Around the fire 🔥

[Inno]

I've decided to finally create a public journal. A lot of mixed feelings about it. Nevertheless, the purpose of it is to mainly try and utilize the emotional scale. I say try, because I had been introduced to it around 2 years ago, used it a couple of times and didn't get the result I was expecting. From there on the belief that I can't express emotion and don't know how to use it came about.

Why around the fire? Well, once while journaling I imagined a dark night with a campfire. Different parts of me were sitting around the fire, welcomed and part of the group. There were noises in the dark, like wild animals passing by, outside of the light from the fire. I kind of imagine repression the same way. Scared, fearful, angry parts that do not feel like part of the party. And once welcomed, they are not that scary noise in the dark, danger is not projected upon them anymore. We seem them as they are.  Seemed like a good analogy.

[Inno]

"I am not sure whether I should write what I think first, and then try to calibrate as to the emotion felt, or just state which emotion is being felt" ~ Insecurity 

"Does every thought resonate at a certain emotional frequency?" ~ Insecurity 

"I've used the scale a few times and I felt better, but I don't know how it works and whether it's a long term solution" ~ Worry, Doubt, Insecurity

"Worry, Doubt and Insecurity are worlds away on the scale. Is it possible to feel all 3 related to a thought or perspective?" ~ Insecurity

"I think I'm conceptualizing everything" ~ Despair, Fear, Insecurity, Guilt 

"Does it have to be linear? Does expression follow the structure of the scale?" ~ Doubt 

"It's just someone's idea for fucks sake. You can't fit your whole emotional world in a freaking scale and expect the world to move around it" ~ Anger 

"Why should I use it?" ~ Anger 

"Everything that follows a certain structure feels imposed on me, as in I have to follow something/someone else's will" ~ ...

"I have to dress up and go to work. How to keep up with all this stuff when I have to work and perform?" ~ Discouragement, Worry, Insecurity 

"This seems robotic. Can't I just freely write and express what I think?" 

 

[Inno]

"There is no self/separate self" ~ Insecurity, Fear

 

There seem to be such claims, that don't resonate. I see such terms used all over and they are met with Fear, Insecurity. 

 

Would that mean there is something else related, that is not expressed? What does "There is no self" mean? What is the implication of such claim?

 

It seems like every thought/perspective is inherently meaningful, as in meaning is not something seperate.

"There is no meaning" therefore can't be true, as the very same thought implies the meaning. Thought is inherently meaningful. 

What if there is a self? What would that mean? What would change then?

"There is no self" vs. "There is a self"

If there is a self, that would mean that there is other than self too. Seperate self. Seperate from what? Seperate from the world? From Reality? 

 

All subjects therefore would be the implication of the seperate self.  As in subject is different or separate from object. 

 

Awareness aware of ________.  Would that imply that Awareness is the subject? 

 

This does not seem to confirm or deny the initial statement. How to go about it? If there is a self, then there would be Awareness, aware of the self, and the self itself. 

 

Other than Awareness would mean separate from Awareness. 

This is going nowhere. 

What would be an example of a separate self? 

 

"I am doing this" "I am doing that" "I'm aware of this" "I can do this" "I can't do this" "I know this" "I know that" 

 

The implication of the above is that there is a self doing X, a self aware of Y, a self that can/can't, a self that knows. 

 

It would essentialy refer to the "I". How is that I related to Awareness? There is no need for I, for Awareness to be. The I or seperate self is only present when thoughts about it appear.  Ahh, this is more dificult than I expected. I need a break. 

[Phil]

On 9/5/2023 at 2:14 AM, Inno said:

didn't get the result I was expecting

If you finish the scale you always get the result desired, which is feeling better, which is really just being you. 🤍

2 hours ago, Inno said:

The I or seperate self is only present when thoughts about it appear.

🎯 Seems to be present. 

 

[Inno]

"How do you feel?"  - Probably one of the hardest questions to answer. During therapy it was the same, I still had difficulties answering the question. 

I can't give an exact answer. I just... don't know. I can't tell. Or even if I say something, it barely changes anything. 

Aren't you thinking a few steps in advance? Acknowledging how you feel is not about changing anything. 

 

"Even if I say how I feel, this does not change a thing" - Why would you want to change it? 
"Because I don't like how I feel. And I don't want to feel this way."

 

Alright, but the question was "How do you feel?", why do we have to go in the direction "there is no point in telling/expressing how I feel, because i doesn't change it"?

 

Emotional Intelligence. Maybe it's just that, being able to distinguish what is happening on the inside and what emotions are being felt. 

 

Now that's some interesting correlations. It seems that asking "How do you/I feel?" triggers a bunch of other statements and conclusions, without even noticing. 
Even further, Guilt, Insecurity, Shame are being felt, when an answer to the question is not given.

 

"I don't know how I feel, therefore I can't do anything to feel better" ~ Insecurity, Guilt, Powerlessness

 

"I am supposed to know how to feel better" ~ Guilt 

"But I don't" ~ Guilt, Fear, Insecurity 

 

"If I don't feel good/better, I can't do anything in Life" 
"If I am always depressed, insecure, people won't like me & won't want to be around me. Or they would do so out of pity" ~ Unworthiness, Insecurity

"I am depressed. I am insecure." - Is this really true? 

 

"I am insecure. Am I insecure all the time, always?" 

"I don't feel insecurty now. So does it mean that I change? OR just that I can't be anything, let alone insecure. It's an emotion felt."

Depression would be more like a label. For emotions experienced in the grey/black bars. And thoughts believed. 

[Inno]

Quote

If you finish the scale you always get the result desired, which is feeling better, which is really just being you. 🤍

@Phil It seems like it would take forever to finish the scale. I barely move 3-4 bars on it for 30 minutes. 

It also is quite draining thb, like it requires quite a bit of concentration to do this work. 

Out of curiousity, how long did you spend with the scale initially when you started this type of practice? Let alone finish it? 

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Inno said:

@Phil It seems like it would take forever to finish the scale. I barely move 3-4 bars on it for 30 minutes. 

It also is quite draining thb, like it requires quite a bit of concentration to do this work. 

Out of curiousity, how long did you spend with the scale initially when you started this type of practice? Let alone finish it? 

It’s already ‘working’. How long it takes and how effective it is has everything to do with the approach / the framing / what the tool is for. Emotion is how thoughts feel, and is not about how the separate self of thoughts feels. 

 

HOW TO USE THE SCALE

Choose the emotion on the scale which is experienced.

Express simply & earnestly that the emotion is experienced.

Then do the same with the next higher emotion on the scale.

Express each emotion without skipping over any, to the top of the scale.

Feel for the subtle shift of feeling better with the expression of each emotion.

 

Emotion is guidance… to the experiencing of… what is wanted.
Expression of emotions experienced is not ‘about myself’.
It’s just about the expressing.
Keep it simple.
🤍

 

 

1 hour ago, Inno said:

"How do you feel?"  - Probably one of the hardest questions to answer. During therapy it was the same, I still had difficulties answering the question. 

I can't give an exact answer. I just... don't know. I can't tell. Or even if I say something, it barely changes anything. 

How you feel is actually simply said, but initially counterintuitive to arrive at. The simple part is it’s the top line of the scale. The ‘trickier’ part is everything below that line is how thoughts feel. So scale wise, trying to answer ‘how do you feel’ is a bypassing of or skipping over of the entire scale / tool. 

1 hour ago, Inno said:

Aren't you thinking a few steps in advance? Acknowledging how you feel is not about changing anything. 

Hopefully not taken as critical, more helpful / insightful… it’s about how the right-now-thought feels, not a thinker thinking in advance. That’s the separate self of thought. The scale is about how thoughts feel right now, and not about how the separate self of thoughts feels or about how a future might feel. 

 

The scale is however very much about change. The whole point of getting the kinks out of the gas line is allowing the gas into the engine. The whole point of that is where you’re going, not the truck, engine or gas. 

 

1 hour ago, Inno said:

 

"Even if I say how I feel, this does not change a thing" - Why would you want to change it? 
"Because I don't like how I feel. And I don't want to feel this way."

 

Alright, but the question was "How do you feel?", why do we have to go in the direction "there is no point in telling/expressing how I feel, because i doesn't change it"?

 

Emotional Intelligence. Maybe it's just that, being able to distinguish what is happening on the inside and what emotions are being felt. 

 

Now that's some interesting correlations. It seems that asking "How do you/I feel?" triggers a bunch of other statements and conclusions, without even noticing. 
Even further, Guilt, Insecurity, Shame are being felt, when an answer to the question is not given.

Yes. ‘Triggers’ all kind of beliefs including self referential beliefs. Bringing the discord and emotions felt into the light is bring the thoughts about a sep self into the light. 

Shame is not en emotion on the scale. 

 

1 hour ago, Inno said:

 

"I don't know how I feel, therefore I can't do anything to feel better" ~ Insecurity, Guilt, Powerlessness

 

"I am supposed to know how to feel better" ~ Guilt 

"But I don't" ~ Guilt, Fear, Insecurity 

 

"If I don't feel good/better, I can't do anything in Life" 
"If I am always depressed, insecure, people won't like me & won't want to be around me. Or they would do so out of pity" ~ Unworthiness, Insecurity

"I am depressed. I am insecure." - Is this really true? 

 

"I am insecure. Am I insecure all the time, always?" 

"I don't feel insecurty now. So does it mean that I change? OR just that I can't be anything, let alone insecure. It's an emotion felt."

Depression would be more like a label. For emotions experienced in the grey/black bars. And thoughts believed. 

The line in bold is ample. That’s it. That’s the recognition / acknowledgement of how that thought feels. The rest isn’t needed. Just move on from there by expressing the next emotion on the scale. Keep in mind it’s about what’s wanted, and how thoughts feel. It’s not about concepts about a separate self like shame and depression. 

 

How long it takes has a lot to do with how it’s used. Make it simple. Front side of the dreamboard is for what’s wanted. Backside is for writing thoughts, as it’s incredibly easier to see self referential thoughts visually ‘in front of you’, than ‘in your head’. 

 

How long it takes is a thought, and there’s an emotion corresponding. It’s not about getting to something, such as feeling being in a future. It’s like riding a bike. After a while the body mind just does alignment automatically, inherently. Just like if you ride a bike after some practice, thoughts about pedaling or steering or balancing don’t even arise. Just thoughts about where you’re going. 

 

How change works / happens:

Emphasis on the lens-sphere and wanted vs belief, and the alignment (gas) therein. 

[Inno]

@Phil If the majority of emotions experienced is within the black/grey end of the emotional scale, does that mean that it is the case because the higher emotion/s are not acknowledged (jealousy, hate/rage) or because the emotion experienced is not expressed? 

[Phil]

9 hours ago, Inno said:

@Phil If the majority of emotions experienced is within the black/grey end of the emotional scale, does that mean that it is the case because the higher emotion/s are not acknowledged (jealousy, hate/rage) or because the emotion experienced is not expressed? 

Great question. Emotions are felt, meaning is a hindsight thought, not an actual experience of a thing called meaning per se. So in one broad stroke, what you’re ‘bumping into’ is thinking vs allowing feeling / emotion to be felt vs thought about. 

 

It’s the thought that there is meaning, and that thought always contains a false aspect of ‘me’, ‘in a past’ or ‘in a future’. What’s truly being expressed is ‘if the majority of emotions experienced over time’. Truly, presence is what’s desired, not a past or future, and presence is as wonderful feeling as it is most pleasantly meaningless. Be precise with respect to what you’re after here; feeling amazing via unfettering yourself, or, meaning. 

 

It’s like being on a roadtrip and pulling over and thinking about roadtrips and what they mean, as opposed to continuing along to where you want to be while enjoying the roadtrip, and loving that the roadtrip is becoming the destination. It’s all ‘the journey’, as it’s all only and ever - now. 

 

Acknowledging there is no experience of ‘the majority of emotions’ is key because what remains is the acknowledgment of whatever emotion is experienced, now. In this way, in the recognition of the activity of thinking about emotions or the emotional scale, the emotion experienced now is uncovered. 

 

Is the specific emotion in the black & grey which is felt, acknowledged? 

 

Is it truly allowed to be felt fully?

 

You’ll know when it is not by meaning, but by the unmistakeable release of the discord, stress, tension and concern. Upon that release there won’t be reluctance to express jealousy. The reluctance is ego and can be noted rightfully as such. Resistance is on behalf of the separate self of thinking and meaning. There is no finite self in time, thus there is actually no one to which ‘the majority of emotions experienced’ happened to or is happening to. 

 

Notice you are aware of time, thus you can not possibly be in time. 

 

notice you are aware of meaning, thus you are prior to that which is experience (meaning). In exactly the same way, with respect to unfettering yourself - you will not be found in meaning. 

 

‘Moving up the scale’ is not a doing and does not require any thinking. It’s an acknowledging, and therein a releasing, and therein an unfettering. Allowing the cork to float by uncovering it. One need not ‘do’ the buoyancy aspect - that is the nature of our being, creating. There is only to remove the obstacles by shining the light of yourself on them, ‘getting out of one’s own way’ by acknowledging, expressing, and thus releasing & unfettering the light.

 

I would re-approach the scale differently. Rather than applying an ‘if’ statement and looking for meaning, start with a straightforward, simple, clear, decisive and robust acknowledgment of what it is that’s actually wanted - to feel joy, appreciation, empowerment, freedom and love.  

[Inno]

"By focusing on the breath, I'm ignoring all of the thoughts and wounds I have" ~ Guilt felt 

 

Focus is a peculiar thing. It's like a lens, a space, which is "filled with" what is focused upon. 

 

In this sense it is quite literally impossible to ignore anything. There is no duality of Ignoring something <> Focusing upon something. 

There is just focus. So ignoring all of the wounds I have is not really an experience of ignoring anything. It's focusing on the thought "ignoring whathever" and feeling the guidance of guilt. 

 

 

[Inno]

When we were children, we would randomly pick a word and start repeating, it until it sounded silly.

 

Why not do the same with thoughts that don't feel good?