How to deal with my toxic brother?

[Someone here]

50 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Someone here

Thanks. 

Is your brother married?

No .

[Phil]

@Someone here

If you sit alone in a room, and or in silence, is there conflict?

[Mandy]

9 minutes ago, Someone here said:

I need a college degree to be able to find a job. 

How far are you from your degree, and can you speed it up? My husband was able to get a 4 year degree in 3 years due to a teacher who helped him work that all out. 

[Someone here]

16 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Someone here

If you sit alone in a room, and or in silence, is there conflict?

No . I'm Currently enjoying meditation like never before .not sure if I got even addicted to it. Because it serves me as a good escape from my reality .

Actually, its an escape from unreality and turning the mind towards reality. I have discovered that the world is unreal because its changing. The only unchanging, eternal and unaffected  thing is my inner SELF. In meditation, i stay as that inner SELF and seprate myself from this entire creation including my  body-mind-intellect. 

But unfortunately I can't meditate all the time .i have to survive and take care of my obligations and fix my problems..one of which is my toxic relationship with my brother .

9 minutes ago, Mandy said:

How far are you from your degree, and can you speed it up? My husband was able to get a 4 year degree in 3 years due to a teacher who helped him work that all out. 

It will take me probably 3 years at least .if given that i don't fail any semester and have to retake it again.

In the First three years I took 5 courses a semester, last year taking 6 courses per semester and taking a summer course twice during the entire period. 

So it's gonna take some time .even then when I finally graduate its gonna take time to find a good job with a good salary because the opportunities here in India are so limited and most jobs require the worker to have at least few years of experience in the field before getting the formal job .

[Phil]

@Someone here

Do you see how my questions in the beginning of this thread are aimed at dissolving the conflict?

 

How do you feel when focus is shifted from your brother to wanting to find a job or create income and move out? 

[Someone here]

54 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Someone here

Do you see how my questions in the beginning of this thread are aimed at dissolving the conflict?

 

How do you feel when focus is shifted from your brother to wanting to find a job or create income and move out? 

 Yes.  Sorry I didn't pay them much attention. I know you are a good person and always try to help people. So thanks for everything you do.  However unfortunately sometimes your posts/questions or whatever seem a lot ambiguous and difficult to grasp.  You have to meet me at my level instead of playing zen koans with me . So I just ask you to be straightforward more in our future interactions.  Besides that you are a great guy and I like your teachings and they resonate with me .

 

I know there are things required in your life that you can control. Such as getting the job you want, having a happy life and relationship , etc.

I tried to  study the related skills to achieve that . For example, to get the job i want, i may want to build a good communication skills. To have a happy life, i may want to practise empathy without getting taken advantage by people. .. PLUS feel the sense of accomplishment even though i have not yet achieved my goal. simply ‘wanting something in the future’ has the effect of emphasising you do not have it rather than pushing you to having it.

it by taking one day at a time. I write out a daily to-do list, with each item moving me one step closer to a bigger goal of mine. I do what I can for that day, because I cannot control what tomorrow will bring. I cannot control whether tomorrow will bring an earthquake, a deadly virus, or a supernatural occurrence.. however, I can make tomorrow a little easier by finishing what I know I must complete today.

So yeah by shifting my focus on building the life I want I do feel a little bit better .but my brother is really a huge obstacle .I'm not trying to make excuses. But  please put yourself in my shoes ..I still have few years before graduation and finding a job..so I have to put up with my brother's bullshit for a few years and not make progress towards my dream life . Isn't that a shitty situation ?

[Mandy]

@Someone here Is what you want for someone to say "Yes, that sucks." or would you rather start to see that you're not as limited as you think, get creative and dream up what is possible? I literally just an hour ago did something that I thought for the past three years was completely impossible. Yet, it was and it was also right under my nose the entire time. 

[Someone here]

18 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Someone here Is what you want for someone to say "Yes, that sucks." or would you rather start to see that you're not as limited as you think, get creative and dream up what is possible? I literally just an hour ago did something that I thought for the past three years was completely impossible. Yet, it was and it was also right under my nose the entire time. 

Of course I want my dreams to come true.  But there is serious  obstacles in my life preventing me. One of which is my shitty society. And I'm not making excuses .I'm being 100% honest .i can’t make my goals come true now.

Honestly,I  just keep trying. And be reasonable. If my dream is to become the nex Picasso then  I better keep dreaming.that is impossible .

I thought of Taking my  goals, and break them  into smaller goals. Then take those smaller goals, and break them down into tasks.

If i want to go to the moon, i need a ship. If  I want  to build a ship, i need money. If i want money, then  i need to get a job. etc etc etc.

I also try to Make sure my  dreams are possible.

And to be honest..most of my dreams are not possible given the current situation of my life . Very very very huge changes need to happen..

 

BTW. What is the impossible thing that you did an hour ago ...?just curious 🙂

[Mandy]

@Someone here I keep trying to keep my heart beating, but I keep forgetting about it. I think I'm just gonna die.

 

Life is working out for you, you don't have to consciously think of it, just like the sun rises every morning and your heart beats and circulates without your thought given to it. With that said what you believe is possible is what is possible for you. The good news is that beliefs aren't set in stone. 

 

Huge sudden changes almost never happen unless they are destructive in some way, but everything changes all the time. There are small opportunities opening up to you in every moment, but if you believe they aren't there, you simply won't see them. 

 

39 minutes ago, Someone here said:

BTW. What is the impossible thing that you did an hour ago ...?just curious 🙂

Do you want the long absolutely crazy story, or the shortened much more boring one? 😂

[Someone here]

7 minutes ago, Mandy said:

14 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Life is working out for you, you don't have to consciously think of it, just like the sun rises every morning and your heart beats and circulates without your thought given to it. With that said what you believe is possible is what is possible for you. The good news is that beliefs aren't set in stone. 

 

 

Yes some natural processes like breathing, blood circulation, the movement of heavenly planets are automatic..but to get a great life is not automatic. It requires hard work and dedication. You can't just sit around playing video games and expect your dream life to dawn on you out of nowhere. Like It doesn't work like that. 

I have a question for you..

Do you think “Nothing is Impossible "? And I'm not talking about breaking the laws of physics and flying  ..I mean there is only so much stuff one can do in a life-time,..do you agree/disagree? 

 

If you live your life as if nothing was impossible you will challenge your limitations and live with a sense of courage and adventure.

 However,  Living your life as if nothing was impossible is unrealistic and will result in you slamming yourself against cold, hard reality an infinite amount of times because many things are indeed impossible. This is fact and there is no way around it.

 

14 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Huge sudden changes almost never happen unless they are destructive in some way, but everything changes all the time. There are small opportunities opening up to you in every moment, but if you believe they aren't there, you simply won't see them. 

I agree .it's our minds that works as filters for reality .I believe in solipsism..so I believe that my mind (my subconscious mind) is responsible for literally creating physical reality itself .just like a dream at night.  Now I have that theoretical knowledge but I don't know how to use it for my own benefits.  I tried a lot of manifesting and law of attraction techniques but nothing seem to work 

17 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Do you want the long absolutely crazy story, or the shortened much more boring one? 😂

The long one 🙂

[Mandy]

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

Yes some natural processes like breathing, blood circulation, the movement of heavenly planets are automatic..but to get a great life is not automatic. It requires hard work and dedication. You can't just sit around playing video games and expect your dream life to dawn on you out of nowhere. Like It doesn't work like that. 

When I was really young I started making jewelry and selling it, then I started making my own glass beads when I was 15. It was all just interests and things I liked to look at in catalogs and spend my small amount of money on, but I realized that it was a lot more fun just to make things and make money than to just buy things. I was really fascinated by it and inspired by it. Ended up selling over half a million dollars in glass bead over the years. Paid for a truck, a car, a house and house renovations. Just because of a dumb girlie little hobby I was super enthralled by. So I think life does work like that, but you gotta follow the inspiration, not just give up and do whatever. I also worked really hard, but I still loved it. 

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

Do you think “Nothing is Impossible "? And I'm not talking about breaking the laws of physics and flying  ..I mean there is only so much stuff one can do in a life-time,..do you agree/disagree? 

Agree, nothing is impossible. 

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

Do you think “Nothing is Impossible "? And I'm not talking about breaking the laws of physics and flying  ..I mean there is only so much stuff one can do in a life-time,..do you agree/disagree? 

Very few people want to make glass beads. I don't care about being a professional swimmer, I love to swim but I really could care less about how well I perform. There is plenty of time for everything you are truly drawn to do. Lots of people only accept as possibilities for income what they think will gain them honor or money, but often money comes from the things you just do because you love them and when you start out you don't care if you get paid or not.

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

I agree .it's our minds that works as filters for reality .I believe in solipsism..so I believe that my mind (my subconscious mind) is responsible for literally creating physical reality itself .just like a dream at night.  Now I have that theoretical knowledge but I don't know how to use it for my own benefits.  I tried a lot of manifesting and law of attraction techniques but nothing seem to work 

Solipsism is like the realization that Harry Potter is the only "real" character in the story because the story is told through his perspective. But none of the characters are real, all are created by the author. 

 

The problem with law of attraction is that it's a law, so it's working without you having to use it. It's only about becoming aware of how it works. So if you are focusing on law of attraction not working, the law of attraction will show to you evidence that it does not work. And if you focus on lack, you only see more lack. Law of attraction has its way with you. All you can do is surrender to it, and it can be really funny to see why we attract what we attract, but on top of that all bad things, work for Good too, just like Voldemort is necessary to the story, but Harry Potter's worst nightmare. JK Rowling does not fear Voldemort though. Harry great courage is only ever borrowed from JK Rowling. Through creation, you have insight about why things are the way they are, but as a character you're subject to all kinds of conditions. You can create your life and change things only through the Authors inspiration, but you can never be Harry Potter and pull yourself out of the cupboard under the stairs through being miserable. Most misery comes from trying to be a hero from the cupboard under the stairs. Your Hogwarts letter is coming. You already sent it to yourself. Probably in the junk mail folder of your pessimism. 

 

 

 

 

[Mandy]

6 hours ago, Someone here said:

The long one 🙂

When I was a kid, my parents caretook a cemetery and we had to work there with them a lot. One year my sister claimed that she saw a ghost and there was a lot of discussion about this with my dad who was open minded about such things. I was a very skeptical kid, and I did not believe this. I had never seen a ghost. There are lots of chances to see false movement in a cemetery because of all the stones and monuments. But, after what happened later, I knew that I could not just dismiss or disbelieve. 

 

During that time, we also ran a lot, and we were running on this really old lonely woods road on the other side of town from the cemetery. Here my sister's ghost rendezvous continued. While I was with her, she intuitively found a cellar hole on this road hidden by trees, and later through research we found that one of the sons there was lost in the civil war and had grown up in that home. He was buried near where she claimed she saw a ghost. He also was never honored as a veteran for some reason, was overlooked. Of the three veterans graves in the family, only two were honored. So we added him to the list and put a flag on his grave . And that was that. I never knew what to think about it. 

 

Several years ago I bought an old house and started to become fascinated by old homes, especially Victorian homes with turrets. Those are my favorite. I also really love antiques and anything from that era, for whatever reason. 

 

I still have never seen a ghost, but around 4 or 5 years ago, something somewhat similar as what happened to my sister also happened to me. It started with my taking my kids to play at this one spot in town and I just felt wonderful there. I became almost obsessed with it. Around that time I was exploring the cemetery in the town that I now live in when my daughter was very young. I came by the grave of an herbal healer that I barely knew anything about. His cemetery plot is full of beautiful stonework and is hard to miss. I wanted to check it out, so put the brakes on the stroller, and went up the stone steps. Before I could explore, I see out of the corner of my eye that my daughter was flying down the hill in her stroller, the stroller brake had let go. I sprinted after her and just caught her before she crashed into gravestones. Remember, I don't believe in ghosts. I'm not scared of cemeteries in the least. Even though I know it was probably my mistake, I wonder about it, just a little.

 

I went back again months later just before Halloween, and this time I spot one single plant growing on this stone covered herbal healer's grave, and... plant nerd and lover that I am, I know that it's poison nightshade. I think that this is hilarious, because he is supposed to be an herbal healer. I'm also fascinated. I go back again to his grave, again with my daughter. This time I take her out of the stroller, but she screams her head off because she is cold, and I can't look over anything and we have to go right home. As we leave, she screams over and over "my mittens!" and I realize too late that she threw off her mittens somewhere. 

 

One day I get this idea and it feels amazing. "You should search for his book on herbal remedies." I totally forget the idea, but remember that I had an idea that felt really wonderful. So I search for it, and it's his entire life story, explaining how he came to realize that he was clairvoyant. He would fall into a sleep, and prescribe plant medicines for people and also diagnose their conditions. He did basically the same thing as what Edgar Cayce did, only this guy lived earlier than Edgar Cayce and was never well known except locally.  But the story of how this all came about was fascinating, and spoke to so many things I was wanting and questioning. It also was the perfect illustration of how law of attraction works in someone's life. After reading the book, I went back to the cemetery and finally, was able to explore his cemetery plot. There had been a light snow, and where I stepped and disturbed the snow, I found one the last of my daughter's purple mittens (found the other in the cemetery road). 

 

The fascination with him only grew. I happened to see someone post something about where the summer mansion he built was. It burned down when my Grandmother was 20 and at the time I found this my Grandmother was on her death bed. She had tried to tell me where it had been but I never understood. Now, I understood and I started going there. The last time I said goodbye to her before she passed of natural causes, I was so thrilled of finally finding where it had been that I wanted to tell her, but all I could do was hold her hand, she was beyond having a conversation. But it felt just as good.

 

At first I was terrified to be randomly trespassing in the woods, but something really life changing happened there. I decided to entertain the fantasy that I could speak to this clairvoyant doctor. That he was still there, and never left. I knelt down by the pink granite blocks that had lined his house and were now grown over with wild trees and I put my hands on them, and listened. I just cleared my mind and waited for a message. The messages came. I realized that I was only inviting my own intuition back in. And like he had mentioned fighting with his own intuition in the book, I had too, from a young age and not realized it. And this inviting it back in and listening changed everything.

 

It turns out that his house had overlooked the spot on the river that I had becomes obsessed with. There it was, the whole time. Hidden, but under my nose. I also discovered later that my great grandparents were buried just  a short distance down the hill close to where the stroller rolled that day. No one ever told me that that's where their graves were, but there they were, under my nose. 

 

Fast forward, lots of amazing things happened, many connections and synchronicities, and lots of insights, too many to recall, happened around and regarding this. I made it habit of going to where his house had been. I remember looking at a tree that grew from one trunk to two when the wind was blowing and it was cracking slightly and the insight that nonduality was both, one and two hit me. Lots of stuff like that happened there.  I looked up everything I could about him, and during the summer that I was going to the historical society museum, an entire photo album was randomly donated that was his and we all went through it together and it changed the history that we had on him. The one thing we never had were interior pictures of his house. I SO wanted to know what it had looked like, his house had been a Victorian mansion with a  turret. I asked (Source) to see it. But I assumed that it was impossible, unless I was given some sort of clairvoyant vision or something. But then again, I don't believe in ghosts. There's just no way, with it having burnt down 100 years ago, that there were photos of the inside. It's not really a big deal though, so I never gave it much thought that I'd never see the inside of his house. But it was something I thought about that I really, really would have loved. 

 

A couple weeks ago, someone I know from the town I grew up in (not the town the mansion was in) put a clip in the local paper to try to find photos of the mansion while it was burning and mentioned something about some interior photos of it. So today, I walked from my parents house down to the town office that I drive past every single day, and they gave me a binder full of the most unexpectedly beautiful, clear photos of the interior of his house to look at. 🤷‍♂️

It turns out that for some small town political reasons, the photos were just never donated to the proper town. But there they were, a very short walk from where I grew up and still visit daily, the whole time. 

 

 

[Phil]

On 8/31/2022 at 11:41 AM, Someone here said:

 Yes.  Sorry I didn't pay them much attention. I know you are a good person and always try to help people. So thanks for everything you do.  However unfortunately sometimes your posts/questions or whatever seem a lot ambiguous and difficult to grasp.  You have to meet me at my level instead of playing zen koans with me . So I just ask you to be straightforward more in our future interactions.  Besides that you are a great guy and I like your teachings and they resonate with me .

Thanks. If you have any question about anything in my comment feel free to ask or let me know. 

On 8/31/2022 at 11:41 AM, Someone here said:

 

I know there are things required in your life that you can control. Such as getting the job you want, having a happy life and relationship , etc.

I tried to  study the related skills to achieve that . For example, to get the job i want, i may want to build a good communication skills. To have a happy life, i may want to practise empathy without getting taken advantage by people. .. PLUS feel the sense of accomplishment even though i have not yet achieved my goal. simply ‘wanting something in the future’ has the effect of emphasising you do not have it rather than pushing you to having it.

it by taking one day at a time. I write out a daily to-do list, with each item moving me one step closer to a bigger goal of mine. I do what I can for that day, because I cannot control what tomorrow will bring. I cannot control whether tomorrow will bring an earthquake, a deadly virus, or a supernatural occurrence.. however, I can make tomorrow a little easier by finishing what I know I must complete today.

So yeah by shifting my focus on building the life I want I do feel a little bit better .but my brother is really a huge obstacle .I'm not trying to make excuses. But  please put yourself in my shoes ..I still have few years before graduation and finding a job..so I have to put up with my brother's bullshit for a few years and not make progress towards my dream life . Isn't that a shitty situation ?

I meant getting a job now. 

[BlendingInfinite]

On 8/30/2022 at 5:07 PM, Phil said:

Is saying someone is a toxic person a positive action?

If not, would you apologize for having said it?

Do you feel discord with someone else’s thoughts?

 

Translation:

 

You saying someone is a toxic person is negative,

that is why you should apologize for having said it.

Moreover, you feel the discord with someone else's thoughts.

 

On 8/30/2022 at 8:43 PM, Phil said:

So if I’ve got it right, he’s toxic, I don’t understand, and you can’t do it…? 

Sounds like rationalizing & justifying denial & a victim mindset. 

Translation:

 

You are hypocritical yourself and you yourself is toxic.

This is rationalizing & justifying denial & a victim mindset. 

 

 

Summary:

I know what you are thinking and feeling. And what I say about you is definitely true. Because, I know it better than most people.

[BlendingInfinite]

You should study philosophy and AI, do a phd or something like Bernado Kastrov. Creating a/multiple companies and/or invest.

Using your brother to get better in handling people. Because, you would need this anyways for the goals you mentioned.

 

Feels ugly to tell people what they should do 🤮If it is done by 'questions' or not.

 

Idk. maybe buy a cat or something.

Edited September 1, 2022 by BlendingInfinite

[BlendingInfinite]

Lol now phil gave me a warning because he felt triggered