ~ Insecurity
"Does every thought resonate at a certain emotional frequency?" ~ Insecurity
"I've used the scale a few times and I felt better, but I don't know how it works and whether it's a long term solution" ~ Worry, Doubt, Insecurity
"Worry, Doubt and Insecurity are worlds away on the scale. Is it possible to feel all 3 related to a thought or perspective?" ~ Insecurity
"I think I'm conceptualizing everything" ~ Despair, Fear, Insecurity, Guilt
"Does it have to be linear? Does expression follow the structure of the scale?" ~ Doubt
"It's just someone's idea for fucks sake. You can't fit your whole emotional world in a freaking scale and expect the world to move around it" ~ Anger
"Why should I use it?" ~ Anger
"Everything that follows a certain structure feels imposed on me, as in I have to follow something/someone else's will" ~ ...
"I have to dress up and go to work. How to keep up with all this stuff when I have to work and perform?" ~ Discouragement, Worry, Insecurity
"This seems robotic. Can't I just freely write and express what I think?"
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I've decided to finally create a public journal. A lot of mixed feelings about it. Nevertheless, the purpose of it is to mainly try and utilize the emotional scale. I say try, because I had been introduced to it around 2 years ago, used it a couple of times and didn't get the result I was expecting. From there on the belief that I can't express emotion and don't know how to use it came about.
Why around the fire? Well, once while journaling I imagined a dark night with a campfire. Different parts of me were sitting around the fire, welcomed and part of the group. There were noises in the dark, like wild animals passing by, outside of the light from the fire. I kind of imagine repression the same way. Scared, fearful, angry parts that do not feel like part of the party. And once welcomed, they are not that scary noise in the dark, danger is not projected upon them anymore. We seem them as they are. Seemed like a good analogy. -
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“Semantics” is basically an initial ego defense. A way to not hear the message.
Remember this is what you’re asking about.
“Feel fully” is acknowledging the emotion felt - beyond (technically prior to) thoughts about (conceptualization).
Do you mean "Semantics" as a topic of rationalization in general? Because it was meant as a genuine question as to Is there a difference and what that difference is in both "ways" of expression. I've started spending 10-15 minutes a day with the emotional scale just writing down thoughts and kind of calibrating as to which emotion of the scale is being felt.
I was thinking of doing that on the forum so people who have experience with this approach can chime and and give their feedback.QuoteNo there is not. 🥰 That wouldn’t actually be an experience, it would be a mental overlay or obscuring, an assumption that there is something which there isn’t.
Damn, I'm lost, lol. It is tricky, on one hand I see that every explanation of phenomena happening is a thought. On the other hand, sort of within consciousness it seems like stuff is happening. Not separate from consciousness, but still.
QuotePractical is another ‘ego’ defense. A way to not fully feel.
Keep in mind what you’re asking about is fully feeling. Being, without the stress, tension, etc. And without the dis-ease that most often follows prolonged stress, tension, etc (suppression / not fully feeling).
Same question asked about "Semantics" would apply to "practical" basically.
With practical I mean whether the practice of expression and release of beliefs is being done right maybe, idk.There are thousands ways to journal I guess.
'There are thousands ways to journal I guess" = Insecurity, Doubt"Maybe I don't know the right way" = Insecurity
"Maybe I should write on the forum so someone can correct me and validate the way I do it" = Insecurity
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@Devin It makes sense. A thought arises that when the turbulence hits, thoughts like "is this the best way to approach this" or "I need to know how to solve/figure this out" appear and are taken as true. I guess what you mean by allowing the thoughts and feelings to arise is to indeed acknowledge the thoughts and recognize them as thoughts, as in not getting tangled up in the story.
Quote“I don’t know how to express”. Which emotion is felt?
”I can’t use the emotional scale”. Which emotion is felt.
@Phil Hm, I can't pinpoint an exact emotion from the scale per se, however I would say something in the black/grey spectrum.
I think helplessness is being experienced in relation to those thoughts. Maybe powerlessness (sort of the same as helplessness, no?), despair, fear.Yet again, what difference does it make to express the thought "despair is felt in relation to the thought X" compared to "thought X"? Seems semantical and a matter of wording, honestly.
QuoteNo. There’s no registrar, or investigator (you).
Do you mean that as in registrar or investigator (you) are thoughts? Whether or not thoughts are believed, when writing down, isn't there the experience of writing stuff down? Either beliefs, thoughts, expressed emotion, whatever? So the question was more practical in a sense, or at least was meant as such.
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Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it.
@Devin It totally makes sense to experience whatever comes up, the issue, looking in hindsight, is/was that what "came up" made it look like or implied that something had to be done, I could not do it, something was needed, etc. Otherwise it is kinda impossible to experience anything else than what is coming up, doesnt it?
@nonduallogic Exactly what I ended up doing. I think that when you go through a certain amount of such intense discordant cycles, at some point this is the only thing to do. Now I try not to entertain any rumination or discordant thoughts, just relax and breathe deeply. 🙏QuoteOne way to notice this is to notice that when there are thoughts about suppressing feeling, there is how those thoughts feel, and so feeling isn’t absent. But this is very much the Good news. Feeling is never what thought ‘says’ it is. The word / thought ‘feeling’ just points. The ‘path’ as it were is all about discovering the truth of feeling, as in what is absolute and unchanging under any & all situations & circumstances.
@Phil Indeed good news. So thoughts like "I don't know how to express" or "I can't use the emotional scale" are exactly that, thoughts, and are not at all true. As in no thought can ever be true. And those thoughts resonate at a certain emotional frequency, so to speak?
A question regarding expression and inspection. It is fairly clear now that discordant thoughts are to be let go. At times a discordant thought passes through and it is clearly seen as a thought, not believed. However from the emotional scale point of view, and for the purpose of clarity and peace, do I have to sort of see what emotion is associated with the particular thought? Also, do you inspect everything expressed, as in written?
QuoteThis has high potential to be taken personally and seem offensive. It’s not at all meant that way. Notice what was suggested is hugging a stranger… but the interpretation which arose is all about a me or myself. That’s kind of indicative of ‘the path’ and what’s being said. It’s quite shocking in the best possible way, just how different life is without interpretation arising / seeing reality as it is. The “problem” is words, even the greatest of words, can never actually convey just how Good, Good is.
No offense taken. It is true and I receive the feedback. I don't quite know what to do with it, but anyways:) Btw what do you mean by "indicative of the path"?
QuoteOld approach: self referential thoughts. Thoughts about a self… the one who decided, the one who’s distressed, the one who can’t think straight, the one who will just breathe, the one who knows it’s not a good time to inquire.
New approach: I’m feeling the emotion _________________.
A question again: What is the difference between venting and expressing?
Is there a difference for example with the following:
1. X was so inconsiderate in Y situation, yada yada.2. The emotion experienced is anger with relation to the thought "X was so inconsiderate in Y situation, yada yada"
QuoteArising from that, is the notion of a should on behalf of the separate self, as if one needs the circumstances to change (going on sabbatical) for there to be feeling, guidance, peace of mind, awakening, enlightenment, etc. By all means take a retreat, go on sabbatical… but also (imo) be careful with interpretations made from all these concepts which only “serve” to conceptualize and suppress emotions, guidance, feeling. Unfortunately it can lead to isolation, difficulty with having relationships, a stunting of otherwise naturally occurring maturing and the like. Misery, essentially.
But it kind of seems so, everytime I go somewhere new, either to the mountains, seaside or am just busy doing something, thoughts like this don't appear and I feel better. It is only afterwards, when I have more time, the same ol thoughts and beliefs visit again.
But yeah, this last bit resonated, as it was my experience in the past few years. -
@solereproduction my man, nothing simple about your response, lol :D
Maps of meaning comes to mind, as a concept by JBP. It's interesting how your response is like a very complex map of the world, explaining direct experience with those concepts. Jordan Peterson's view is that a person develops such a one with his/her life experience and maybe "negative emotion" is just a wrong map, idk.
But it's funny how @Phil's attitude and spirituality in general is more like "Burn the freaking map, you don't need it", while the general view is "build a comprehensive map". Which way to go?:) -
@Phil Thanks for your reply.
On 7/28/2023 at 4:27 PM, Phil said:Feeling is feeling. Helium.
So no way to "not feel" or block/supress feeling?
Reading my OP, I guess the whole post can be simplified as to:
1. There is discord/suffering felt2. I want to feel better
3. How the hell?
On 7/28/2023 at 4:27 PM, Phil said:Is emotion not the compass Home?
Maybe, I dont know. It's a good feeling analogy tho. I think I've been "Home", however never walked the road back Home from far away, if that makes sense. I've just happened to be Home.
QuoteTension is the tense I am in; past, present, future. The contraction of sensation denotes this is not the case. Presence Is. The illusion is fundamentally “I’m here”. The knower knows this. Therein the thought is a misinterpretation, a belief, and alignment is the remedy.
Why is there tension now and not when I was 12 or 15? I was even more convinced I am a 12-15 year old boy with the story back then?
On 7/28/2023 at 4:27 PM, Phil said:Has ye never hugged nor been hugged?
Simply extend one to the next stranger on your path and you will find what you are looking for.
I have. Can I hug-away myself up the emotional scale towards feeling good?
Maybe there is a fixation upon writing as being the only way to express. And following the emotional scale as being the way. And myself as being unable to do so, no matter how many times I've tried.On 7/28/2023 at 4:27 PM, Phil said:“I’m feeling ________.”
How is the pastime of the wise (fools).
Sounds dang simple. When I try to sit down and write I often times find it difficult to just pinpoint. Even now.
No How? Sounds hell of a close to know-how, lol.
On 7/28/2023 at 4:27 PM, Phil said:Helplessness isn’t an emotion, as in is not felt. It is the concept, helplessness, which is felt. Ask humbly within to be lead and you shall receive without fail and without exception. Attempt to lead and the utterly pungent fear, despair & powerlessness tell you the truth of you. Listen.
How do I tell the difference between emotion felt and a concept which does not resonate and is being felt?
The latter resonates and honestly, I've decided that when I'm distressed or can't think straight, I will just breathe it through and let the storm pass. Maybe it's not the best time to inquire and "try" to express when in such.Also, a question regarding projection. Can projection be happening upon "myself" rather than projecting onto others? Still the emotion is felt, however it is believed to be about myself?
On 7/28/2023 at 4:27 PM, Phil said:Sometimes a ‘seeing’ happens. Without getting personal, it’s entirely possible for someone’s day in and day out to be in service, but for it all to be contextualized as about a self. Mentally it is a highly stretched or pulled apart paradox being upheld for no reason sans fear, though it is unknown what the fear is actually of, and the cause or source of fear has not been considered, questioned, inspected. When the balloon is popped (that one is not the thoughts or idea of oneself being upheld) the entire ‘system’ / process of thinking falls apart, and there is a fallout. It is right for the ‘system’ to fail, collapse. It is inevitable. Time is needed to recover. One too busy for recovery is one too busy to see this. But when the balloon is popped indeed feeling, which seems unfindable or missing, does come flooding in one hundred fold for the good done in the name of good, unbeknownst to the self, and washes much out.
What comes to mind, I've recently had an acid trip (first one that I consider a real trip) and it was very clear that there is nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. Like literally, a thought came to mind during that time "what should I be afraid of?" and "What should I be ashamed of?" and literally imagined myself being old, wearing a diaper, a full one:) And it felt like there is nothing to be ashamed of, kind of owned it.
So in a sense during that time and a few days afterwards fear was seen through. Not in the sense that "fearful" thoughts did not appear, but after appearing they were seen through as being irreleveant. During this 4-5 days I've experienced openness, new stuff happening to me, being open to other people, ideas about businesses and what I want to do were coming easily. However in a weeks time everything came back to "normal". Maybe this is what people refer to as Ego backlash, idk.Too busy for recovery... maybe. Maybe I should just take a sabbatical and leave in a village for a month, idk. I just feel like all of the thoughts "thunk" during the discord are so sticky, so familiar and so convincing that i get sucked into it again. For now, stomach breaths.
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What is Feeling? How is it different than sensation?
When meditating and relaxing the body, at some point the sensation of my legs, arms and "inner body" gets quite intense.However when focusing on my stomach area I often feel sort of like a block there, as in there is some space which I'm not allowed to enter. An Ice block that I can't feel the insides of so to speak.
What is emotion in that regard? How to "feel fully" a certain emotion, in order to discharge tension?
How to express an emotion? Isn't all expression an expression of thoughts? How can I express emotion, it is not in thought?
Certainly, as @Phil often says, certain thoughts feel discordant and it can clearly be seen sometimes. However sometimes there is some tension, heaviness that I can't quite put my finger on. Specific thoughts don't come to mind and it seems like it is not just discordant thoughts. More like acumulated stress or emotional baggage.When I sit down with the intention to write most of the time I'm at a loss. I don't know which emotion is felt. Maybe it's despair or helplessness and then I don't know what to do in order to move up the scale.
Am I doing anything related to emotional healing when meditating? Or relaxing the body and focusing on breathing is just that and understanding emotion and emotional expression fall into another category?
Jeez, a lot of questions. -
Very good-feeling perspective, thank you for sharing:)
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Magic truffles nausea
in The Path
Posted
You mean for both shrooms and truffles?