My poem

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In school, I was asked to create a piece of art based on the theme "Our moments in time".  I decided to make a poem. I wrote this poem based on my experience with enlightenment. My poem won the local competition and the provincial competition. I would love to hear your guys thoughts on my poem.

 

My poem is below (original version) :

 

Enlightened Moments

 

I see one moment in my life with sacredness that is

The present moment which is filled with beauty and blessings.

Each moment passes like a grain of sand through the hourglass.

I hold and savor the beauty of each moment.

My favorite moment of the day is seeing the sunset.

The moments in which we are enlightened are moments of bliss.

The moments in which we are unaware are moments of misery.

 

I find a better version of myself in each moment.

Life is a constant battle to survive each moment.

Life is a constant act of breathing and living each moment.

I seek help from the universe to accomplish my dreams each moment.

Universe fills love in all the moments.

I try to improve and self actualize each moment.

 

All moments are relative to reality.

 Some moments give me feelings of bliss

While other moments give me feelings of misery.

I choose positive moments over negative moments.

 

        Those who cannot find the beauty of each moment have wasted lives

Trying to look for beauty in places where it’s not available.

I will hold on to each moment presently and in the future

And feel the beauty of it.

The universe is an infinite moment in time.

 

I will learn from my mistakes in those moments when I make a mistake.

Our moment in time is the current moment.

No present moment is equivalent to the moment in the past.

No present moment is equivalent to the moment in the future.

 

Each moment in time, the universe expresses itself to me in love.

All the moments in reality are diminished to feelings of joy or suffering.

When each moment goes with misery 

 time is wasted.

When each moment goes with bliss

We use time.

 

Each moment in life is gifted by God

 To test whether the beauty of it can be appreciated.

Good lives are blessed to those who can appreciate the beauty of each moment in time presented by God.

A life full of suffering is for those who cannot appreciate the beauty of each moment in time presented by God.

 

I find the most joy and beauty in the present moment.

In the present moment, I belong to the modern era.

 

Those who seek truth in each moment in their lives are winners.

Those who pursue falsehood in each moment of their lives are losers.

Daily moments are sacred to those who don't take life for granted.

Each minute that passes by in our moment is precious.

In the moments that will occur in the future

Time will fill good peoples’ lives with beauty and joy.

 

 

 

My comments:

My intention was to make a stage turquoise level poem but the school judges interpreted my poem as stage blue as they told me that the tone of my poem was religious and not universal love.

Edited April 14, 2022 by ads
Clarification

[Orb]

👏

[Faith]

First off, bravo. What a wonderful poem! 💗

 

Second, what kind of school teaches Spiral dynamics or judges work on it? I find that so odd. 🤔 

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@Orb Thank you.

@Faith Hi Ananta!

Just to clarify, my school does not teaches spiral dynamics or judges work on it. I myself judged my own work based on my understanding of the spiral dynamics.