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I want to understand boredom


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1 hour ago, Mandy said:

Are there really two sides of a conversation? Why not try writing both sides in a  journal? Do you think you need us to know what you want to be doing? You don't. 

I will give you few reasons why I can't express  myself effectively and why I can't journal (especially public journaling)..:

 

1.Because not every feeling has a word.

2.Because I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel.

3.Because what I feel makes no sense.

4.Because what I feel is contradictory.

5.Because I shouldn’t be feeling this.

6.Because I am the only one who has ever felt this way.

7Because I am afraid.

8Because I don’t trust you.

9Because I want you to know how I feel without having to tell you.

10Because if I tell you how I feel you might think less of me.

11Because, what for, if it never helps?

12Because you might stop loving me.

13Because you might not like me.

14Because it would make me feel exposed.

15Because you would think I’m weak.

 

Also..it can be a form of perfectionism mixed with low self-esteem. I have this idea that my expressions must  be perfect and  that others will have a less attractive way of expression .that they somehow are just better than me or smarter.

I know  NONE of this is likely to be true. Humans share some pretty basic emotions so chances are that they feel pretty much like i do (or within the same range) and we (humans) feel the same types of feelings as well (happy, mad, sad, glad and freaked out).

But the fear is irrational. I can't logic my way out of this . It's a part of my psychological  development.  It's been printed deep into my subconscious mind and i can't do anything about it .

 

BTW if you still visit the actualized.org forum from time to time as a guest...I started a journal about sexuallity . Give it a quick read if you want and tell me that you didn't cringe 😅

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On 10/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Someone here said:

OK. The reason I'm not doing a erase board is because if I put it in my house ..I'm afraid that my brother will make fun of me and silly little wishes lol.

Fear is an emotion. 

 

On 10/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Someone here said:

I don't know.  I guess there is a subtle difference. I'm supposed to write on the dreamboard from my  potential and try and fullfil that potential.

That’s ideology. 

Here is a link if you want to read the suggestions with respect to the dreamboard

 

On 10/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Someone here said:

That means accepting who I am already, warts and all, and having an urge to add a spark of creativity in each aspect of my life. The problem is I lack the foundation . I don't have the necessary pillars, (a healthy lifestyle)to  build whatever I  want on top of it

No foundation or pillars are needed. 

 

On 10/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Someone here said:

Some time ago i was still curious of many things but it's long gone. 

The curiosity is just obscured with the ideology. 

 

On 10/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Someone here said:

Now Im just doing stuff that needs to be done to develop myself and when im tired i play video games / do sports / read books. But everything is boring. Getting mastery at subjects at uni feels pointless. Even if i graduate and get decent knowledge and get a good job, whats the point? It wont change how i feel about the world around me. It will mostly change onyl how other perceive me, which i dont really care about. I feel like i need help and i dont know where to ask for it. My family doesnt even try understanding me. 

Developing yourself, getting mastery & getting knowledge are egocentric conceptual ideologies.

Ideology is momentarily great if you’re selling it, and inevitably discordant if you’re buying it. 

 

Boredom is an emotion. 

Other’s perceiving you is a belief. 

Your family needs to understand you to the exact same extent you need to understand your family. Wether that is entirely or not at all or somewhere in between is always up to you. 

 

On 10/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Someone here said:

Nice poetic description. But it's not true in my experience..so.....

It is you, and it’s just obscured. 

 

On 10/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Someone here said:

I'm doing that. 

On 10/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Someone here said:

I'm not doing a erase board

 

On 10/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Someone here said:

Still waiting for the tangible results. 

On 10/1/2022 at 3:00 PM, Someone here said:

I'm not doing a erase board

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4 hours ago, Someone here said:

I will give you few reasons why I can't express  myself effectively and why I can't journal (especially public journaling)..:

 

1.Because not every feeling has a word.

2.Because I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel.

3.Because what I feel makes no sense.

4.Because what I feel is contradictory.

5.Because I shouldn’t be feeling this.

6.Because I am the only one who has ever felt this way.

7Because I am afraid.

8Because I don’t trust you.

9Because I want you to know how I feel without having to tell you.

10Because if I tell you how I feel you might think less of me.

11Because, what for, if it never helps?

12Because you might stop loving me.

13Because you might not like me.

14Because it would make me feel exposed.

15Because you would think I’m weak.

 

Also..it can be a form of perfectionism mixed with low self-esteem. I have this idea that my expressions must  be perfect and  that others will have a less attractive way of expression .that they somehow are just better than me or smarter.

I know  NONE of this is likely to be true. Humans share some pretty basic emotions so chances are that they feel pretty much like i do (or within the same range) and we (humans) feel the same types of feelings as well (happy, mad, sad, glad and freaked out).

But the fear is irrational. I can't logic my way out of this . It's a part of my psychological  development.  It's been printed deep into my subconscious mind and i can't do anything about it .

 

Awesome journal entry right here as a response in this thread. ⬆️ Write out why you can't journal in a journal. Then laugh that that was the journal entry. That's expression. Damn effortless. 

 

You get what you give. 

 

What Phil pointed out above about not being willing to have a physical dream board and noticing that you aren't getting physical manifestations is a great example of this. What you aren't willing to do, what you aren't willing to give, might be exactly what you want of yourself. 

 Youtube Channel  

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I heard that we get bored when we want to do something but "can't". For instance, a boy who wants to play outside but "can't" because it is raining, will sit inside 'bored.' So it comes from a fixation on wanting something that you already believe you can't have or do. Therefore, to let go of boredom is to let go/change the point of focus. 

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