Defensiveness

[Orb]

I notice there's a connection with feeling annoyed at home with my mom and socializing in the outside world.

 

The connection is defensiveness.

 

I notice I isolate myself from people when possible, and get defensive when I can't wall myself off. 

 

It's a sensitivity thing, I feel like I have to take off my armor around people, and it feels intense. 

 

Like I gotta let everyone in. 

[Phil]

When that happens bring what’s on you dreamboard to mind, where you’re headed and what you’re creating. Allow everyone else the same. Let what people might think & feel be there business. Make what you think & feel your business. 

 

Try to identity the emotion. Take the power back. If you leave it at annoyed with mom & the outside world you’ll continue to feel the same emotion. Recognizing it is expressing it. Then the next emotion is relief. 

 

Also notice what’s being defended is the separate self, or pain body. Everything that feels discordant to you which you want to let go  is being defended out of habit. 

 

Be careful with impossible expectations. Don’t expect to know or be proficient in what you haven’t yet experienced. Bring to mind what you’ve learned so far, the insights, etc. 

 

When the defensive reaction arises - don’t react, relax, respond. Take pause. Even a few seconds is a game changer. Let the whole body sink, head to toe. Breathe from the stomach. Take your time to say what you want to say and feel how you want to feel.  Say what you think and or feel, rather than saying something about mom or social peeps. 

 

Being yourself as you are is always enough.