Afraid of guiding meditation

[Yungshinzy]

I‘ve done a few guided meditations over the phone and increasingly noticed there is a resistance to do so. What I do is basically explain and show the illusory nature of thoughts: at first glance a stable image, but by focusing on the thought it morphs and vanishes. This helps to set the priority on the sensory input in the now and to let go of thoughts. Then I start from outside (thought of the universe) and move towards the body (planet earth, country, neighbourhood, room and body parts) and let go of all the thoughts. Since the eyes are closed there is no direct experience of these.

Same goes for letting go of the past and future, until there’s only this direct experience right now.

 

On the one hand, getting there feels good and full, but there’s also anxiety, a low vibe and resistance on my and the other side involved. Mostly I’d say I’m afraid to do this "work" and I‘m slowly noticing the pattern which ignores this fear. Any ideas on why that could be the case?

[Phil]

If you & a friend go see an illusionist’s performance in which a box with a woman in it is cut in half, and you’ve seen it before but your friend hasn’t… your experience will be of a performance, but your friend’s experience will be of an illusion.  All thought is apparent, but not all thought is illusory. The illusion requires believing the thoughts, without which there is just a performance. But some performances are so well practiced, that it is a performance - is missed even by the illusionist. 

 

[Phil]

That makin any sense?