howisitsoactivehere

Every day I have to deal with tension headaches, restless legs from the medication I'm on, I have to go for jogs and walks (literally the only form of exercise I can tolerate) emptying my bowels (disgusting and causes me anxiety to think people can hear me), have to take showers every few days (I hate the sensation of getting wet). Also on my walks I constantly am in fear of bumping into people I know. My social skills are non-existent these days. I know I should be grateful that these are the things I have to worry about, it could be so much worse, but then I awakened and found out I have to live the life of everyone who ever existed and have to deal with these things for an ETERNITY. Makes me want to kill myself but then I remember I'll just reincarnate or wake up in a hospital bed disabled, or wake up in my bed groundhog day style. I just hate that I have to be a human, and my life is so good and I still can't appreciate it at all. Thanks for reading.

Is it kundalini? It's directly where my 3rd eye is and it gets more strong when people are around or when I have to read or concentrate. It's really making normal life impossible, I've become super antisocial, am unemployed. Phil said in his matrix of maya video Neo saying "why do my eyes hurt" and Morpheus saying "you've never used them before", it kinda felt like this but it's been 6 months now, will these headaches eventually subside? I love Phil's videos and so want to leave this all behind me and experience the dreamboard gains but it feels like I have no control over these headaches, I can't even enjoy socialising anymore because it gets more intense when I have to make eye contact. I hope it goes on it's own.

I was listening to part 2 and part 3 of Phil's how you create your reality videos and being aware of my thoughts and how they made me feel and I tell you what, it correlated basically every time. I'm shocked, it can't be this simple surely. So that statement was doubt and it made me feel slightly bad. It's like you can go meta on every thought sensation and be like "where is that on the scale?" then express it and let it go, then focus on feeling and breathing and contentedness. Am I doing it right?