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I Imagine I Would Be Happier If I Helped People, So Why Do I Not?


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I thought of volunteering and helping young people with unstable homes as a tutor or mentor, through an organization called “Home For Little Wanderers”

 

I actually sent them an email but no reply, and called one of their numbers once but no answer. 

 

I could go over there and show up in person to check it out and offer help, but I never did.

 

I have a coaching certification, and could see myself helping others through coaching, but that is like a business and you got to really put yourself out there to get clients and how do I know I am qualified to tell people to pay me money to coach them, and offering it for free is also a lot of work and I don’t even think people would take me/it seriously if I did that. I Don’t know, something turns me off from putting in effort here. Maybe I just want things to be simpler, like why can’t I just help people by being me? Maybe? I don’t know, could be a cop-out.

 

I look at other people who help others and think their lives are probably more enjoyable because of it. 

 

So why do I not put in much effort for it?

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Other than overlooking doubt is felt, and believing the happiness you are could be in a future which isn’t, nor contains “higher amounts or levels” of the present - what’s truly stopping you from simply showing up and helping as yourself, happiness?

 

Is there even truly any demand for conditional happiness ‘out there’, based on an imaged sep self that will be ‘happier’ if ‘it does’ the ‘right things’? 

 

Is the cart, happiness, ever actually ahead of the horse, thoughts? When it seems it is, there can seem to be a heaviness, a weighty burden. 

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18 hours ago, Bob Seeker said:

I could go over there and show up in person to check it out and offer help, but I never did.

 

What thoughts and emotions come up from considering that you'd show up tomorrow?

 

I am the playful and ever-present Source, joyfully embracing every thought and emotion as part of my perfect, unfolding co-creative dream.

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On 10/4/2024 at 9:33 AM, Phil said:

what’s truly stopping you from simply showing up and helping as yourself, happiness?

Probably that I am pretty shy, used to be extremely shy, and have tended to avoid approaching social situations that I’m not already comfortable with. I might be afraid that I won’t fit in or will be useless. -But the fact that I haven’t pushed this aside and did it anyway means I am not actually that motivated to do it, which makes me think maybe I wanted to do it just to end my self-comparison thoughts.

 

I have been for a number of months been compulsively comparing myself to my doctor, who I see as lively, happy, purposeful, has a meaningful career, a nice family, likes life, successful, confident, etc. I am lucky if I go 2-3 minutes without some comparative thought to her or thought of her judging my value. It doesn’t matter about her or how her life actually is, I am just using her to project my insecurities or belief in lack onto her. This is the worst part of my life right now. 

 

Ever since middle school where my self-consciousness shot to a new level I have compulsively imagined that someone I wanted to impress, either cool classmates or most often a pretty girl I knew of, could see and was evaluating/judging everything I did and said. Luckily this is less the case now, but what is really getting me now is just straight comparison thoughts, again, compulsively focused on a specific other. 

 

No idea how to stop this or who I would even be without it. Only during brief windows of “spiritual experiences” would I not be doing this.

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Posted (edited)
On 10/4/2024 at 11:26 AM, Mandy said:

What are you doing now for work?

I am working 3 days/week at a shipping company, in a warehouse setting. It is just me and the boss. He started the company. I am building crates and boxes and shipping items, or moving them. “He reminds me a too much of my dad” is a thought I’ve had.

 

This felt like a nightmare to me, especially at first. I started there full-time and then after a few months I got Leukemia ( I apparently didn’t know how to feel emotions and had years of rage in my literal cells?) and was often hoping I would leave this Earth before I lost my mind. I was out for 8 months and now I have been back for a few months but only part-time. It was still a nightmare for me when I came back but with the emotional scale I have overcome a lot of my fear and insecurities around this over the past month+. 

 

Now I am more proactive and I helped hire a guy who will be starting with me on Monday, and I started selling items that my boss gives me on eBay, so things have been improving. I am part-time because even though I feel recovered, I don’t want to be spending all my time in a warehouse busting my butt, I want to have time to work on myself (because living without working on myself seems irrelevant to my agenda), and I want time to enjoy life/explore other things. 

 

I am still haunted by thoughts of comparison telling me my life is worthless and lame compared to others, like my doctor (see above post), but I am religiously using the scale at work to try and mitigate this. 

 

Of course I’ve thought of getting a more fitting job but I don’t know what I would do. I can’t tell if I am defeating myself about not being able to leave, or if I am trying to put myself through the crucible and face my demons, believing this actually serves me. Or maybe I am trying to pass on good to get to great and feel like a greater opportunity will open up. This could require me being at work more, but I won’t know until I get there.

 

My boss offered me to take over more responsibility and basically run the business and in a few years be making $100k+, but I told him “If I were to commit myself to something for the next 5-7 years it would be something I am more passionate about, like philosophy or psychology.” Yet I know that this job has financial opportunity even if it isn’t me in a managerial role. Some side-business stuff could com to us and I could hop on it. What I am most wanting is to be doing things I love. I don’t want a dull life (that’s loaded, I know).

 

I have a bachelor’s in psychology, which I got because I liked spirituality and personal growth and that was the closing thing I could think of after becoming disillusioned with a science career. 

 

I got a coaching certification after college, but I felt like a kid living at home with his parents during covid and no real inspiration except to go enjoy nature, eat good meals and dream/plan that I would “get womans?”,  or that psychedelics would fix/enlighten me. I just wanted to enter spiritual grace, but I sucked at meditation and I didn’t know how to feel emotions apparently.

 

Not that much has changed since then, except things got worse/more desperate, with some brighter patches here and there but I recently started using the scale a lot and I feel increasingly good, but I’m still not exactly sure where I’m headed. I’m sort of just trying to hang on and hoping LOA and dream board will pull me through, but I don’t ever know what is actually right for me.

 

I recently committed to 1 year of dream boarding and the scale before reassessing my path, because I can’t drive myself mad with indecision anymore. I need to follow a path so I don’t keep spinning my wheels and getting negative. I still think “wtf, I would probably be happier and compare myself to others less if my life wasn’t ALL ABOUT ME and the dream board sort of makes it ALL ABOUT ME and doesn’t push me to go out of my way for others or to try really hard to do something like start a coaching business, you know, “just do it”, but it is the best I’ve got right now, and I still don’t know how to feel without the scale, so I’m clinging to it. Luckily I actually think it works. Hoping it is enough.

Edited by Bob Seeker
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On 10/3/2024 at 10:46 PM, Bob Seeker said:

I have a coaching certification, and could see myself helping others through coaching, but that is like a business and you got to really put yourself out there to get clients and how do I know I am qualified to tell people to pay me money to coach them, and offering it for free is also a lot of work and I don’t even think people would take me/it seriously if I did that. I Don’t know, something turns me off from putting in effort here. Maybe I just want things to be simpler, like why can’t I just help people by being me? Maybe? I don’t know, could be a cop-out.

 

You have a desire to be a life coach, and you see volunteering in this organization as gaining some confidence or respect or validation for yourself, to then start a business - when you are qualified and validated. Yeah?

 

If so, it seems that there is actually a lot there for you - that it's all actually about you, and what you can gain.

 

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that per se, but if it's the case, then the focus will be on you... And the 'shyness' (or insecurity) makes more sense. You'd be in the spotlight. And not just insecurity, the entire body feeling heavy.

 

The heaviness of that whole ordeal of 'what's in it for me' might be turning you off from putting in effort.

 

 

This is a great thread btw. I'm experiencing kind of similar thoughts. I visited a food-aid place this week, and it was kind of fun, even though it was very different from what I expected. Like for example, no-one really gave a shit about me. No-one even asked my name. I'd like to volunteer again, though I'm a bit hesitant.

 

I am the playful and ever-present Source, joyfully embracing every thought and emotion as part of my perfect, unfolding co-creative dream.

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7 hours ago, Phil said:

@Bob Seeker

The key is being aware the thoughts are only experienced presently, which is what’s naturally unfolding already. 

So you seriously think I should not take any thought seriously?

 

Won’t I do stupid things or not do important things?

 

My goal is to have a higher experience of myself I think.

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Posted (edited)

@Blessed2 I agree that my thoughts are mostly about me here. Although I do like the idea of benefiting these people, it is not strong enough to outweigh my self-concern. Heck, I don’t even know these people, at least until I would know them.

 

I have the thought that dream boarding, being literally all about what I want, can take my attention off of what many people find helpful in life, which is focusing on living for others. Focusing on yourself isn’t always fun .Even if there aren’t literally “others”, focusing on benefiting apparent others is often more enjoyable than focusing on benefitting oneself.

 

I am trying to give this path a fair shot, but this is what I find frustrating about it sometimes. 

 

I could be just completely lost in my own mind here, or missing something. Idk yet.

 

But I’m often like “why trudge through every wrong thought and limiting belief my mind can possibly conjure about myself in the process of getting what I want when I could possibly skip all that by just focusing on others and largely forgetting about myself. As in, it’s easier to let go of those thoughts when you aren’t focused on yourself.

 

The emotional scale is great though, no complaints there. 

Edited by Bob Seeker
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6 hours ago, Bob Seeker said:

I have the thought that dream boarding, being literally all about what I want, can take my attention off of what many people find helpful in life, which is focusing on living for others. Focusing on yourself isn’t always fun .Even if there aren’t literally “others”, focusing on benefiting apparent others is often more enjoyable than focusing on benefitting oneself.

 

I don't know if focusing on myself is ever actually fun. 😁

 

I'm considering going even as far as fun = not focused on myself. 😂

 

If you want, try this. Next time you're sitting on a bus or a metro or just by some busy street where there's people walking by, take a look around and notice the people there. One person by one, wonder what their dreams and desires are, without judging any of the dreams and desires, and imagine them having their dreams fulfilled today, without doing anything, or being "worthy" or "good enough" for those things. As if against all "odds", they just stumble on their dreams today. Imagine how good they would feel, the excitement, appreciation, joy, empowerment, the ineffable inspiration and well-being.

 

It's a fun little game.

 

6 hours ago, Bob Seeker said:

But I’m often like “why trudge through every wrong thought and limiting belief my mind can possibly conjure about myself in the process of getting what I want when I could possibly skip all that by just focusing on others and largely forgetting about myself. As in, it’s easier to let go of those thoughts when you aren’t focused on yourself.

 

Continue contemplating on it along with meditation. I have similar attachment to thought. Take it easy! There's years of conditioning there. It will probably take a little while to see through it, but I bet we both will.

 

I am the playful and ever-present Source, joyfully embracing every thought and emotion as part of my perfect, unfolding co-creative dream.

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@Bob Seeker Are you not already helping people, including your boss at the current job? Why not appreciate what you already are doing, and allow it to expand? If you want to help people in a specific way, but that isn't what you're attracting, get more general about it and appreciate yourself for what you're doing. 3 days a week sounds like the perfect situation and foundation to start something new. Maybe this organization isn't the right one, but you'll be drawn to something else. 

 

People don't actually want to be helped, or seen as one who is need of help or needing someone to give them a leg up. They want to be inspired synergistically with one another, in perfect timing. This is all sales, all relationships, business or otherwise. There's no martyr, no sacrifice. When you are "selfish" enough to be inspired, to put how you feel first, you cannot help but inspire others to do the same. You might not even notice that you are doing it. 

 Youtube Channel  

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20 hours ago, Bob Seeker said:

My boss offered me to take over more responsibility and basically run the business and in a few years be making $100k+, but I told him “If I were to commit myself to something for the next 5-7 years it would be something I am more passionate about, like philosophy or psychology.” Yet I know that this job has financial opportunity even if it isn’t me in a managerial role. Some side-business stuff could com to us and I could hop on it. What I am most wanting is to be doing things I love. I don’t want a dull life (that’s loaded, I know).

Maybe that needs to be cleared up then, because the Universe doesn't hear the "not", as there's no exclusion. It's the cosmic joke. If there aren't separate selves, how can there be dull lives? Isn't dullness judgment and comparison? Like darkness allows the pupils in the eyes to relax and enlarge, lack of stimulating stuff happening allows you to perceive what isn't normally noticed. We sometimes call this meditation. 

 Youtube Channel  

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10 hours ago, Bob Seeker said:

So you seriously think I should not take any thought seriously?

 

Won’t I do stupid things or not do important things?

 

My goal is to have a higher experience of myself I think.

Thoughts - like clouds - appear, pass by, and disappear. 

Are clouds about the sky?

Should the sky take clouds seriously?

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Posted (edited)
On 10/6/2024 at 6:36 AM, Blessed2 said:

 

Continue contemplating on it along with meditation. I have similar attachment to thought. Take it easy! There's years of conditioning there. It will probably take a little while to see through it, but I bet we both will.

 

Thanks for the tips. Yeah, self thoughts are just discordant, you are right.

 

About this last part…We are all in agreement that discordant thoughts are not true, nor is there a “time” in which one could get better. So now we all get to decide how to live with that truth. 

 

Dream boarding is one way. It seems that I am looking for a different way of creating my reality. 

 

Not long ago I had a dream where everyone’s purpose was written in marker on their forehead. My forehead said “Higher & Higher Visions”.

 

In the CWG book series it says “Recreate yourself anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision you’ve ever held about who you are.” And whenever you think, say or do something that is not representative of that highest vision- think again, speak again, act again. 

 

Neither way is better, but we all have our preferences. I like how such an approach helps me forget about “needing” things to go a certain way. It also helps me ditch discordant thoughts quickly without caring that they happened at all. I find it both relieving and empowering. But it takes a lot of courage and effort to live with such an intention. Again, I think it will come down to preference and personality fit. 

 

Regardless of choice of personal intention, the scale can help. It’s a great tool.

Edited by Bob Seeker
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56 minutes ago, Bob Seeker said:

In the CWG book series it says “Recreate yourself anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision you’ve ever held about who you are.” And whenever you think, say or do something that is not representative of that highest vision- think again, speak again, act again. 

 

Have you read Communion with God ? It's pretty good. IMO the best one from the series.

 

I am the playful and ever-present Source, joyfully embracing every thought and emotion as part of my perfect, unfolding co-creative dream.

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19 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Have you read Communion with God ? It's pretty good. IMO the best one from the series.

 

It is the most recent book I started but I didn’t get very far. I will pick it back up.- but hard to imagine it could be better than book 1. That was a really good book IMO.

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7 hours ago, Bob Seeker said:

It is the most recent book I started but I didn’t get very far. I will pick it back up.- but hard to imagine it could be better than book 1. That was a really good book IMO.

 

I never got anything substantial out of the three main books. What have you found insightful there?

 

The Communion book went pretty good with ACIM. It helped to see the nature of thought attachment / activity of ego a bit clearer.

 

I am the playful and ever-present Source, joyfully embracing every thought and emotion as part of my perfect, unfolding co-creative dream.

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On 10/9/2024 at 3:11 AM, Blessed2 said:

 

I never got anything substantial out of the three main books. What have you found insightful there?

 

The Communion book went pretty good with ACIM. It helped to see the nature of thought attachment / activity of ego a bit clearer.

 

For me Book 1 was great with helping me understand how metaphysics plays into my life in concrete ways. Book 1 and 2 helped clear up practical misconceptions too and see what really responsible human behavior and societal action is. Book 3 had interesting philosophical ideas but I only read like half of it or something.

 

Did you do the 365 exercises in the ACIM book? If so, was it worth it? What did you get from it? Is it compatible with dream boarding?

 

I bought the book but I haven’t really touched it.

Edited by Bob Seeker
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