Feeling like I’m in a loop

[j3w3lsth3l1zardw1zard]

For the past few years, I have felt like I am stuck in some sort of loop. I only am just finding a new way to word it, being “The Loop” because it feels like I keep doing these things to try and set myself free, then coming back down, and this cycle has been going on for many years. It’s really like I’m insane or something. Like it almost feels as if I’m in some sort of labyrinth where my thoughts have created the world around me. The song “Labyrinth” from the album Hawaii Part 2 describes it really well. Like, is my whole life some sort of construction or game I’ve been put in for some reason? I’m writing a film right now, and the basic plot is that the main character is lost in a strange maze, and she’s looking for something but she can’t remember what she is looking for. Basically, my life. 
 

I could talk about all these problems I have, as I have posted on here before, the being extremely unmotivated, my addictions, all that. But this feels like it’s getting closer to the heart of the problem. Recently I have started doing breathwork and some very very strange things happen for like 10 seconds after I’ve done it. Just thought I should mention that, intuition tells me it’s important. But… how do I escape this maze? Are these feelings that I’m stuck in some sort of time loop or something pointing at something, or are they really just madness? Is this thing I’m writing right now part of the trap? It feels like I know absolutely nothing. When I was a kid I used to say “the only thing I can know for sure is that there is something rather than nothing”. I can no longer be sure of that either.

 

It feels like I’m getting close to something, though. But the feeling of “I’m in a maze I’ve trapped myself in, and I have been here forever, and always will” is terrifying. I’m trying, yes, trying to not try. I’m very confused, if it’s not apparent lol. Anything anyone has to say will be appreciated, thank you.

[Devin]

Just enjoy.

 

Try at life, think, make plans, but whatever is going on, whatever happens, enjoy all of it. Try to appreciate by seeing the beauty in everything. This often means cutting out alot of excess in your life and relying more on the simple things that you enjoy.

[Phil]

That you are in a loop isn’t feeling; the thoughts are felt. It feels off precisely because you aren’t in thoughts, you’re prior to and aware of thoughts as awareness. 

 

That’s how thought loops work. Without thoughts of subject & object - with you as the subject or object - there is no loop. Put another way, it seems like thoughts are about yourself sometimes but this is never the case. 

 

A thought loop can be / start as simply as ‘for the past few years I…’. 

Awareness is presence, now, aware of that thought. You are awareness. You are not in the content of thoughts. Thought is not for you or about you, but is creation / is for creating. It might be clarifying to look at your hand and notice it’s the same. The hand is not for you nor about you, but is for creating.

 

On a good note, “I am insane” is a thought which isn’t about you. 

 

The entire population of this planet is seemingly insane via thought attachment / identity… believing this is sanity & projecting the discord as insanity. In large part this is unnoticed thought loops. Without believing thoughts, specifically subject object thoughts, peace remains, and sane & insane is clearly a duality of thought, whereas peace is infinite. 

 

The separate self of thought can not be set free because it already does not exist / is thoughts not a self. 

 

Thoughts have not created the world around you. Believing thoughts, there is then believed to be separation. You (subject) and a world (object) around you. Experience is as the center of the universe for ‘every’ one, while there is no actual separation. 

 

Construction, game and my whole life are thoughts. Thought never defines perception. You have not been put into anything; infinite is uncontainable. But infinite can appear as anything. And here we are, apparently. As @Devin said - just enjoy. Have fun without any reason. Fun is the point of fun. Life is the purpose of life. 

 

With the movie you’re creating, what happens when she stops looking? 

 

Thought are not problems; problem is a thought. When the thought ‘problem’ is ‘held’, indeed it seems a solution is needed. The solution is that problem is a thought, an interpretation. Interpretation will always supersede the seemingly objective world, as the world-sphere is ‘experienced’ through the lens-sphere. This is, again, so you can create. Focus on what’s wanted, allow the mysteries of the universe to reveal themselves to you. Thinking is away from, allowing is allowing. When there is “a problem”, acknowledge the thought, let it go, and see that “a solution” can & does arise in the empty space where the ‘problem thought’ was. Enjoy the happening-only-now of this. Truly, relish in the perfection of creation. 

 

There is no maze. Maze is a thought. An interpretation, like construction & game. Be mindful not to conceptualize what is (so to speak) right in front of your face. This is it. This is your creation. This is not a rehearsal. This is not in preparation for something greater. This is IT.

 

There aren’t feelings, and therein aren’t feelings that you’re stuck in. That is an overlooking of emotions & subject-object thoughts. There is no one who is at fault, guilty of overlooking, etc, etc. Perhaps intuition is saying this as well. It seems all too easy to conceptualize, such as game, construction, etc, and gloss over emotions and that feeling is not plural (feelings), but it’s inevitably not easier at all. It catches up with you as it were. That suffering has no source. 

 

For The One which listens to guidance (emotion) truly, there in no trap. Emotion and the guidance of is like a compass you can’t lose, break or give away. Communion is certainty. 

 

The ‘meat on the bone’ of “It feels like I know absolutely nothing”, is the knower. The so called finite mind can only experience thought as things. Nothing is no thing and can not be thought as in thunk. This is not a problem, the is the Good news. 

 

Not being sure there is something rather than nothing is the right orientation. It’s just advice, but going forward, be more choosy about listening to what does and doesn’t resonate. There is right view and it resonates, and there is momentum therein. Right means straight, aligned. Not right as in opposite of wrong. A wildly curving path is unnecessary, and feeling tells you so at every turn. Commune rather than suppress / listen to the inner guidance above what’s said. 

 

1 hour ago, j3w3lsth3l1zardw1zard said:

It feels like I’m getting close to something, though. But the feeling of “I’m in a maze I’ve trapped myself in, and I have been here forever, and always will” is terrifying.

What about considering that is not the feeling of - but rather that is a thought, and there is, naturally, how that thought feels?

Now it’s - this thought about being trapped in a maze, forever, always will’… does not resonate. 

There is no need to judge thought (as terrifying). 

Terrifying is just another thought. 

 

Instead, when that thought is experienced, which emotion is felt? 

Then, next - and what is the guidance of this emotion? 

When (so to speak) I think this thought - does it feel great, or not great? Discordant, or aligned? 

Is the guidance saying this thought is true, right, accurate… or is it saying this is not true, not right, not accurate?

Perhaps, as unbelievable as it is, the opposite is closer to the truth. 

But listen to feeling, not what’s said. Just allow the opposite thought and see if it feels more aligned and enjoy communion. Appreciating, honoring, respecting the guidance amplifies it, makes it more pronounced. Appreciate that you can’t leave home without it. 🤍 

1 hour ago, j3w3lsth3l1zardw1zard said:

I’m trying, yes, trying to not try. I’m very confused, if it’s not apparent lol. Anything anyone has to say will be appreciated, thank you.

Question the subject of that thought… with trying being the object. (Who is trying / trying not to try?)

Maybe these are thoughts, without a self they correspond to. Like ‘leprechaun’ or ‘unicorn’.

Maybe what was held in thought, labeled with thought, & believed to be ‘terrifying’ - is actually quite funny.  

What a relief that would be. 

 

 

When there is experienced many thought of unwanted - write them down, make a list. Then step away. Do some light, easy fun stuff. Go for a walk. Listen to music. Whatever resonates / lifts the mood. Then return to the list and write the opposites - what is wanted. Then write that on a Dreamboard. This, experience, reality, becomes that, without ever not-being This. Quite magical. 

[j3w3lsth3l1zardw1zard]

@PhilYou’re not funny. 
 

 

Ok, yeah that was funny. It seems as though the answers are actually the questions! It also seems like language can be interpreted infinitely, and that is the creation of it. No one often has these thoughts, and then they turn into some sort method that is chased and held on to. So I can really say whatever I want and it’s totally meaningless in every infinitely meaningful way. Huh. This is an example, like I’ll have these thoughts that are exactly about what is really going on, and then It’ll become something apparently solid. Like a book of rules of sorts. But even in typing this out, I’m starting to see the meaning change. It’s a knee slapper, Language is. I have all the language to describe what’s happening, and I always have, but I suppose I was just looking at the wrong things in the right place. Man, language is starting to fall apart again and it’s fun. Seems like as soon as I try to pin down the river to get a better look at it, I start getting anxious about the fact that my thumbtacks aren’t working. When I’m in these so called negative states, it doesn’t Matter what anyone says, because the thumbtacks aren’t working. When I’m in these aligned states, it doesn’t Matter what is being said at all. When I am in the so called bad states, I remember the language I used to describe it, but the meaning does not rest in the words, but rather the deeper understanding, which is infinite, so the words are rendered useless. 
 

I suppose I can finally understand the punchline of the joke “why did the chicken cross the road?”

 

It’s meaningless and not funny at all.

[Phil]

@j3w3lsth3l1zardw1zard

Absolutely. Phil’s just the setup. 

 

The underlying (and undermining) fundamental belief playing out as self referential thought loops is states. This supports the belief in good & bad, positive & negative, time, and anxiety.