Orb Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 ^ How is this done? I have difficulty emotionally connecting with my gf. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 Can you describe the experience a bit? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 9 Author Share Posted January 9 5 minutes ago, Phil said: Can you describe the experience a bit? My gf says that I'm too emotionally independent and she doesn't feel comforted. I throw my hands up and have no fucking clue what to do. She feels like I'm distant. I will admit I put up an emotional barrier when I'm with people friends and family included. Like she feels alone even though I'm with her. I also wouldn't tell her lovey dovey stuff bc I felt like it seemed weak, but she likes it so I like it :). Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 Emotional vulnerability can initially be very paradoxical. It might seem like weakness, but it actually allows deeper connection & builds strength in the relationship. Communication is key to emotional intimacy & stability in relationships. Have you shared with her a little background as to why the walls come up sometimes? To whatever extent you’re comfortable sharing, that in & of itself is less distancing and more connective. It shows her you’re aware of ‘the walls’ and also want deeper connection. You might also look for opportunities for light & easy selfless gestures of affection. When she shares an experience with you, something as simple as asking her how she felt about it, actively listening and allowing pause after she’s finished in case more arises she wants to express, can go a long way. She’s likely to feel more comforted simply in being heard. Empathy is key as well. If a similar experience & how you felt about it arises, share that with her too. Emotional independence typically refers to one allowing and feeling emotions fully, and therein not needing much if any validation or support. While emotional independence and emotional intimacy might seem like opposites, ime they’re more like ends of a colorful spectrum. Too much comforting & your partner isn’t feeling as deeply inward & strengthening communion. To little comforting and it may seem as if you’re not emotionally available. It’s experiential, not right or wrong, and a lot of trial and error. The longer a couple is together, and the more mindful they are of this ‘spectrum’, the deeper, richer and more rewarding the relationship is for each. In terms of the simplest of the simplest, what is something about her that you notice and like or love, but haven’t mentioned? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 9 Author Share Posted January 9 20 minutes ago, Phil said: Emotional vulnerability can initially be very paradoxical. It might seem like weakness, but it actually allows deeper connection & builds strength in the relationship. Communication is key to emotional intimacy & stability in relationships. Have you shared with her a little background as to why the walls come up sometimes? To whatever extent you’re comfortable sharing, that in & of itself is less distancing and more connective. It shows her you’re aware of ‘the walls’ and also want deeper connection. You might also look for opportunities for light & easy selfless gestures of affection. When she shares an experience with you, something as simple as asking her how she felt about it, actively listening and allowing pause after she’s finished in case more arises she wants to express, can go a long way. She’s likely to feel more comforted simply in being heard. Empathy is key as well. If a similar experience & how you felt about it arises, share that with her too. Emotional independence typically refers to one allowing and feeling emotions fully, and therein not needing much if any validation or support. While emotional independence and emotional intimacy might seem like opposites, ime they’re more like ends of a colorful spectrum. Too much comforting & your partner isn’t feeling as deeply inward & strengthening communion. To little comforting and it may seem as if you’re not emotionally available. It’s experiential, not right or wrong, and a lot of trial and error. The longer a couple is together, and the more mindful they are of this ‘spectrum’, the deeper, richer and more rewarding the relationship is for each. In terms of the simplest of the simplest, what is something about her that you notice and like or love, but haven’t mentioned? This is good man! I tried doing it myself but I should've asked for help here earlier 😅 Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 17 hours ago, Orb said: This is good man! I tried doing it myself but I should've asked for help here earlier 😅 I certainly appreciate help as well. Also, an insight hangs in the valance in terms of goodness / the true nature of reality right down to the very manifestation of thought. When a discordant self referential thought is let go, or, ‘taking pause’, a more aligned insightful thought can and does arise. It’s the same with relationships, hence ‘the power of the pillow’ ♥️. Meditative communion communication for anyone willing. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted January 10 Author Share Posted January 10 2 hours ago, Phil said: Meditative communion communication for anyone willing. We are actually doing this soon but with a Bible instead of a pillow 🥰 Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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