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Mommy issues


Kevin

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I’m currently very overwhelmed with this emotional quandary. I really don’t like being around my mom and I don’t like talking to her. I stopped talking to her completely for a period of time when I was 14 or 15 and things had already been bad for years by that point. I eventually started talking to her again later in high school over the phone and then in person at some point but I’ve never felt comfortable around her and I don’t enjoy being around her.

 

I’ve been really going inward more lately and I realize I’m mostly still talking to her because I feel guilty cutting contact. Also I have this idea that you shouldn’t just run away from uncomfortable situations. And maybe there’s a lot of meat on the bone here in terms of spiritual healing that I wouldn’t get if I just run and cut contact. I would also feel guilty but I’m so confused. I really don’t like her and whenever I’m around her or talking to her I feel super uncomfortable and I feel like I have to act and play a roll around her.
 

And even though I think cutting her off is probably not the right move, I feel like I’m suppressing myself. And all these years I’ve been shoving it down and pretending things are ok and I’m fine with her when I’m not. And now that I’m connecting with myself I realize that I don’t like her and I’ve been just telling myself to get over it. So yeah I’m very overwhelmed and confused.

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In a similar situation. I think we are pretty alike 😂

 

My mom tried to steal 100s of dollars from me, she stole from me. And she tried to gaslight me and hosts events for young members of her christian church and she MENTORS them!!! 😂

 

Very grateful for it though, ive learned to see through bullshit. I ended up moving out so i dont deal with that nonsense anymore. To this day she still tries to rub her beliefs in my face!

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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5 minutes ago, Orb said:

My mom tried to steal 100s of dollars from me, she stole from me. And she tried to gaslight me and hosts events for young members of her christian church and she MENTORS them!!! 😂

 

Very grateful for it though, ive learned to see through bullshit. I ended up moving out so i dont deal with that nonsense anymore. To this day she still tries to rub her beliefs in my face!

lmao that's funny af, I wouldn't be so mad about it 

  

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13 minutes ago, Isagi Yoichi said:

lmao that's funny af, I wouldn't be so mad about it 

Yea man im sure youd be laughing up a storm! 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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8 minutes ago, Isagi Yoichi said:

 

Yeah you can go to that church fuck with those members and annoy them lmao 

No need to do stuff like that. If you dont believe in something you also have no need to fight them or make them not believe. 

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

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20 hours ago, Phil said:

@Kevin
What is everything you don’t like about her? Could be one sentence or 10 pages and it’s totally fine either way, but what don’t you like about her?

Idk entirely because it doesn’t seem entirely rational. But yeah I think she’s stupid and is incapable of seeing things from any other perspective at all. Like for me I have my opinions and my way of doing things but I think I can put myself in other people’s shoes pretty effectively most of the time. My mom seems totally incapable of doing that at all. Which really pisses me off because when I’m trying to get her to understand something, I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall.

 

Also when you’re a little kid you look up to your parents and I guess I’m just so disillusioned by my mom.

 

Also I think she’s manipulative. I’ve probably only been mean to her twice in my life but then she gets all sad. She’s definitely been mean to me more than 2 times and those were all happening when I was little. When I got big enough and independent enough she stopped.

 

I guess I experience fear anger and disgust when I’m around her. So naturally I don’t want to be around her. But then I feel guilt. And then also it seems like there’s a lot of meat on the bone here in terms of spirituality. I’ve been meditating a lot lately and for example this morning I’m sitting in my house and meditating and all this anger and fear is arising.

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21 hours ago, Orb said:

In a similar situation. I think we are pretty alike 😂

 

My mom tried to steal 100s of dollars from me, she stole from me. And she tried to gaslight me and hosts events for young members of her christian church and she MENTORS them!!! 😂

 

Very grateful for it though, ive learned to see through bullshit. I ended up moving out so i dont deal with that nonsense anymore. To this day she still tries to rub her beliefs in my face!

That’s tough but it’s cool you’ve found some independence by moving out. It sounds like you’re not religious and she is. Does she try and convert you?

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2 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

What are you trying to get her to understand?

 

Im not quite sure that’s how disillusionment works. 

When I was a kid my sister would attack me. My mom would blame me every time. One such incident occurred in public and everyone was shocked because it looked absolutely in insane and as usual my mom just let it happen which looks insane obviously. Basically for years I would try and talk to my mom about it and explain that this is not normal and she needs to put a stop to it. She would just brush me off and ignore what I was saying and blame me. I was always shocked that at around 8 or 9 years old I could see this was insane but she thought it was normal. So I guess back then I was trying to get her to understand that. Also I was disillusioned eventually because I realized my mom is retarded and isn’t a good mom. The disillusionment was tough because every young child thinks their mom is the best mom.

 

Now I think that’s turned into me wanted to correct my mom every time she says something stupid. I usually hold back. But sometimes I just have to interject but it basically goes in one ear and out the other.

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19 minutes ago, Kevin said:

When I was a kid my sister would attack me. My mom would blame me every time. One such incident occurred in public and everyone was shocked because it looked absolutely in insane and as usual my mom just let it happen which looks insane obviously. Basically for years I would try and talk to my mom about it and explain that this is not normal and she needs to put a stop to it. She would just brush me off and ignore what I was saying and blame me. I was always shocked that at around 8 or 9 years old I could see this was insane but she thought it was normal. So I guess back then I was trying to get her to understand that. Also I was disillusioned eventually because I realized my mom is retarded and isn’t a good mom. The disillusionment was tough because every young child thinks their mom is the best mom.

 

Now I think that’s turned into me wanted to correct my mom every time she says something stupid. I usually hold back. But sometimes I just have to interject but it basically goes in one ear and out the other.

You parents are always the best parents for you because they have what you wanted to learn, even if they don't directly teach it to you, with them being the teacher because they don't have to be conscious of it themselves. They still the reflect the lesson just the same, as does everything that is attracted. The first intuition is right, you have the best mom. Why the choice of the word "retarded"? What does the word retarded really mean? What does she say that is stupid? Some examples?

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14 minutes ago, Mandy said:

You parents are always the best parents for you because they have what you wanted to learn, even if they don't directly teach it to you, with them being the teacher because they don't have to be conscious of it themselves. They still the reflect the lesson just the same, as does everything that is attracted. The first intuition is right, you have the best mom. Why the choice of the word "retarded"? What does the word retarded really mean? What does she say that is stupid? Some examples?

I used the word retarded because my emotions are heightened and it’s a strong word. Also I think it’s a kind of willful ignorance. I can present her with new information and it’s like she doesn’t even hear what I’m saying.

 

Currently she’ll send me dumb news articles and even worse, opinion pieces. It’s hard to think of examples currently cuz I haven’t talked to her in a while. The most egregious example I can think of was a few months after the Oct 7th attack I got in an argument with her because she was justifying it and when I asked her what she thought about all the rapes and if those were justified she told me that no one got raped on Oct 7.

 

To be honest I think it only makes me really angry because it reminds of when I was a kid. I’d be telling her it’s not right that my sister attacks me and I get blamed for it, and she’d just ignore me.

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52 minutes ago, Kevin said:

When I was a kid my sister would attack me. My mom would blame me every time. One such incident occurred in public and everyone was shocked because it looked absolutely in insane and as usual my mom just let it happen which looks insane obviously. Basically for years I would try and talk to my mom about it and explain that this is not normal and she needs to put a stop to it. She would just brush me off and ignore what I was saying and blame me. I was always shocked that at around 8 or 9 years old I could see this was insane but she thought it was normal. So I guess back then I was trying to get her to understand that. Also I was disillusioned eventually because I realized my mom is retarded and isn’t a good mom.

Sounds a lot like disappointment followed by overwhelment.  

 

52 minutes ago, Kevin said:

The disillusionment was tough because every young child thinks their mom is the best mom.

Yeah. Comparative thoughts are tricky and kind of a recipe for disappointment. I like to put a spin on it, like telling my wife almost everyday she truly is the best wife ever. 

 

52 minutes ago, Kevin said:

 

Now I think that’s turned into me wanted to correct my mom every time she says something stupid. I usually hold back. But sometimes I just have to interject but it basically goes in one ear and out the other.

I can imagine how challenging it would be to be right and experience everyone else as stupid & retarded. That no one listens would surely only compound the weight of bearing that and likely intensify the inner loneliness or ‘pinched-off-ness’. Overwhelment for sure. 😅 

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38 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I used the word retarded because my emotions are heightened and it’s a strong word. Also I think it’s a kind of willful ignorance. I can present her with new information and it’s like she doesn’t even hear what I’m saying.

 

Currently she’ll send me dumb news articles and even worse, opinion pieces. It’s hard to think of examples currently cuz I haven’t talked to her in a while. The most egregious example I can think of was a few months after the Oct 7th attack I got in an argument with her because she was justifying it and when I asked her what she thought about all the rapes and if those were justified she told me that no one got raped on Oct 7.

 

To be honest I think it only makes me really angry because it reminds of when I was a kid. I’d be telling her it’s not right that my sister attacks me and I get blamed for it, and she’d just ignore me.

What do you talk about other than political or world issues? Have you ever told her you don't like getting articles and opinion pieces or discussing these sort of things with her? 

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23 minutes ago, Phil said:

Sounds a lot like disappointment followed by overwhelment.  


 

Yes 100%.

23 minutes ago, Phil said:

Yeah. Comparative thoughts are tricky and kind of a recipe for disappointment. I like to put a spin on it, like telling my wife almost everyday she truly is the best wife ever. 


 

I’m happy for you. You picked your wife. I didn’t pick my mom. Given the choice I wouldn’t pick my mom.

23 minutes ago, Phil said:

I can imagine how challenging it would be to be right and experience everyone else as stupid & retarded. That no one listens would surely only compound the weight of bearing that and likely intensify the inner loneliness or ‘pinched-off-ness’. Overwhelment for sure. 😅 

I don’t think you mean it this way but I feel attacked. Also I don’t agree with your framing of the issue. This is entirely a me in relation to my mom issue. And it’s far more of an issue of not being listened to, respected, or understood by my own mother.

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Just now, Mandy said:

What do you talk about other than political or world issues? Have you ever told her you don't like getting articles and opinion pieces or discussing these sort of things with her? 

Idk I can’t think of anything else. I sort of told her yesterday over text but I was kind of rude about it.

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2 hours ago, Kevin said:

That’s tough but it’s cool you’ve found some independence by moving out. It sounds like you’re not religious and she is. Does she try and convert you?

Yes many many many times!

"Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless."

A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture

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1 hour ago, Kevin said:

Currently she’ll send me dumb news articles and even worse, opinion pieces. It’s hard to think of examples currently cuz I haven’t talked to her in a while. The most egregious example I can think of was a few months after the Oct 7th attack I got in an argument with her because she was justifying it and when I asked her what she thought about all the rapes and if those were justified she told me that no one got raped on Oct 7.

 

 

LMAO so that's why she is not a terrorist , you want her to be one, nice projection bro we know who is the retarded now keep going

Edited by Isagi Yoichi

  

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