Is it my anxious attachment or is it him

[Rose]

I recently started a new relationship, which is long distance. We met in Europe 2.5 months ago, went on dates and have been talking since then. We also spent 9 days together a week ago.

 

He has a busy work schedule because he is a surgeon, so I understand if he doesn’t have a lot of time. However, for the last week after we’ve been together, he hasn’t been texting much, and never called (we used to talk on the phone every night before that). Today he didn’t text all day up until 11:50 at night for him. 

My anxiety is going off the roof right now, because of this strong decrease in the frequency of our conversations. Yesterday he did say we will talk today, but since he didn’t msg all day, until 11:50, I didn’t even want to respond at that point. 
 

Is there a point in continuing this relationship for me if I already feel so bad in it? I don’t mind having a conversation with him, but I don’t even know how to talk about how I feel/if he has time to hear it since he is usually super tired after work. Plus I feel me not responding to him tonight is going to get him really mad tomorrow (because I cause drama) 

 

Edited November 5, 2023 by Rose

[Phil]

Maybe it’s neither (my anxious attachment or him). If I’m not mistaken, you wanted someone from far away who would share & balance financial responsibility. It sounds like you’ve attracted exactly that. In terms of his attracting, he might not be naturally drawn to being a health/care-provider when off the clock. I’d consider distinctions between my anxious attachment / my anxiety, and My Guidance, to continue on with this momentum, trusting in Ourself more deeply & attracting with even more specificity, feeling into & witnessing the synchronicity, the perfect harmony of co-creation, even more. 

 

Sometimes impatience felt but overlooked is an invitation to presence, wonder and reveling in the eternal truth and magic of the ‘situation’. This could be said to be trusting the creation process, by trusting in the source more fully & completely. A specific insight might be, ‘how could I be in something, which I’m aware of?’

[Rose]

On 11/5/2023 at 9:01 AM, Phil said:

 

Maybe it’s neither (my anxious attachment or him). If I’m not mistaken, you wanted someone from far away who would share & balance financial responsibility. It sounds like you’ve attracted exactly that. In terms of his attracting, he might not be naturally drawn to being a health/care-provider when off the clock. I’d consider distinctions between my anxious attachment / my anxiety, and My Guidance, to continue on with this momentum, trusting in Ourself more deeply & attracting with even more specificity, feeling into & witnessing the synchronicity, the perfect harmony of co-creation, even more. 

 

Sometimes impatience felt but overlooked is an invitation to presence, wonder and reveling in the eternal truth and magic of the ‘situation’.

 

Thank you Phil, this is beautiful and really helped me ❤️

 

On 11/5/2023 at 9:01 AM, Phil said:

A specific insight might be, ‘how could I be in something, which I’m aware of?’

Do you mean since I already am aware that I am getting anxious, so I can choose not to be it? 

[Phil]

@Rose

🙏🏼 

Yes, more or less. Technically for you to be aware that you’re getting anxious would require two of you. One aware the other is getting anxious. But not so much that you could choose to be or not to be, but that there’s one of you and an emotion is felt because you’re being. 

[Reborn]

Don't try to punish him for your unrealistic expectations. You want a relatively high earning/high status man who's also eager to respond to you anytime you want and be available to you? You can only pick one of those. Otherwise you should just go get yourself some regular chump who'll never pay for your dinner date (since that's what you supposedly value).

 

Being a surgeon is not a joke, it's extremely stressfull, especially when there's someone else's life on the line. There's also no shortage of work I can imagine. Hospital workers are those type of people that are better off dating their coworkers, in my opinion.