Fear of getting old

[Someone here]

5 hours ago, Phil said:

@Someone here

Fear’s an emotion based on an illusion, not a projection or a shared experience as it is often assumed. It has only to do with beliefs about death, and aversion from the well being of truth. Very different than the beliefs of the people you grew up with and think like. 

Where do you find the strength to overcome fear?

Something that I've noticed in my life is that every time I make a bad decision, said the wrong thing or remained idle, it's always because I was scared. To be honest, in almost every situation, fear is probably the most pervasive emotion that affects me in my decisions and ultimately affects who I will become in the future. 

I agree that fear is irrational by its very nature because you're scared of something that has not happened  or will not happen. In other words, fearful thoughts don't exist in reality, only in your mind. So you shouldn't be scared, right? I've been trying to look at it that way. I've gotten to the point where I think I know what's scaring me: rejection, failure, disappointment, humiliation etc. but I rarely build up the strength in time to really face my fears head on. I want that to stop.

 

[Phil]

9 hours ago, Someone here said:

Where do you find the strength to overcome fear?

Something that I've noticed in my life is that every time I make a bad decision, said the wrong thing or remained idle, it's always because I was scared. To be honest, in almost every situation, fear is probably the most pervasive emotion that affects me in my decisions and ultimately affects who I will become in the future. 

I agree that fear is irrational by its very nature because you're scared of something that has not happened  or will not happen. In other words, fearful thoughts don't exist in reality, only in your mind. So you shouldn't be scared, right? I've been trying to look at it that way. I've gotten to the point where I think I know what's scaring me: rejection, failure, disappointment, humiliation etc. but I rarely build up the strength in time to really face my fears head on. I want that to stop.

It’s like putting your hand on a hot stove (some beliefs) and wanting the burn (emotional guidance) to stop. Do you really want to feel less / be without feeling? 

[Someone here]

8 hours ago, Devin said:

How could you appreciate life without death,

I would like to live forever .in happiness of course .just like how these Middle Eastern religions describe heaven or paradise. I don't want to die .and I certainly don't need death to appreciate life .

[Someone here]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

It’s like putting your hand on a hot stove (some beliefs) and wanting the burn (emotional guidance) to stop. Do you really want to feel less / be without feeling? 

No .in this case I would like to not feel fear.  But I'm saying everything has a reason for its existence.  God doesn't create stuff randomly or without purpose.   We would not be here today without fear. For example, if you didn't have fear, what's stopping you from going and petting a wild animal that could most likely kill you? Without fear, odds are you won't think things through as much. You'll most likely be more reckless without fear.

Why don't people speed? It usually boils down to either it's scary, or you'll get a ticket. Both of which are brought up by fear. There are lots of examples but that one popped into my head first.

There are times it can of course be harmful, like if someone is scared to go to the doctor to get something checked out due to being fearful of what the result may truly by. And by not getting said issue checked, having it cause much worse problems.

[Phil]

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

No .in this case I would like to not feel fear.  But I'm saying everything has a reason for its existence.  God doesn't create stuff randomly or without purpose.   We would not be here today without fear. For example, if you didn't have fear, what's stopping you from going and petting a wild animal that could most likely kill you? Without fear, odds are you won't think things through as much. You'll most likely be more reckless without fear.

You claim every thing has a reason for it’s existence. Where is a thing? Show a thing to me. 

You claim God doesn’t create stuff randomly or without purpose. Where is God? Show God to me. 

You claim fear is something Phil (via “you”) has. Where is the fear Phil has? Show fear to me. 

You claim there is someone thinking things through. Where is this thinker? Show the thinker to me. 

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

Why don't people speed? It usually boils down to either it's scary, or you'll get a ticket. Both of which are brought up by fear. There are lots of examples but that one popped into my head first.

You claim there are people. Where are people? Show people to me. 

You claim someone is scared. Where is this someone? Show someone to me. 

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

There are times it can of course be harmful, like if someone is scared to go to the doctor to get something checked out due to being fearful of what the result may truly by. And by not getting said issue checked, having it cause much worse problems.

You claim there is someone who is scared. Where is this someone? Show this someone to me. 

 

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

No .in this case I would like to not feel fear

“I would like to not put my hand on the stove”. 

Then why justify & rationalize putting your hand on the stove? 

[Sunrise]

On 9/9/2022 at 4:24 PM, Someone here said:

I have become increasingly afraid of growing old. I’m not sure where this is coming from but it hasn’t been pleasant. I’ve spoken with my therapist about it but it hasn’t really helped. I only receive generic responses. 

 

I am quite unhealthy for my age. I never exercise. and eat a lot of junk and low quality food and smoke a bunch of cigarettes everyday. 

 

How can I stop being afraid of aging? 

I would like to live forever .in happiness of course .

A few ideas. . . 

 

First, you may want to recognize that what you are doing is not working to alleviate the fear. This might seem obvious, yet it hasn't sunk in deep enough. If one truly recognized this, they wouldn't be doing the same thing over and over - expecting different results.

 

If the desire to alleviate the fear is strong enough, you will try new things. And those new things seem quite obvious.

 

1. You seem to have a black or white mindset in which you will live in 100% intense fear constantly or 0% fear (100% happiness forever).  You might want to consider a different mindset in which you substantially reduce the fear level. Imagine your life in which the fear intensity and frequency is reduced by 80%. Wouldn't that be a major improvement in quality of life? If you can reduce the intensity and frequency by 80%, it's no longer a big deal.

 

2. You are making lifestyle choices that intensify the fear. Smoking, being sedentary and eating a crappy diet all accelerate aging.  

 

3. I would consider trying something new. Try a new experiment: create a healthy lifestyle. For the next six months, don't smoke, do moderate exercise for 30min. 3x per week, meditation + yoga 3X per week and eat a healthy diet. Then see how you feel after 6 months. I'd bet your fear is reduced by 50% or more. And that 50%+ reduction will open up space for new healthy feelings and thoughts. . . It may seem like a lot of lifestyle changes, yet consider the alternative - living with intense fear and things like emphysema and type II diabetes in your 40s.  

[Someone here]

@Phil all of these questions have the same answer. How can you ask me to show you people? They are hanging around everywhere. Do you need glasses? 😆 

 

Seriously though..there are three levels or phases or aspects of TRUTH:

 

 -Absolute Truth.

-  Relative or conventional Truth

- Mistaken Truth

So from an absolute level , everything in the universe is unsubstantial, ephemeral and in perpetual flux and therefore nothing is “real” or “abiding” and is therefore an “illusion”.

Every apparently solid object is actually 99.9% empty space and appears to us as solid. So there is a radical difference between our perception of things and how they really are in terms of their atomic structure. The world is NOT what we think it is.

Then in terms of our selves .. we identify with our bodies, emotions and our possessions and relationships ..all of which are ephemeral, transitory and in flux. This identification and attachment is the cause of our “discontent” or “dissatisfaction”

Our true nature is consciousness . so identification with the mind-body this is a mistaken truth.

So it all depends on your perspective ..in absolute terms everything is an illusion and in a conventional, practical sense everything is real.

And remember..that there is no you and no me and no nothing and no non-nothing ad infinitum. 😎

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, Sunrise said:

A few ideas. . . 

 

First, you may want to recognize that what you are doing is not working to alleviate the fear. This might seem obvious, yet it hasn't sunk in deep enough. If one truly recognized this, they wouldn't be doing the same thing over and over - expecting different results.

 

If the desire to alleviate the fear is strong enough, you will try new things. And those new things seem quite obvious.

 

1. You seem to have a black or white mindset in which you will live in 100% intense fear constantly or 0% fear (100% happiness forever).  You might want to consider a different mindset in which you substantially reduce the fear level. Imagine your life in which the fear intensity and frequency is reduced by 80%. Wouldn't that be a major improvement in quality of life? If you can reduce the intensity and frequency by 80%, it's no longer a big deal.

 

2. You are making lifestyle choices that intensify the fear. Smoking, being sedentary and eating a crappy diet all accelerate aging.  

 

3. I would consider trying something new. Try a new experiment: create a healthy lifestyle. For the next six months, don't smoke, do moderate exercise for 30min. 3x per week, meditation + yoga 3X per week and eat a healthy diet. Then see how you feel after 6 months. I'd bet your fear is reduced by 50% or more. And that 50%+ reduction will open up space for new healthy feelings and thoughts. . . It may seem like a lot of lifestyle changes, yet consider the alternative - living with intense fear and things like emphysema and type II diabetes in your 40s.  

That's a good solid advice .thanks for that .

My only problem is I procrastinate on more things than just home work. I know that alot of people procrastinate but I feel like I'm the worst. I procrastinate on things I actually want to do. It can be sleep, playing video games, training, brushing My teeth, reading a Book, watching series or movies.

I'm not even sure what I'm doing with my life anymore.

Do I have some kind of diagnosis or is this normal?

[Sunrise]

30 minutes ago, Someone here said:

That's a good solid advice .thanks for that .

My only problem is I procrastinate on more things than just home work. I know that alot of people procrastinate but I feel like I'm the worst. I procrastinate on things I actually want to do. It can be sleep, playing video games, training, brushing My teeth, reading a Book, watching series or movies.

I'm not even sure what I'm doing with my life anymore.

Do I have some kind of diagnosis or is this normal?

I can relate. It's ironic how unhealthy behaviors can give short-term comfort. Last night, I was watching TV late into the night and I ate so much fruit and nuts that I starting feeling sick and anxious. Yet in an odd way, it was also comforting.

 

Regarding procrastination, I find it interesting how easy it is to procrastinate healthy things, yet quite difficult to procrastinate unhealthy things. For example, I've never met a smoker that said "I keep procrastinating smoking a cigarette".

 

For me, a key is to develop healthy habits with modest goals and consistency. For example, each morning I stretch for about 30min. It's become part of my daily routine. Occasionally I miss a morning due to life events and it feels weird.

 

Ime, fear can be the subconscious trying to communicate with the conscious. When I started college (many years ago), I was partying/drinking a lot and eating poorly. I kept experiencing intense feeling that something isn't right and to change direction. Like I was born to do something and my current lifestyle will prevent me from reaching that potential.

[Mandy]

@Someone here Have you ever noticed really bad advertising, ever seen someone try to sell a product and they so fixated on getting sales that it's just really kinda cringe? 

 

In contrast, ever seen a commercial or product that was just clever, brilliant, inspired? 

 

The people in the first example have a purpose... sell products, make money for myself. Yet there's no real consideration of what the customer wants or even for their perspective, thus the advertisement or sales pitch feels very off and startling to the customer. It's the opposite of the desired effect. 

 

In the second example of the inspired ad or product, there maybe still a desire to sell products, but what they've done is they have received a new idea that felt amazing to them and acted on it. They probably got that idea laying around, or jogging or doing something unrelated. And the way the customer sees that idea in action is exactly the same way the idea felt when it was received, brilliant, new, clever, inspiring. But when this person received this idea they had "no idea what they were doing in life", yet they also had no idea that they had no idea what they were doing in life. "I don't know what I'm doing on life" is a thought taking up space and resulting in discord that another thought of something like "oh, maybe a glass of water would be nice right now" could fill in. 

 

Being afraid to die is the equivalent of trying to be the first person with their forced commercial. Instead of worrying about making this life good for you with the assumption that it currently sucks and is dwindling away, key into the GOOD already inherent in life, and the next step for you in the moment will be made clear. There's only ever just this moment, no more than that. 

[Phil]

35 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@Phil all of these questions have the same answer. How can you ask me to show you people? They are hanging around everywhere. Do you need glasses? 😆

Fear arises innocently of ignorance, but arrogance perpetuates it. 

35 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Seriously though..there are three levels or phases or aspects of TRUTH:

 

 -Absolute Truth.

-  Relative or conventional Truth

- Mistaken Truth

So from an absolute level , everything in the universe is unsubstantial, ephemeral and in perpetual flux and therefore nothing is “real” or “abiding” and is therefore an “illusion”.

Every apparently solid object is actually 99.9% empty space and appears to us as solid. So there is a radical difference between our perception of things and how they really are in terms of their atomic structure. The world is NOT what we think it is.

Then in terms of our selves .. we identify with our bodies, emotions and our possessions and relationships ..all of which are ephemeral, transitory and in flux. This identification and attachment is the cause of our “discontent” or “dissatisfaction”

Our true nature is consciousness . so identification with the mind-body this is a mistaken truth.

So it all depends on your perspective ..in absolute terms everything is an illusion and in a conventional, practical sense everything is real.

And remember..that there is no you and no me and no nothing and no non-nothing ad infinitum. 😎

This is kind of a whole different conversation imo. What you’re sharing here is not a light matter. These ‘levels’ of truth are ignorant conjecture which has been indoctrinated, and it fundamentally undermines your interest in experience being without fear. It’s a belief system which prevents the actual truth from being recognized which is the same as saying it perpetuates the fear. To these ears it is a stating of the tenants of a cult, while simultaneously revealing an adherence so firm it is believed not to be indoctrination. Cults don’t transpire in buildings, but in ignorance, conjecture, indoctrination, and arrogance. 

 

[Unknown]

Lol, I’m 26 too and I understand where you’re coming from. 
 

fortunately for me though, I don’t share nearly the same degree of fearfulness over this topic as you. I think you gotta reframe your attitude on this and keep your attention/focus away from the bogus terrible consequences your mind thinks will happen with age. 
 

Think about how awesome it’ll be to be in your 30’s and to have a stable source of financial income such that you’re no longer overly concerned with petty survivor affairs. 
 

Think about how much more wise, detached, and mature you’ll be in the following decades and how life will be more at ease than the current neurotic ways you live now. 
 

Look forward to communing with similar-aged people with similar levels of wisdom and how you’ll all laugh at your previous struggles and all the petty fears you had that seem ridiculous to you now. 
 

Also, on a side note, I can’t help but mention that I see you frequently posting on both forums; rehashing your problems over and over and asking the same types of questions…

 

Not to derail this post but I kindly ask: are you taking action on the theory you KNOW you have? 
 

For example, are you approaching women/socializing more like Leo comprehensively detailed in his laid series? 
 

Are you daily meditating and focusing on the root of your addictions such as the cigarette problem you stressed several times? 
 

Are you spending more time focusing on career, life plans, rewiring your mind, etc. than time spent dicking around in forums and receiving vague spiritual responses that are unhelpful and you probably already predicted? 
 

Don’t mean to get personal or anything, I just see some of your behaviors in me so I couldn’t help but talk to ‘myself’. 
 

“You don’t even fear the right things”

-Leo 

[Unknown]

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

I'm not even sure what I'm doing with my life anymore.

Believe me, I’m with you. I’m currently doing a degree in neuroscience and I have absolutely no more desire in it anymore. My fantasies and ideas of what this career would be like is far from how it really is. 
 

At this point, I’m forcing myself to graduate just so I can say I have a degree and don’t seem like a complete failure and loser to family and friends. 
 

I think the solution is to really cut through your ego’s bullshit and take radical action. Why don’t you join me? Take a break from this forum and the other forum. Remodel your routine slowly, step by step. Maybe wake up earlier, spend less time browsing online, exercise more, etc. 

It doesn’t have to be a heroic leap where you cut off everything and try to change your entire life. But it means really being honest and and seeing through your ego’s elaborate ways of keeping you locked in your dysfunctional cycles. 
 

Consider referring to SOURCE materials. This means going learning DIRECTLY from actual credentialed teachers rather than reading countless vague sentences/paragraphs from stranger forum users who’s level of experience/expertise is unclear. 
 

And then taking ACTION from those source teachings. There is no secret here. Deep inside, you know why you struggle and your patterns repeat themselves and you receive little to no results. 
 

Also, contemplate how fucking awesome it’ll be to FINALLY get your survival and financial affairs situated such that you can finally access deep states of consciousness and comprehend higher teachings without petty anxieties getting in the way. 
 

You gotta take total ownership of your thoughts and actions. I’m personally a work in progress but I have a vision for myself and I’m at a place where I see through a lot of my own bullshit. I mean, this is really the only way. What’s the alternative? The alternative is being stuck and mentally masturbating your way through life as hours, days, months fly by with no results. Just my two cents. Take care 

 

[Loop]

 

16 hours ago, Someone here said:

So from an absolute level , everything in the universe is unsubstantial, ephemeral and in perpetual flux and therefore nothing is “real” or “abiding” and is therefore an “illusion”.

You are mistaking the intangibility of mind, with What You Really Are. There is ‘something’ immovable and eternal, and it is so goddam real. The discovery of it is what allows you to go beyond the illusion, the real illusion, death, and remain as Reality.