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Before I started taking enlightenment work seriously around 2017 I had a huge delay in almost everything material related compared to my "peers" 

This is one of the reasons I pursued this work so ardently, I basically believed that anyone who had something going on was enlightened in some way for that thing to work, since I always saw beyond people's justifications on how things worked out for them: basically people take credit for good things and disown the bad results while I saw that everything is context, everything is God's will... So with that in mind I decided to go for full enlightenment first and foremost in order to manifest this dream the way I always intuited it can be.

Fast forward to now, after all the ego deaths and consciousness exapnsion to include everything and all that good stuff, I (ego me) turned out to be the ultimate loser, if anything I feel that pure consciousness aside, I am worst off than the place I started, and I feel way too bitter and broken about it, to the point where I feel like no matter what happens, "this" cannot even be recontextualized... I'm afraid I wont ever turn out to be happy, content, or winning.

I am full of bitterness, apathy, desires for revenge... and all the consciousness I used to tap into is now fully gone, it's just ego, I understand now what "devil" means, what falling from grace is all about.

BUT, knowing things in the way I do now, I know that this too IS God, but I just can't grow from it, I'm also too conscious to just go back into "ordinary existance" and climb my way up the ordinary way, so what I basically concluded after all the pain is that existance (for me) is me realizing that the universe exists for me to fulfill my ego's desires, but for that to happen I literally need a miracle, the question is now how would one go about that?

How would one manifest a miracle for the greater good of one's ego? 

This inquiry may seem like a joke to many people here who believe that this is all unspiritual and that I'm full of shit, but it is what it is.

To me, Ego, Self, God and Consciousness are (still) synonimous and I can't differentiate between the them. So I believe it is a geniune desire of god to win through little limited me; OR; It is my geniune desire to win THE WAY I WANNA WIN in order to fall back in love with existance.

Can this be done? Deep down I know it can totally be done, and sometimes I even intuit that it's EASY, but from the limited place I am in, it feels like it's too much to carry and I just go into lethargy blaming myself (as God) 

How does one go about reversing this basically? has anyone dealt with this?

 

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What comes to mind... unknowing. Perhaps, via daily morning meditation, can start a dream board.

It's all one, if it's one it can't be any other way since any other way implies two but it's one. May sound strange, right? Anyway, it's all good now, because not two. 😄

It's all about seeing the source of thinking clearly.

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For me Enlightenment is ordanairy existence, it is to break out of all of the unconcious beliefs and be Here. 

It is a miracle to be, the more you remain Here the more it is felt, Love, it isn't anywhere but Here. 

None of the concepts are You, realizing what you are not is the same as realizing what you are. That is how you differentiate. When people do mindfulness mediation they are essentially channeling this differentiation so they can drop the conceptual self and be with What Is.

🤍🧠👀

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On 3/17/2022 at 2:56 PM, MeditatingGod said:

Can this be done? Deep down I know it can totally be done, and sometimes I even intuit that it's EASY, but from the limited place I am in, it feels like it's too much to carry and I just go into lethargy blaming myself (as God) 

How does one go about reversing this basically? has anyone dealt with this?

Doubt, in regard to what can be, can sometimes seem justified by thoughts about a past. As in, “I am justified in doubting what my future can be, because of my past”. Then, it can seem as if one is “in” a limited “place”. 

But this is the ‘separate self’ of thoughts. The thoughts about the ‘one’ with a ‘past’.

There isn’t an experience of a separate self, of that ‘one’. There is an experience of the thoughts about. (Aka, “self” referential thoughts).  

There isn’t an experience of a past, only of the thoughts about. 

This is the ‘self’ referential ‘thought story’. The weight, discord, and doubt, which can be seen, and seen through, and dispelled. 

The willingness to recognize this, is liberation, is presence, is love, and is effortless. It is the allowing of well being, of intrinsic betterment, of reality - of the love you truly are. As you say, ‘easy’. One can always bring attention to perception and feeling, noticing, one is always here-now… and it is only arising thoughts which imply otherwise. As it is always now, this can always be done. 

Without the thought story, all is possible, now. Better feeling thoughts naturally arise when discordant thoughts are seen for what they are, discordant thoughts. 

Expression may or may not play a significant role. The emotional scale is exceptionally useful in this regard, as it essentially walks one through letting go, thus feeling contentment… and then more aligned feeling thoughts naturally arise, and the emotions higher on the scale are felt.

At the top of the scale (love) it is as if love has allowed the thought story, or thought loop, to play out… then ‘arriving’ right back at oneself so to speak, love. 

Trying to skip to the higher emotions doesn’t typically ‘work’, just like trying to feel better without expressing / letting a belief or some discordant thoughts go, doesn’t typically ‘work’.  In using the scale, it is seen how doubt fits in with the other emotions, and how one creates doubt, and then doubt is seen through, seen for what it is… guidance in regard to the thoughts / thought story. 

The ‘carrying of the weight’, is actually the right-now repetition of believing the thoughts, or thought story. But doubt is an emotion, which is right-now guidance, in regard to, the thoughts. 

If one willingly receives the guidance, one thus recognizes, ‘yeah, some of these thoughts just simply don’t feel good’. 

What is really desired, is feeling good (Goodness). Inspired therein, all is possible. 

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