Being in the self

[James is here]

I was listening to the Power of Now and I had some writing from Phil a few days ago that said to look at discordant thoughts. From that I had this realisation that I have been trying to intellectualise Enlightenment. I have been trying to understand it intellectually and that doesn't seem to work. All that comes up is paradoxes. When I look at this topic from the perspective of the mind I see separation everywhere. But there seems to be this other reality which I have missed up until the last few days of my life. It is that what I have been looking for is already here and now. All the years of work seems to have brought me to a place where I seem to be able to let go. I can relax and release or sit with what is and it's beautiful. The big 'E' is still out there conceptually but I really don't know about that. But I can be. I can be and when I do that I see the Being in the self. I see everywhere in the nowhere and it's love. I hope to carry on with this realisation and I'd like to journal about what I find. 

[Phil]

😌

[Phil]

Solipsism is an ism, a belief, the activity of thought. As you pointed to, there is a prior belief in a ‘thinker’, ‘thinking’. 

 

Just a slight change… Is there any thing outside of this experience. 

Are there things inside of ‘this experience’?

Is experience a thing?

Is there ‘the other experience’… by which this experienced is ‘carved out’, determined to be a thing… this thing?

 

Is perception a thing, such that it could be my thing, or my perception?

 

Before there can be an experience of people who are lying or deluded, there must be the arising and believed thought, that there are people, as, things. 

 

4 hours ago, James is here said:

Wherever I look in the mind I uncover duality.

👍🏻 

4 hours ago, James is here said:

But when I just sit with experience, then it tells a different story. It's lighter, freer. Maybe I don't need to understand.

👍🏻 

Maybe “I” is a thought, which arises, and this is no problem. But maybe when the thought is believed, there is a belief that “I” is a separate thing. Is what is aware of the thought, “I”, found to be a thing? 

Is there a border of awareness? Where does awareness begin, where does awareness end?

Where is the ‘inside’ of awareness? Where is the ‘outside’?

4 hours ago, James is here said:

Maybe I can leave that for God or the Dao or the Way. I don't know. I don't have the answers but I can hold it lightly and walk lightly, act lightly, speak lightly and be lightly. I think of it as 'loosening the grip'.

When the thought “I” is believed, such that the underlying belief is “I am / I is… a thing… a separate thing”… then the thought arises of ‘this other thing’… God, the Dao, or the Way. What if The Way, is cessation of, believing the thoughts, that there are, things?

Therein, it would not be believed that “I” am a separate thing. 

4 hours ago, James is here said:

Letting go is hard, but I can loosen my grip on the mind and the body and I can see what truths lie there.

😌

 

Just for the fun of it… hold your left hand up, with the palm facing up. Really look & notice there is no thing in your hand.

 

Then imagine, of nothing more than the empty space of the room, of pure ineffable magic… a snow globe appears in your hand. Notice, it would now seem as if there is an inside & an outside, of the snow globe. And it would seem like you’re on the “outside” of the snow globe. 

 

That’d be pretty cool. Manifesting stuff like snow globes right our of thin air. Pretty awesome.

 

But wouldn’t it be way cooler if you could experience the snow globe, as if you were on the “inside”? Like, actually be in that “world”. Now that would be fucking mind blowing wouldn’t it!?

 

Now hold up your right hand, with the palm facing up. Notice that it is empty. Imagine, again, from the emptiness of the room… a sphere appears in your right hand. Imagine when you look at the sphere, it totally seems like you’re inside that snow globe. 

 

And as they say brother… here we are.

🍻 

 

 

 

 

[Phil]

5 hours ago, James is here said:

I have been thinking about a concentration practice. Is there anything that you would recommend?

Clarification via direct experience.

Perception, as in… seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling. 

Awareness is directly aware of; thought, perception, and sensation.

Thoughts arise about perception & sensation. 

Thoughts are believable. As in, can be believed, and also don’t have to be believed. 

None of the thoughts actually define perception or sensation…

Because awareness is directly aware of; thought, perception, and sensation.

5 hours ago, James is here said:

How do you meditate? Do you meditate?

Vibrationally, as what’s being pointed to as “perception”. 

5 hours ago, James is here said:

I'm going to spend more time thinking about this stuff, it's so fucking cool. 

🤔

Maybe go for a walk & melt into perception and sensation. 🫠 Allow being in love. 

[Mandy]

☺️❤️

 I quit caffeine in January, love how I feel. 

[Mandy]

@James is here We don't have the same inhibitions when we are drunk around other people because thought slows down. But we also don't see how we are creating patterns of thought that result in the feeling of being uneasy or feeling downright awful around others. What are the thoughts that being around people activates in you that feel discordant? An introvert will often blame other people for being the source of his discord. 

 

In other words, this is a powerful realization... 👏

1 hour ago, James is here said:

I'm an extrovert living in an introverts mind. I love talking to people but my mind really dislikes talking to people.

It's not us, just the thoughts. You ARE worthy of feeling loved, of how you want to feel, whether there are people around or not. 

[Phil]

On 7/5/2022 at 7:07 AM, James is here said:

God does give me help, I just am never sure what to do with it. 

Allow more & more of it. God illuminates, and that reveals & clarifies, allows the ‘seeing through’, which obliterates the depression revealing discord, and then obliterates the discord with clarity. 

On 7/5/2022 at 7:07 AM, James is here said:

I go from practice to practice because for a few hours or days I feel better and then the pain comes back. I then get depressed and then try another practice and I am forever doing that. 

Only if it’s helpful… I realized a distinction between pain & suffering which set me free in a big way. Pain I found to be localized in the body, like I could physically point to it to tell a doctor where the pain is. When I couldn’t point to it, I found it to be suffering… the discord between so to speak… my perspective & God’s perspective. I experienced severe depression as well. It was resolved with meditation which allowed thought to clear, and then using the emotional scale instead of sort of leaving it at ‘depression’. Then I began to learn there was discordant thoughts and aligned thoughts, and it took time but therein the depression was resolved by expression. ‘It’ never ‘came back’ so to speak, because it became clear how I was feeling had a lot to do with what thoughts I was believing or focusing on. Went through a short period of ‘blaming myself’ for feeling the discord too, but then it was realized that was still the same thing, focusing on thoughts that didn’t resonate, or, weren’t aligned. 

[Phil]

@James is here

Beautiful man, really beautiful. 🙏 

[Phil]

Beautiful. 

[Phil]

@James is here

This comes to mind. 

 

You are innocence. You do not deserve to feel shame. It is not your fault. Conditioning inspected is conditioning dispelled. The pain that lingers is of the reoccurrence of the belief / interpretation now, not per se of what happened in a past.  You’re doing great here expression wise. I hope the core belief is recognized and dispelled soon, and the love that you are shines even more brightly. 

[Mandy]

❤️

[Mandy]

@James is here Hey James, I don't think anyone here would block you for what you wrote. None of this is against the guidelines, so if you're worried about that, don't be. ❤️ This is exactly what journaling is for. This is also a great time to apply the emotional scale. Telling a story can be a relief when we see that people don't think nearly as much of it, or judge us for it like we do. Or it can tell ourselves the story and add to the weight we feel instead. Journaling is your superpower when you go in the direction of lightening that weight. As always, you can tell by how you feel. 

 

Right now.

 

 Right now. 

 

The only thing that matters is feeling better. Put that first. Use the scale. Is this fear? Worry? Discouragement? What if each thought you're focusing on right now, is ALL there is to this? And what if you know by how that thought feels whether it's going in the direction of all you want, or moving away from it. 

 

What DO you want? When we write what we don't want, we can review it and switch to what we do want. When we do that we see that the essence of it is now. When you are ready, try flipping the script and writing and affirming what you do want. 

 

"I want to feel safe. I love being sober. I love eating healthy foods, I love taking care of my body. I love the way I feel in my body. I am supported, and have people who love me. They want the best for me. "

 

WHY do you want enlightenment? How do you think it would feel? What if feeling better, now, was all there was because enlightenment is only ever the eternal now? 

 

When I was a kid I had this conversation with my Mom that I still remember. She said that when she was a kid she used to get SO scared and be sure something was coming to murder her that she couldn't sleep at night, and then eventually she would get SO tired that she just didn't care if whatever it was got her, she just wanted to sleep. That was it. Sleep has a way of calling us home, and Home is always calling you. It's not death, it's not dramatic, it's as simple as taking a belly breath. It's as simple as noticing when we are cutting ourselves off from source and forget to drink enough water during the day, or breathe deep breaths. It's as simple as letting go of an anxious thought and taking a breath on the way to do something that we want to do but that scares us a little bit. You don't have to get too far from Source it to go to it. Thus, the scale, meditation, letting go of the thought. It's really such a miniscule thing. But when you go in the direction of THAT, you know. It's minuscule and it's utterly powerful. It's a quantum leap and NOTHING happens. 

 

There is NO fear that is truly validated sweetie. None whatsoever. Because fear feels bad, is the guidance that it is not ever validated by Source. You don't need others to validate your fear. You and only you, whether it's real or not, whether the house is on fire, or the smoke detectors is false alarm beeping, validate your fear. If there IS action that needs to be done, pure alertness, pure awareness knows exactly what to do. Fear only EVER gets in the way. You deserve, you truly are without fear. 

 

 

[Mandy]

2 hours ago, James is here said:

 For me, the emotion that I have as an identity is shame, which I believe is a form of fear. 

You can't have an emotion as an identity, just like what the speedometer reads at any given moment is not the make/model of my car. Insecurity and guilt is one step above fear on the emotional scale. Expressing jealousy might be key. But if you're perpetually guilting yourself you can't take that step up, exactly because you believe it will only result in more guilt. Doing this for yourself but bring about a huge relief. Don't look back. The journal/through writing is a safe place to do it. Let yourself express, and allow yourself safe places to do it. And don't guilt yourself after. Move UP the scale. Up, up, up.

 

 

2 hours ago, James is here said:

My Grandmother's sister died from alcoholism and I have a drinking problem. I haven't had a drink for over two years now.

That's amazing. How can you say "you have" a drinking problem if you haven't had a drink in two years. Sounds more like a successful recovery to me. I think almost everyone has alcoholism in their family. Disease and addiction are attracted, sometimes families hold the same crappy belief patterns and so they attract the same problems. But we be all unraveling those in style. 

3 hours ago, James is here said:

I guess you related to the emotions if not the situation I described.

All there really is IS the emotions, ever.

3 hours ago, James is here said:

 Your message was great. I get a lot of things on some intuitive level even if I don't understand it intellectually. 

❤️ Intuitive/feeling. There you go. Don't look back.

[Phil]

Absolute innocence is aware of thoughts. 

🤗 much love my friend. 

[Phil]

Transmute via attitude. 

 

 

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes,
than what others think or say or do.

It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.
It will make or break a company… a church… a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding
the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past… we cannot change the
fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
And so it is with you…
we are in charge of our attitudes.

Charles Swindoll

 

Let the feeling of alignment by the why and letting go of, no longer repeating what doesn’t resonate be the how.

 

 

[Mandy]

2 hours ago, James is here said:

 I was supposed to go into college today but one of the students freaks me the fuck out. He acts and says things like how I do and he seems to do it in this gentle, soft, measured way that sends my mind into a shame spiral.

Look at the scale again. 

You are moving up the scale to express jealousy, hatred, anger. Don't personally credit this person for doing this "to you", he likely has absolutely no idea that this is how you're interpreting it, this is just being shown to you. Focus on the emotion, not the circumstance. Don't avoid school and don't avoid the emotion either. Appreciate this guy for being the angel mirror he is for letting you see this. Not a mirror of James but a mirror of emotion. This is really, really good. Things are working out for you. 

[Phil]

@James is here

Hang in their brother. 🤍

Thoughts do tend to persist until they are inspected and experienced as thoughts, without believing the content. 

For what it’s worth, God’s not judging you or expecting anything at all from you. 

God’s just loving you without condition. 

[Mandy]

6 hours ago, James is here said:

I am enjoying doing mantra meditation. I was feeling pretty rough these last few days and it's something positive to focus on. I get glimpses as well while I am doing it where I see beyond identity and that I am just simply that which is aware, whatever that is. I can see through identity but the thoughts persist. I realised something to do in addition to mantra meditation which is to relax. Just relax my shoulders and the muscles around my chest and arms and feel the looseness. I did that and I started to feel better while I was meditating. Thanks for your messages. I feel a lot better knowing I can just be honest without the fear of being rejected. 

❤️🤗😌

[Phil]

23 hours ago, James is here said:

@Phil Hi Phil,  I want to try what you have recommended about looking at thoughts. Can you please explain your method?

 

One method when a thought doesn’t feel good is just considering the opposite, better feeling thought. 

 

Byron Katie’s method is really great…

 

And there is also awareness of the transience of thoughts meditation…

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/awareness-of-thoughts

 

And using the emotional scale to ‘reach for’ a better feeling thought via expression…

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/the-emotional-scale

 

The point is for how you feel… 

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/aligning-thought-with-feeling

 

Much love 🙏 

[Phil]

@James is here

Yes. Very much. It’s all about clarity… inspecting & dispelling discordant beliefs.