Is chivalry dead?

[Mandy]

@Orb Yeah, I only go to restaurants because of other people, and also so my kids aren't raised to be totally feral. Growing up, my parents never went to restaurants, and then my sister started working at a very fancy hotel, and I went there for an event that came with a 5 course meal, and it was one of the most hilariously awkward things I've ever lived through. Like, what the fuck are you doing to my chair, I know how to sit down, thank you very much, but not with you trying to push my chair in for me, I mean, I learned in 4th grade, that if anyone is messing with your chair, DON'T SIT DOWN cause they'll likely gonna pull it out from under you. Yeah, I dunno about chivalry, it's hard to put your finger on what that is. 😆Like, is what's expected of the Royal Guard chivalry or just a bunch of antiquated bizarre expectations passing for "tradition"? I dunno.  

 

Plus, restaurants are usually too loud and packed to have good conversations. Something about other people serving me my food, and waiting that long for it, ugh, no. I'd much rather pack a banana and a granola bar and spend the day hiking or at the beach. 😆

 

I feel like if you have very limited funds, it's an opportunity to get creative and improvise. Picked wildflowers are WAY more romantic than bought flowers, if done right. Having limited money can actually be romantic AF, but not if you're feeling bad about it, or trying to hide it, or trying to manipulate someone into paying for you or trying to avoid paying, out of fear or trying to play some sort of game. No. 

[Mandy]

4 minutes ago, Faith said:

@Mandy @Orb

That's all fine and dandy, I got no problem with that, but really my point was these guys that ask someone for a date and the date winds up being just sitting in their bedroom, drinking water and getting groped for sex. Ack. 

 

I'm so glad my millennial son didn't treat women like that. I don't care if it was an ice cream cone after going to the park, his ass was paying for it if he was on a date! 

Yeah, I'm not really sure what people expect these days with some of the apps and pick up, and all the rest of it. I just think that if you invite someone to do something with you, you should pay. If you both came up with the idea, pay equally. And if there is something expected from the woman AFTER if the guy invites her and pays as if her company at the event WAS NOT the desired thing in itself, that's just...🤢 eh. 

[Orb]

@Mandy agreed, also the framing that one person has to pay feels off. 

 

Isn't it way better to just show up, pull out your wallet and just pay? 😄

 

I think all this dating stuff is intuitive, I'd rather just learn from experience than build up all these rules. 

 

I did once have a girl pay for me on a date, but it was smooth and not awkward, her dad was rich so she had a ton of cash, I didn't wanna abuse that so we agreed to get a plate of sushi and share 🙂

[Blessed2]

@Faith If a woman asked a man out, and couldn't buy him a dinner, would you think she is "pathetic"?

 

You're saying kind of assholey things. Every person is unique. Every date is unique.

 

It sounds to me what you mean by "chivalry being dead" is a bunch of old norms being left behind. Literally the term "chivalry". The world is very different today. It's not just knights and princesses. If I were to go out with someone and paid everything, it would just be awkward. Cause the gender dynamic has changed. We both agreed to go on a date, it's not another's job to make the date. We're in it together.

 

And even what "a date" is, is not so fixed anymore. IME it's more like just friends hanging out and seeing how they like each other. That there is marriage and children involved isn't the only assumption. It might also lead to friendship you know. Going for a conservative date of dinner & movie where the other pays everything is kind of a quirky exotic experience nowadays. Pretty much no-one does that anymore. That would be just awkward with a Tinder date.

 

Everything is way more fluid and flowing today. At least in my experience, where I'm from, in my age group.

Edited September 25, 2022 by Blessed2

[Faith]

@Blessed2 thanks for hiding your reply prior to this last one, but I still read it and I don't appreciate it. 

 

Also, saying "asshole(y)" is name calling dressed up. 

 

 I'm going to lock my thread. 

[Phil]

#justbuyheracoat!