ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 I will jerk off here with my guitar and my lap top and finish my shit. And you can have the summer you wanted. Full of partying and fucking around. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 May you find everything that you seek. May you feel free from this burden. I'll get there soon, too. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 The saddest and the funniest thing is, that we were such a good and such a bad match simultaneously, that it's going to be super easy to replace each other and find a much more suitable match. And it's also going to be impossible. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 I understand you felt suffocated and isolated here, in the middle of the nowhere. But that's not my fault. It's because of who you are. Â And who you are, is not supposed to be here, doing this. I understand that. That's why it was clear to me all along that we are fooling each other. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 I wasn't completely honest myself, no, not all the time. But I think you were far more deceitful. With yourself and with me. Call in a hunch. Â If I am to be blamed for everything that was wrong and twisted, so be it. I am fine with it. And if you really need this and you believe it will do you good... Â Godspeed, my love. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 I think I should still keep watering the garden, even if on my own. It's not like I really care, I'll be gone soon anyways, and the plants will die.  But I'll do it just for the sake of the whole chopping wood and carrying water thing. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 I am strong and I am equipped to deal with this an all... But make no mistakes, this is a big loss. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 She was not only my lover, she was also my only friend, in this dark phase that I'm was going through. Â The pain cannot be put into words. But so far, I'm not going there. I know it's not good for me. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 I'll try my best not to completely disassociate or shut down, but also not to grieve so hard that I cannot breathe. Â I must keep my head above the surface, to the best of my abilities. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 I don't want to be too insensitive and sign all this off as nothing important... But I also don't want to be too sensitive and heart broken, and give it way more meaning than I should. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 Reason. I must maintain reason. Â It's completely reasonable that she had enough and left And it's completely reasonable that I both want her back and not. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 I all makes perfect sense. It's all exactly as it should be. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 It's all good. I got this. I can do this. Â My pay check is 12 days away. I want to finish my EP by that time. From there, I will see if I really should leave right away, or wait a bit longer. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 The night is slowly coming. So far so good. I don't feel terrible. I am ok. Hopefully it doesn't get any worse. I burned enough. I need a break from the fire. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 The only thought that's bugging me really, is that I know that I'm here alone, enduring the struggle, with no one to turn to. And you are with your cokehead girlfriend, that you also secretly want to fuck, getting drunk and doing drugs, talking shit about your lame exes. Â I am proud and I will say it. This is how real love looks like after a break up. And it looks exactly not like what you're doing. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 I have zero appetite. Negative, even. Â I barely ate anything all day. But I really should cook something. I can't afford to fuck myself up too much over this. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 The garden is watered. I wasn't even too heart broken over doing it on my own. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 There is much to love and miss about you. I don't dare to go there yet. It would hurt too much. Â I want to stay here. I feel for us both, I understand us both, and I know it had to happen the way it did. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 I don't blame you for not wanting to be with me. I know I am not exactly suitable for a healthy relationship as of now. I need to sort myself out. But you are far from being ready, either. You have so much more left to learn and improve. You need to heal before you're ready, too. Â It's kind of unfortunate. Because there undeniably was a spark. But what can you do. Sometimes it's just not meant to be fair. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted July 3 Author Share Posted July 3 Have fun tonight, my love. Tonight is your night. Tonight you shine. Don't let me or anyone else hold you back ever again. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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