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One day it will all make sense..


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Welcome to the forum! 💙 

 

Even if it never makes sense, it's not who/what you really are, so its okay. Sometimes trying to make sense out of the senseless, just doesn't make sense. 😊

You're a thought. Do you think a thought is going to occupy 'no thought'.

The 'changeless' can be realized only when the 
ever-changing thought-flow stops.

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10.3.22 – i can't stop hating myself and I don't know why...

 

self hate has spread like wildfire within me

it is so pervasive

you can find it in every thought 

 

it leaves me feeling as if everything is wrong

 

feeling bad, is wrong

feeling good, is wrong 

 

if I am with you, that's wrong

if I am I'm not, that's wrong 

 

all I give myself is rejection 

 

i can't help myself because i am stuck hating myself 

this demon has made me my only friend 

 

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10.15.22

 

you don't think we should talk. 

well, I don't agree but you're gone.

 

it's been months and

I don't even know if you're alive. 

 

what do you think?

how do you feel?

 

did you stop loving me? 

 

I still brag about you to my friends. 

I still think about a life of us together. 

 

I would move to africa to be with you. 

 

it's not only my fault we're not together.

 

I needed more than you would give. 

 

so if that's not you is it right that we're not together? 

how do I let you go? 

 

how would I ever become interested in anyone else? 

 

I feel like you two years ago, 

when you gave up on people. 

 

you took the idea of 'relationship' with you when you left.

 

a friend told me he saw me on a dating app. 

I didn't realize I was on there, 

 

so I downloaded the app to log in and delete it.  

but right before I did, 

I saw a guy who looked just like you. 

 

I messaged him to get closer to you. 

at least he will message me back.

 

do you really want us to end? 

how are you okay with us ending? 

 

i guess my answers are in that question. 

 

you really are gone.

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