Eternal Posted July 30, 2022 Share Posted July 30, 2022 Decided to go out last night to practice pickup/game and of course I did not enjoy it whatsoever. Found myself judging others a lot of the time. I would approach and say hey to women but after the approach I would become so stifled. My mind was just wanting to run away from her while I said hey. Like I did not even want to be a part of this conversation. That was most of my approaches. I find it so hard conversing with girls. I don't understand why they make everything so challenging. Why does everyone hide behind these walls. A lot of the time I was just trying to speak. I felt very stifled in social settings though. Did not know what to say or talk about. How to escalate things forward in a sexual way is probably my biggest obstacle. Most approaches were just friendship dynamics. I am scared of showing my masculinity so I usually play it safe and ask for the number to arrange a date. This all stems from me not loving myself and not being enough which is why I am seeking validation. Every weekend I just end up laying in bed all day Saturday and Sunday in the worst state.. Really bad feelings of unworthiness and loads of negative thoughts. I distract myself with my phone and T.V from the uncomfortable emotions but always the weekends are the hardest because it makes me realize how shit my social skills are and especially at attracting women. Now I don't even know what to say because I am trying to force myself to say something but being in bed all day is not enjoyable. I just don't want to do anything with my time but be in bed. I hate wasting my life. I wish I was not so addicted to my phone and I want all these negative thoughts to stop. I want to love myself but I feel like I don't. That's why I want sex and to connect with other people but it signifies neediness which repels people away from me. I don't feel happy in my own skin. Sense of lack.. I can't be by myself. Chasing future experiences all the time. Going to go out tonight and hopefully it will be better. I need to probably start journaling my interactions with women as I don't find myself learning that much right now. A part of me just feels so lazy though! I hate socializing so much and talking to people Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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