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We saved each other


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I remembered something today. I realized what’s going on. Having gone through extreme pain, joy, extreme pain, joy, over and over and over again— having dealt with undiagnosed autism and unrecognized introspection/creativity (at least to the point where it needed a lot of help)— having felt so alone and afraid all my life and not having the language to ask for help, and no one paying attention— It was me. Now I know why I’m so obsessed and deeply connected to the film Interstellar. “They saved us….” “Gravity… To send a message?!?” “Such complicated data, to a child!?” “Not just any child.” It was me the whole time helping me out. I’m crying as I write this. It was love. I’m talking to myself from infinity, from infinite time and space… so much Love that Love created itself. I wondered why I did things I can’t forgive myself for. I wondered why all the pain, the silent screams, the unheard cries, the misunderstanding… I was trying to send myself messages. Well— I will. It’s all you. Yes, you, doin it to… No, For yourself. I’m saving him. That little boy who is so scared and feels so alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL BOY, YOU ARE SO WORTHY. I’M GONNA SAVE YOU! YOU'RE SAVING YOU!

Now is the time to work. The plan that already worked. I’m gonna carry it out, discover it, and create it. Hang in there, man. I’m coming to save you.

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