Blessed2 Posted May 22, 2022 Share Posted May 22, 2022 Everything was going quite well. But now I'm feeling bad. Really don't see a way how anything could feel better. Future seems shit. I've tried so many things. Maybe I don't have what it takes. I'm disgusted about myself. I'm disgusted about the thoughts that appear. So tired of trying to feel better. Fuck I'm really so tired of this. I can't do this anymore. I have to find a way. I fucking hate the way I am and the way I think. I can't focus. Maybe I have ADD or something, but I don't want a damn diagnosis or pills. I'm so tired all the time. I don't have energy for anything. Can't keep the house clean. Can't enjoy simple things. I'm tired of literally just from existing and doing nothing. Yeah I know, meditate, eat clean, exercise... I would have done that years ago if I had what it takes, but I don't. I'm too lazy, too tired. Each time I hear someone say that I need to do those things, I feel even worse. Doing pushups or running really just makes me feel like shit and eventually I'll just be disappointed because I fail that too. It's so unfair. Yeah, would be cool to enjoy stuff like nature or playing music etc. But I don't. It's easy for people who like that stuff. But I don't have anything I'm really passionate about or anything that I'm really interested about. Makes me think there's something wrong with me, that I'm simply not a fit for this world. Nothing here excites me. Everything really seems more like a disappointment and a let-down. It's fucking boring and disappointing. Disgusting. I washed everything off the dreamboard a few days ago and started filling it up again, because I noticed it really does seem to work and I could have anything. Though as I tried to find things I'd really like to have, nothing really came up. I don't even want anything!?!? I could have anything in this world and nothing comes up?? WTF? What is wrong with me? Am I really just broken or something? How am I supposed to enjoy creation and creating if I nothing exciting or enjoyable even comes to mind?!? Fuck this, who decided to make me go through this horrible nonsense? Quote Mention Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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