Parallel cyring2 ensemble

[crying2]

Whats good to me, myself, my thoughts and all other blessed beings in presence here.

 

Using this as a check-in place. Have been suffering with some form of sexual compulsions for past few years. Porn, masturbation, sex. Its killing me. Not physically, but killing my essence. Who I was, am and meant to be. I am not connected to the rest of society. I am contributing, feeling inspired, doing hobbies.

 

I'm on my knees Mother. Loneliness is the warmest colour. Its what I know and its comfortable. Hard to change and go into the unknown. Shake off my personas and identities. Slowly reading through the Gita and it's hitting deep at times.

 

Anyway, today is the first day of Ramadan and hope to utilise this month as a detox and progression on the path. I need to realise I'm not giving up anything, but self control is actually GIVING me things. The Terrence Higgins trust has so kingly blessed me with 12 sexual therapy counselling sesisons. I am on session 6 tonight. I need to utilise these and do it proud. So grateful for it, and my counsellor is amazing. Feel its synchroncity how much of similar things he knowledgeable about and a very spiritual/esoteric man.

 

-crying2

[crying2]

Withdrawal? Sexual withdrawal? Damn its hard while also fasting during ramadan. Need some dopamine!!! Also, why do i keep telling my stories I can have a little taste from the well and it'll be different this time? Never really works out ahah