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Noticing separation of mind and how it effects life


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Separation of mind or disassociation can happen regardless if you are being conscious or not.

I notice that if i let go any idea or belief about myself, after couple of minutes, i get this feeling of my separate self moving on its own and feeling as a whole human being living in a alive world, and i feel more grounded on my physical body and connected to other people. Also, my voice is neither wrapped in robotic sounds nor wrapped into a mellow(feeling sound). Its much more natural so to say. Its a good spot to be but its hard to maintain. 

If i get trigger the separate self immediately separates into smaller parts and then start solving the situation from the smaller parts. I am still conscious of course - the amount that i can be which in both cases of feeling as a whole seperete self or a smaller separate self is the same. To better describe this feeling is like focus is more in my head versus the other which i feel my focus is resting and myself is moving by itself. In the case of getting triggered,  i would start to compensate (but now in a conscious way :d), seek for help, try hard to control

the situation or want to get overly attached emotionally. 


How it happens that i get trigger: someone says you are bullshit. Now the word bullshit triggers a part of me which i dont believe in but still runs and my conscious runs on it so to say. I get like frozen on a part for couple of minutes. My focus shifts from being around my self to a smaller part and it computes the things inside it. Why i mention this is because the conscious is still on but doesnt help anything - is indifferent  to the separate self. This change makes me look wierd in other people and also my goals changes pretty quick. 

I believe i will figure it out - just sharing to past time. 

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