No one can get you

[Mandy]

To start with, there's nothing wrong with this, there's no judgement in this. Everyone who is anyone wants someone to get them, to really see them, to really hear them, to understand them. If I believe that I'm a separate thing, and I believe understanding is "it" and I sense that something is missing, the most logical place to look is in someone else getting me. I know that my own judgements and ideas about myself are flighty and fickle, and that I can't really see myself. So this only makes me feel more insecure, and it seems logical to look in another for my security and value, to look for it in someone who sees my face directly, not just a reflection of it. I know that not everyone will get me, but if I can find ONE PERSON who gets me, I'll be ok. 

 

But because I believe that I'm a separate thing, I can't get anyone else, in that I am too busy thinking about what they are, what I believe they are, what I believe I'm seeing and hearing from them, what I'm expecting or needing from them, what I'm projecting on them, that I don't see or hear them at all. Maybe I haven't even considered the question of whether I really "get" anyone else, or CAN expect myself to get anyone else, because I've been to busy searching for someone just to get me. 

 

So the belief in separate selves is what promises to resolve this longing, this dissatisfaction in interactions and is also the very creation of it. We don't interact or commune because we're at a standoff waiting for other to get us first. 

 

What happens if I meet someone who never took on most of the beliefs others I interact with have, or someone who let go of those beliefs somewhere along the way? What if I come across someone who has no need to be gotten by me? I feel seen and heard in a way I never have. They have insights into my life, my desires and my beliefs that I don't have, that I don't see. There's a sense of shared being and acceptance that was missing with all the people who interacted as distracted self centered selves. This might have even been my own family most of the time. They were too distracted to see me. 

 

Yet this person that I have found, that I might think is conscious, awake, my soulmate, my twin flame, or endless other explanations, doesn't get me at all. The reason they see and hear me like no one else is exactly because I am NOTHING to them, not that they don't love me but that they have no preconceived notions about me and want nothing from me. 

 

What I really want in the desire for someone to get me is to not longer demand that people understand me and for me to finally stop trying to get other people.

 

To a self that has only interacted in a world with other selves that only want from them or disregard them, this attention that wants nothing can seem either like getting what it has always wanted more deeply than anything or it can seem deeply unsettling. Or it can go back and forth. Disappointment is inevitable and freeing. 

 

Again, there's nothing wrong with this, there's no judgement in this.