ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 If your stomach does not turn when thinking of being tied down and forced to watch your loved one being tortured, raped and murdered... You kinda psycho. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 To me it seems those are completely reasonable fears. Let them be. It's not as if you you can put an end to this. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 Try to stop yourself, completely. I double dare you. There is no stopping. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 Ugly thoughts can feel ugly. But not necessarily. Point is, I have no idea what happen while you were away, I can only speculate, fantasise. But the moment you'd start sharing the details, is the moment I'd try to jump out of my skin. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 I am far more cool with not knowing, than knowing and being slayed by it. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 Maybe I should go with "I don't want to know". It smells a bit wussy, but maybe it could be a good thing, for the both of us. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 If we end up talking at all, that is. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 On the phone you mentioned having a possibility of moving into an apartment on Monday. I don't know how serious you were about that, but it's very close and scary. I am working non stop. Would you really take off without saying anything again? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 If so, I guess I'll live. It's still a better end to the story than what it was a few days ago. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 But who knows. We could also find common ground somehow. Get back together, even. Anything can happen. Uncertainty can be maddening. And if I did not respect your space and request not to be bothered... I'd reach out and try to reach certanty. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 Maybe we share a few words in the morning before I go to work. Or at least see each other, smile or something. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 I really want to run into your arms, but this fear stops me from knowing that it's what I want. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 6 Author Share Posted July 6 I must let it go for now. No other way. I simply don't know anything about us now. What I know is that I need care and rest. Tomorrow I have to repeat this madness at work. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 7 Author Share Posted July 7 No talking this morning either. Started the day in tears, but I'm ok now. Getting ready for another 11 hours of work. I guess tomorrow is our last chance. If you leave without a word, I will close the door forever and start planning my departure. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 7 Author Share Posted July 7 Unbind these hands I was stronger, stronger then A time when we all fought like there was no light Fought like our very flesh and bone could never falter Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 7 Author Share Posted July 7 Let them shout I am free as any man A moment worth a world I will not run, you hear me? Let them fly I am free as any man Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 7 Author Share Posted July 7 Feel that rain As we elevate, wash it away Never turn tail Feel that rain Even gods were made with feet of clay Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 7 Author Share Posted July 7 Big progress. We texted today while I was working and agreed to talk tomorrow morning. It does not necessarily mean we are getting back together, but at least we will get the chance to speak our minds and hearts. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 7 Author Share Posted July 7 I must put myself aside completely tomorrow when we talk. It's all about her and what she feels. My fears and worries don't matter. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 7 Author Share Posted July 7 I can easily slip into a loop of justifying and clarifying everything. Oh yes. It's me. I must not philosophize. I should also be less poetic, no matter how beautiful it sounds. I should just hold space for her and hear her out, when it is clear that she is hurting bad and I can totally be a jerk sometimes. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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