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Recent trip - more mess in my head


Rose

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My recent 🍄 trip was difficult, I saw wars and death (I am Ukrainian so my psyche is influenced by it a lot).

 

I understood how the russian soldiers felt, their life is so shitty in the middle of nowhere russia..  in their minds it’s either going to a war and dying/coming back but as a hero, or literally becoming an alcoholic/committing suicide/staying depressed without any accomplishments in life. For many, there seems to be more “life” more “energy” going to war.

 

Same thing with these old grandmas shouting and protesting fur putin.. it’s not the putin they are shouting for.. they miss Soviet Union, when they were young and had their whole life ahead of them.. all that energy is really about wanting a second chance in life..

 

It seems that people often make their choices based off of where they feel there is more life energy.  
 

In the examples above, following this energy becomes futile for those people. Yet because of lack of exposure to other options, it is the only way to “life” in their psyche. 


There is a joke about this “One day Andrew saw teenagers bullying a small boy in a dark alley. To make peace, Andrew decided to perform a beautiful dance in front of them.”

 

If the guiding force in life is following whatever gives you more energy, how do you ensure you don’t get blown up by a mine somewhere in the middle of it?

 

For example, I get a lot of life energy and really excited about taking a sick day of work tomorrow, without actually being sick, because I am exhausted, burnt out, and can’t afford to take time off work. I could use that time to do something I actually enjoy instead of the work I hate and that stresses me out. Maybe that day off could give me time to re-evaluate my life.. it could be life changing.. But something feels “wrong” about doing something like that.. I could potentially lose my job and suffer reputational damage if people find out..

 

But in my head right now.. if I want something to change in my life.. I need that extra time that the day off will give me (or let’s say multiple days off like that). I see life there.. while I feel stuck the way things currently are..

Edited by Rose
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@Rose

What about… uncovering, un-obscuring, unfettering… the awareness which is already aware, of all thoughts & actions said to be efforts to become more aware? 

Much like a 20 story building… as the 20th floor is inspected, seen for what it is, and isn’t, there is no 20th floor in actuality. 19th as well. 18th too. All the way down to an unconditional basement, being a 20 floor building. 

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1 hour ago, Phil said:

@Rose

What about… uncovering, un-obscuring, unfettering… the awareness which is already aware, of all thoughts & actions said to be efforts to become more aware? 

Much like a 20 story building… as the 20th floor is inspected, seen for what it is, and isn’t, there is no 20th floor in actuality. 19th as well. 18th too. All the way down to an unconditional basement, being a 20 floor building. 

You’re saying there is nothing to uncover? It’s all already here? 

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10 hours ago, Phil said:

What floor might that be? 

(That someone is saying there is nothing to uncover… that there’s an it, and a here, and it’s already here?)

I am not sure what you’re referring to 

 

During my last trip I saw awakening as walking into this beautiful crystal palace with people wearing all white. Then I realized it was an illusion, my ego trying to build it up to something wonderful. Then I understood that it is just it, the world as it is, me as it is.

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On 2/16/2024 at 10:13 AM, Rose said:

You’re saying there is nothing to uncover? It’s all already here? 

Yes, there seems to be things, as thoughts appear seemingly claiming there are things, and so there is nothing, not a thing - which is not a thing -  to uncover… of appearing thoughts that there are or that I am, a “thing”.

 

Thoughts are apparent things. What can appear as things is itself, not a thing.  

 

14 hours ago, Rose said:

 

During my last trip I saw awakening as walking into this beautiful crystal palace with people wearing all white. Then I realized it was an illusion, my ego trying to build it up to something wonderful. Then I understood that it is just it, the world as it is, me as it is.

Nothing is stunningly, shockingly, unthinkably, ineffably, non-dualistically & immeasurably beautiful & wonder-full. 

Nothing is pure wonder, unspeakable freedom, veiled only seemingly, and only presently. 

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