A box of chocolate

[WhiteOwl]

"I am sad. I am not feeling so good. I just don't know what i want. Its like i'm not really that interested. Its not that i don't know how this works, its just that i for some reason don't really care to make things happen. Im afraid. Its like its like its like. Im not ready. I havent been feeling good for a long while. People won't understand. If they could only see". 

 

Me me me. Look how much in love i am with this. This is what i love to create. 

[WhiteOwl]

"Im wasting so much time just staring out the air. Watching thoughts. I am behind because of this way of living. Not getting up when alarm rings. Not going to bed same time. I don't have energy to do everything i want. I'm not good at listening. My teacher doesn't like me. He's onto me, that makes me very sad, because i like him. "

 

"where is this going. will i be one of those poor old half assing creative people. Why do i even't want success. I see it. I don't exist like that. Im so much smarter than others. You have no idea about that. How ridiculous. You talk about success and acheiving stuff. YOU DON'T EXIST? HAHAHAH."

[WhiteOwl]

"I am not sure what they think of me. Friends at school. Also not sure i can handle a dinner with She and her friends. Im too much in love with myself"

[WhiteOwl]

"Im afraid to play music in front of people. I don't know if being an artist is for me. I don't feel comfortable with the whole social media race. I' not good at selling myself or posting stuff. I think its a bit fake. I am kind of good though. Talented."

 

"She thinks its uncomfortable being around me. Im so tense. They rather be without me. He doesn't want to cut my hair. He can sense my vibration. He don't want to deal with that."

 

"Im getting closer to something."

[WhiteOwl]

"I want a relationship thats chopping down the ego not boosting it"

[WhiteOwl]

"I am afraid to become dull, boring, lifeless letting go of thoughts and Me"

[Phil]

Better to get stung than live in fear of bees. ♥️

[WhiteOwl]

I remembered a childhood memory from 7th grade i think. I was experimenting with a girl from class with some sexual stuff. I didn't want her to touch my lower part as i was afraid since i didn't grow a lot of hair yet. After the first time it took a while before we tried again. We did and it was the same, i didn't want her to touch me again. I think that disappointed her a lot, that i didn't want more than i did. That made me feel small and wierd. 

[WhiteOwl]

I think i push away parts of myself that seem awkvard or chill, relaxed since it resembles my dad a lot. My mother was always after him for that when they were together. Always putting him down and saying how awkvard he is at things he do. 

[WhiteOwl]

Thoughts if i'm good enough at touching her and being around her or if i i am being awkvard makes me feel insecurity and doubt. 

 

"Am i talking enough. I am air heady. She is faster in thought. I am not fast enough in thought. My spiritual talks makes no sense. I am not good at explaining it. I am empty headed". feeling insecurity, unworthiness. 

 

That looks like too much maybe. Im okay. We had an okay time. All this division

[WhiteOwl]

"I don't want to do the work for my exam"

 

Why not?

 

"It feels uncomfortable and its boring."

 

Why does it feel uncomfortable?

 

"There is resistance. I don't know how to tackle it. It seems like a lot of work. I am not that good at it."

 

Whats the "it"?

 

"The papers are tirering and tough to read. School, making assignments. I've never practiced it much. I would like good grades though. That will make me very happy"