Does a person need hard times for great growth

[Devin]

          Hard times come in many forms from childhood trauma to losing a parent as an adolescent or young adult, injury, all sorts of loss, there's a kind of growth a person can have with hard times like those, can someone attain that same kind of growth without a hard struggle in life?

 

             Something that I valued in my girlfriend was that strength you can build through tough times, along with it feeling like she could better understand me than most people because of what I've been through.

 

         I think I can identify people that have been through and made it out the otherside of traumatic experiences, and one's that haven't seem softer, they give up or give in easier, they're more passive in life while survivors may get depressed sometimes they'll also take on the hard fights in life like they just accept them as a part of life.

 

       Can people attain this storm weathering ability without hard times? Do some people? If so how? It seems sort of like the old adage steel or the sword is made in the fire.

Edited August 24, 2023 by Devin

[Phil]

It seems the mind via self inquiry and life as well via challenges tends uncover what one is really made of. The great strength within we might say. Not sure I’d go so far as hard times are needed. Get’s a bit loopy as in, needed for who, and that can go on for quite a while but all roads lead to what one is made of so to speak.  

 

[Orb]

@Devin there isn't an inside or outside, so the apparent external challenges are reflections of the apparent internal un-fettering. 

[Devin]

Yeah I guess I should have specified I'm speaking in generalities.

 

A rephrase; "have you met many people with that life grit that didn't go through hard times?"

 

Like I suppose med school and starting in medicine is usually a hard time, but it's chosen so we view it different, like they sort of chose it, and can always bail anytime although with consequence. It seems very different than a child scared for their life, or getting over abandonment by a parent.

 

Can we choose hard things to do that will help develop that grit? If so like what?

Edited August 24, 2023 by Devin

[Phil]

It’s tricky because it’s all so relative. ‘My hard times’ are formidable to some and a joke to others. Does grit come from rising above hardships seems equally as relative. 

[Devin]

2 minutes ago, Phil said:

It’s tricky because it’s all so relative. ‘My hard times’ are formidable to some and a joke to others. Does grit come from rising above hardships seems equally as relative. 

Hmm, it seems almost cleanly categorical to me. Like some people you just know will always get back up, and others seem like they better hope nothing serious happens because they'll always live hunched over beat down the rest of their life.

[Devin]

 I don't mean hard times equals grit, what I mean is coming out the otherside equals grit. Like the first time you do anything you're unsure you can do it, but when you've done something similar before, you already have a feeling of confidence you can do it.

[Devin]

Some people scare me because I don't feel they'll try to face a hard time.

 

I think I'm getting really into the weeds with hypotheticals, I think about some rare possibilities, it's a fear thing, or like a control thing in me.

Edited August 24, 2023 by Devin

[Phil]

41 minutes ago, Devin said:

it's a fear thing, or like a control thing.

That’s very insightful imo.

 

If there’s no facade of control in the interpretation (thoughts / imagining) of a potential actuality there is likely no fear. If there is a tightly held believed facade of control there is likely much fear. 

 

Fear as emotional guidance for thoughts / interpretation / perspectives really shines here as to wether or not the fear is projected to a future via being believed to be potentially indicative of the yet-to-be-experienced experience vs how the interpretation feels (now). 

 

Another way to say that more simply maybe is fear is of the unknown, which is based on the assumption of known - and the guidance always tells us so. It can not be otherwise.

 

What has a man which knows nothing & maintains no illusion of control to fear?

 

More so even, this is how awakening makes sense of everything in one fell swoop. 

[Devin]

33 minutes ago, Phil said:

That’s very insightful imo.

 

If there’s no facade of control in the interpretation (thoughts / imagining) of a potential actuality there is likely no fear. If there is a tightly held believed facade of control there is likely much fear. 

 

Fear as emotional guidance for thoughts / interpretation / perspectives really shines here as to wether or not the fear is projected to a future via being believed to be potentially indicative of the yet-to-be-experienced experience vs how the interpretation feels (now). 

 

Another way to say that more simply maybe is fear is of the unknown, which is based on the assumption of known - and the guidance always tells us so. It can not be otherwise.

 

More so even, this is how awakening makes sense of everything in one fell swoop. 

Thank you

 

33 minutes ago, Phil said:

 

What has a man which knows nothing & maintains no illusion of control to fear?

 

Peace

[Phil]

On 8/24/2023 at 3:15 PM, Devin said:

Peace

Maybe, but honestly peace seems to be a lot like patience & understanding. I keep hearing about them yet never actually experience em. 

[Devin]

14 minutes ago, Phil said:

Maybe, but honestly peace seems to be a lot like patience & understanding. I keep hearing about them yet never actually experience em. 

They're different in my lingua franca, peace is that feeling you get when there are no thoughts, patience and understanding are thought based to me.

 

What would you say the man has then?

Edited August 26, 2023 by Devin

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Devin said:

What would you say the man has then?

No experience of fear. 

[Devin]

Learned a new one.

 

The Adversity Quotient (AQ): The measure of your ability to go through a rough patch in life, and come out of it without losing your mind.

When faced with troubles, AQ determines who will give up, who will abandon their family, and who will consider suicide.

Parents please expose your children to other areas of life than just Academics. They should adore manual labour (never use work as a form of punishment), Sports and Arts.

 

 

"According to Psychologists, there are four types of Intelligence: 

1) Intelligence Quotient (IQ)
2) Emotional Quotient (EQ)
3) Social Quotient (SQ)
4) Adversity Quotient (AQ)

1. Intelligence Quotient (IQ): this is the measure of your level of comprehension. You need IQ to solve maths, memorize things, and recall lessons.

2. Emotional Quotient (EQ): this is the measure of your ability to maintain peace with others, keep to time, be responsible, be honest, respect boundaries, be humble, genuine and considerate.

3. Social Quotient (SQ): this is the measure of your ability to build a network of friends and maintain it over a long period of time.

People that have higher EQ and SQ tend to go further in life than those with a high IQ but low EQ and SQ. Most schools capitalize on improving IQ levels while EQ and SQ are played down.

A man of high IQ can end up being employed by a man of high EQ and SQ even though he has an average IQ.

Your EQ represents your Character, while your SQ represents your Charisma. Give in to habits that will improve these three Qs, especially your EQ and SQ.

Now there is a 4th one, a new paradigm:

4. The Adversity Quotient (AQ): The measure of your ability to go through a rough patch in life, and come out of it without losing your mind.

When faced with troubles, AQ determines who will give up, who will abandon their family, and who will consider suicide.

Parents please expose your children to other areas of life than just Academics. They should adore manual labour (never use work as a form of punishment), Sports and Arts.

Develop their IQ, as well as their EQ, SQ and AQ. They should become multifaceted human beings able to do things independently of their parents.

Finally, do not prepare the road for your children. Prepare your children for the road."

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