Music festival and trip report.

[Kevin]

So last weekend I went to a music festival in Canada. It was really great. So much fun. I did 2cb on Sunday and I was having a great time. As the trip progressed I started to experience this pressure behind my nose and my face almost wanted to go into the expression you have when you smell something bad. It felt like I wanted to express disgust. It became kind of uncomfortable. Around this time I decided to take mdma.

 

I've taken mdma many times before. I believed I had a bit of a permanent tolerance to mdma. I believe this because for the last year or 2 when I’ve taken mdma, it hasn’t hit me like it did the first year I did mdma. It felt like the magic was gone. What was so crazy about this mdma trip on Sunday was that it felt like the first couple times I did mdma. It felt incredibly magical. I experienced true love towards my friends that I was with and the whole crowd around me. I felt incredible confidence and love and I felt so sure of any action and I felt little to no doubt. It was amazing.

 

Also some really trippy kundalini stuff went on. I started breathing in a certain way and it felt like energy started to move up my spine. And my face started moving fully into a position of disgust and it felt very relieving to do that. Also at one point I sat down and I closed my eyes and again energy started to move up my spine and as this was happening the music was building and escalating towards the drop or the crescendo of the song and I felt pressure in the third eye area. Right as the song reached its peak the energy in my third eye reached its peak. At the same time and with my eyes closed it felt like the pressure in my third eye released and white light bloomed in that location that I could see with my eyes closed.

 

It was a really cool weekend and I’m shocked the mdma hit me like it did because I just did mdma like a month ago so I didn’t think it would hit me so hard. The experience felt like I woke up and it felt permanent but it wasn’t. I woke up the next day and I definitely felt different and good but I didn’t feel that clarity and confidence and bliss that I felt the night before. Basically I’m wondering what’s missing. How do I feel that peace and confidence all the time?

[WhiteOwl]

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

Basically I’m wondering what’s missing. How do I feel that peace and confidence all the time?

There is a reason ecstasy has that name. Because it feels somewhat like what you are describing. If you have done it many times you also know you fall right down again.. especially if done too much. 

 

I don't think any "feel good" experience will change "you" like that, unless there is a new found understanding at the same time.

 

Peace and confidence will come from understanding what stands in the way of it right now, and then not doing that. Nothing is missing

Edited July 30 by WhiteOwl

[Phil]

20 hours ago, Kevin said:

Basically I’m wondering what’s missing. How do I feel that peace and confidence all the time?

There isn’t anything missing. The “feeling of something missing” comes from the thought of a separate self (in time, which isn’t present).

That self is just a thought and not an actual experience beyond thought. 

 

You can’t feel peace and confidence all the time because the concept of ‘you’ experiencing time is just a thought (a concept). There is only present experience / there is only experience presently.

 

Peace and confidence are “always” present. Thought seemingly obscures, but doesn’t actually change the peace and presence that you eternally are.

 

@WhiteOwl

There’s no you which ‘falls down again’. There are un-inspected self referential thoughts which appear (‘again’). A ‘new found understanding’ would also be a condition, a contingency, on behalf of a not-present-self. That would be what’s obscuring - and not what’s obscured. 

 

The Good News. 😅♥️

 

THIS IS THE TRIP!

[WhiteOwl]

26 minutes ago, Phil said:

There’s no you which ‘falls down again’. There are un-inspected self referential thoughts which appear (‘again’). A ‘new found understanding’ would also be a condition, a contingency, on behalf of a not-present-self. That would be what’s obscuring - and not what’s obscured. 

 

"There are un-inspected self referential thoughts which appear (‘again’). " = Would be 'a new found understanding', if you really see it. If you only read it here it doesn't make a difference. You have to see it for yourself / understand. Now you can non-dual everything i say again, i'm just communicating.

 

There is no self that falls down, obviously, but i assume he got the point i wanted to make writing that.

 

 

[Phil]

@WhiteOwl

I suspect we’re saying the same, that consciousness is infinite and there is nothing else. 

[Phil]

When appearance rather than reality (such as with understanding) is given false emphasis, an unsettling sense of dependency and contingency is experienced (as if something were missing). True peace, presence, and love are immediate - self-evident, and not reliant on intellectual grasping, time, or any conditions at all.

 

"If those who lead you say to you, 'See, the kingdom is in the sky,' then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, 'It is in the sea,' then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father." -

Jesus

 

The peace that surpasses all understanding is truly the self, appearing as all understanding, as well as a concert, crowd, and substances. Enjoy the experiences, but don’t be fooled into thinking that objects of consciousness, the ‘things’ of your being, precede you.

[Kevin]

23 hours ago, Phil said:

There isn’t anything missing. The “feeling of something missing” comes from the thought of a separate self (in time, which isn’t present).

That self is just a thought and not an actual experience beyond thought. 

 

You can’t feel peace and confidence all the time because the concept of ‘you’ experiencing time is just a thought (a concept). There is only present experience / there is only experience presently.

 

I guess what I’m saying is I don’t want to experience the highs and lows. I just want to feel that peace and love. I’m tired of getting a taste and then going back to focusing on stuff that feels bad.

23 hours ago, Phil said:

Peace and confidence are “always” present. Thought seemingly obscures, but doesn’t actually change the peace and presence that you eternally are.

 

@WhiteOwl

There’s no you which ‘falls down again’. There are un-inspected self referential thoughts which appear (‘again’). A ‘new found understanding’ would also be a condition, a contingency, on behalf of a not-present-self. That would be what’s obscuring - and not what’s obscured. 

 

The Good News. 😅♥️

 

THIS IS THE TRIP!

I’m just not getting it. Maybe I’m a little depressed because I’m not at the festival anymore. Also I might be getting sick. But the last couple days I’ve been feeling tired and sad and hopeless.
 

 

5 hours ago, Phil said:

When appearance rather than reality (such as with understanding) is given false emphasis, an unsettling sense of dependency and contingency is experienced (as if something were missing). True peace, presence, and love are immediate - self-evident, and not reliant on intellectual grasping, time, or any conditions at all.

 

I just don’t know how to do this. And then you’re gonna say “it’s not a doing”. 
 

I’m incredibly frustrated because I’m just trying to feel better. I want to live a life worth living. And it doesn’t seem like I am. Often I’m just sad. Or unmotivated. Or I’m not excited to get out of bed. I’m not looking forward toward anything.

5 hours ago, Phil said:

"If those who lead you say to you, 'See, the kingdom is in the sky,' then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, 'It is in the sea,' then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living Father." -

Jesus

 

The peace that surpasses all understanding is truly the self, appearing as all understanding, as well as a concert, crowd, and substances. Enjoy the experiences, but don’t be fooled into thinking that objects of consciousness, the ‘things’ of your being, precede you.

 

[WhiteOwl]

6 hours ago, Phil said:

The peace that surpasses all understanding is truly the self, appearing as all understanding, as well as a concert, crowd, and substances. Enjoy the experiences, but don’t be fooled into thinking that objects of consciousness, the ‘things’ of your being, precede you.

Golf clap.. We are obviously ignorant / not understanding, otherwise we would be feeling this peace and love and not wasting our time here.

 

 

Not as some intellectual thing. But seeing what the fuck we are doing. Thats understanding. We are obviously ignorant as fuck in here, suffering because of it

[Phil]

The epiphany is that psychedelics, like all experiences, are fleeting and transient. Experience itself isn’t making you feel a certain way or informing you of your nature; it’s simply an appearance. Relying on experience to understand your true self, while your true self isn’t aware of understanding, is truly futile. The real revelation and solution lie in daily meditation. Commit to it consistently for a month. You’ll realize that your true nature isn’t dependent on any experience. Free from self-referential thoughts, you’ll discover ever-present freedom, spontaneity, peace, love, and happiness. Trust the process, and see how profoundly your life transforms.

[Kevin]

23 hours ago, Phil said:

The epiphany is that psychedelics, like all experiences, are fleeting and transient. Experience itself isn’t making you feel a certain way or informing you of your nature; it’s simply an appearance. Relying on experience to understand your true self, while your true self isn’t aware of understanding, is truly futile. The real revelation and solution lie in daily meditation. Commit to it consistently for a month. You’ll realize that your true nature isn’t dependent on any experience. Free from self-referential thoughts, you’ll discover ever-present freedom, spontaneity, peace, love, and happiness. Trust the process, and see how profoundly your life transforms.

I’ve tried the daily meditation before. Maybe I didn’t do it long enough. I’ll try it again.

[Phil]

33 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I’ve tried the daily meditation before. Maybe I didn’t do it long enough. I’ll try it again.

Likely seems very paradoxical, but it could be framed as an “effect” of consistent daily meditation, that thoughts about a separate self in time simply just don’t arise or obscure the present. As you’re what’s being, what’s appearing as this, right now, it get’s clearer and clearer there is no time or self in time. Therein, thoughts about the self of thoughts trying or (doing) not doing enough - very literally just aren’t experienced / don’t arise. Meditation isn’t, and truly can’t be, something that was done before. 

[WhiteOwl]

I have been meditating for about 4 years now, almost every day. Had great periods, but not as @Phil describes. Or the momentum never gets to build that much due to partying most weekends. @KevinThat could be where you also make things more difficult in terms of feeling good.

 

New path for me with less of that. Not going to say nothing as i don't want to disappoint myself. You can join!

[Kevin]

My experience with meditation is when I’ve done it consistently I experience huge improvements in my life. However I usually hit a wall where my emotions get super intense. What happened more recently was I stopped meditating recently because of the intense emotions but also because the one core issue I want to resolve just hasn’t resolved.

 

I am very happy with a lot of the results of meditation. Many things I used to struggle with have fallen away. However the one thing that I’ve always struggled with just doesn’t seem to resolve. I’ve quit meditation many times out of frustration because the core issue just doesn’t resolve. Loneliness and fear of connection just doesn’t resolve and it hasn’t resolved. I think that maybe for this specifically the meditation hasn’t really helped much.

 

I think for this I need to approach it differently? Idk all I know is that nothings been working so far.

[Mandy]

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

 because the one core issue I want to resolve just hasn’t resolved.

What if you go into meditation not expecting anything to come from it, or for anything to improve from it?

 

Maybe the reason that meditation won't resolve loneliness and fear of connection is because there isn't really that present at all. This IS connection already. You're on a forum sharing. Notice the little connections, and they will become more. Law of attraction is like making a snowball. 

[Phil]

@Kevin

Break from a meditation session to allow emotion(s) to be fully felt, and then allow the emotion(s) to dissipate fully. Don’t drop meditation altogether though, as consistent meditation is most fundemental. 

 

The intensity experienced is of the interpretations. They’re intensely off. The emotions feel intense because the interpretations are deeply held or believed, in spite of feeling deeply discordant. 

 

That I am lonely feels ‘off’, and the ‘offness’ or discord felt denotes the reality of your wholeness & self-inherent fullfillment. 

That I fear connection feels ‘off’ denoting you aren’t separate already.

The interpretations feel off at the core, because they are off at the core.  

 

The obscuring aspect is the separate self of thought.

The only actual experience there is, is that of you being present.

The separate self of thoughts is never present. 

 

Meditation is more fundemental and longer term, while allowing emotions to be felt and released is intermittent. 

The key to allowing emotions to be felt and then to dissipate is Acknowleding the emotion. 

‘I’m frustrated’ is on behalf of the sep self of thought. 

Frustration is an emotion experienced & felt. 

The other key with emotion is that it’s a present only experience. 

 

While there are thoughts about a self which isn’t present, which experiences emotions in a past or future, this feels off as well because it isn’t true. 

The offness felt, is of the thoughts. That offness is felt presently or not felt presently, depending on if the discordant interpretations are experienced presently or not presently. There is no experince in another time such as a past or future, of anything at all such as thoughts and emotions. 

 

Set an alarm or reminder to go off ever hour, and acknowledge / be aware that you are present. 

 

Let go of expectations about time frames, and framing’s of that there is a problem or someone or something that needs to be helped or fixed, as these aren’t resonating with the fact that there is no actual experience of time other than of thoughts, and likewise for there being a problem or someone or something that needs to be helped or fixed. 

 

Go through the Equanimity Meditation once each day. Do it for the experience of it and any releases that occur, Don’t frame it as fixing or supposed to ‘work’ etc. 

 

Go through the Forgiveness Meditation once a day as well. Do it also for the experience of it, any releases that occure, and any changes in interpretation which result in actions & behaviors that naturally occure from unconditional love. Mend any and all relationships of which any discord is lingering. 

 

Time or a timeframe does not apply. Releasing discordant interpretations, simultaneously uncovering the peace and love you truly are takes as long as it takes.

 

Now that the fear has been acknowledged, when it arises gradually feel it in small increments, ultimately allowing it to be felt fully…  without judgment and without trying to escape or suppress it. Challenge the beliefs behind the fear. Question if they are true, if they are necessary, and if they are serving you.

 

Employ mindfulness / being present, breathing from the stomach & bringing thought to rest through out the day (so to speak) to remain / recognize that you are, present. 

 

Utilize all resources availabe. Therapy, support groups, trusted friends or family, reiki, maybe a yoga class, a massage, etc. Whatever resonates & relieves. 

 

Hang in there. Trust in the process. There isn’t anything ‘not working’ - and you are indeed ‘doing the work’ - feel good about that, acknowledge the self-respect & self-love. Don’t shortchange yourself.

 

The ego mind / patterns of thought / thoughts on behalf of a sep self  don’t fully fizzle out without throwing everything and the kitchen sink at you. Endless narratives, concerns, discordant thoughts & interpretations etc. It’s not pleasant to say the least. It will ‘hijack’ everything and everyone in the most devious ways.

 

How unpleasant it is or isn’t has everything to do with everything else mentioned, from daily consistent meditation being most fundemental and on. Be patient & present and relax and breathe. You got this. I believe in you 100%, no doubt whatsoever. We will one day soon laugh together at just how disgusting the ego’s shitshow was, I promise. The bottom line is relax, be present, and trust in the unfolding. It is all most worthwhile. At times (so to speak) of course it’s not going to seem like it, at all. That’s also the ego shitshow… so let it go, be present & trust. 

 

[Kevin]

On 8/2/2024 at 6:22 PM, Phil said:

@Kevin

Break from a meditation session to allow emotion(s) to be fully felt, and then allow the emotion(s) to dissipate fully. Don’t drop meditation altogether though, as consistent meditation is most fundemental. 

 

The intensity experienced is of the interpretations. They’re intensely off. The emotions feel intense because the interpretations are deeply held or believed, in spite of feeling deeply discordant. 

 

That I am lonely feels ‘off’, and the ‘offness’ or discord felt denotes the reality of your wholeness & self-inherent fullfillment. 

That I fear connection feels ‘off’ denoting you aren’t separate already.

The interpretations feel off at the core, because they are off at the core.  

 

The obscuring aspect is the separate self of thought.

The only actual experience there is, is that of you being present.

The separate self of thoughts is never present. 

 

Meditation is more fundemental and longer term, while allowing emotions to be felt and released is intermittent. 

The key to allowing emotions to be felt and then to dissipate is Acknowleding the emotion. 

‘I’m frustrated’ is on behalf of the sep self of thought. 

Frustration is an emotion experienced & felt. 

The other key with emotion is that it’s a present only experience. 

 

While there are thoughts about a self which isn’t present, which experiences emotions in a past or future, this feels off as well because it isn’t true. 

The offness felt, is of the thoughts. That offness is felt presently or not felt presently, depending on if the discordant interpretations are experienced presently or not presently. There is no experince in another time such as a past or future, of anything at all such as thoughts and emotions. 

 

Set an alarm or reminder to go off ever hour, and acknowledge / be aware that you are present. 

 

Let go of expectations about time frames, and framing’s of that there is a problem or someone or something that needs to be helped or fixed, as these aren’t resonating with the fact that there is no actual experience of time other than of thoughts, and likewise for there being a problem or someone or something that needs to be helped or fixed. 

 

Go through the Equanimity Meditation once each day. Do it for the experience of it and any releases that occur, Don’t frame it as fixing or supposed to ‘work’ etc. 

 

Go through the Forgiveness Meditation once a day as well. Do it also for the experience of it, any releases that occure, and any changes in interpretation which result in actions & behaviors that naturally occure from unconditional love. Mend any and all relationships of which any discord is lingering. 

 

Time or a timeframe does not apply. Releasing discordant interpretations, simultaneously uncovering the peace and love you truly are takes as long as it takes.

 

Now that the fear has been acknowledged, when it arises gradually feel it in small increments, ultimately allowing it to be felt fully…  without judgment and without trying to escape or suppress it. Challenge the beliefs behind the fear. Question if they are true, if they are necessary, and if they are serving you.

 

Employ mindfulness / being present, breathing from the stomach & bringing thought to rest through out the day (so to speak) to remain / recognize that you are, present. 

 

Utilize all resources availabe. Therapy, support groups, trusted friends or family, reiki, maybe a yoga class, a massage, etc. Whatever resonates & relieves. 

 

Hang in there. Trust in the process. There isn’t anything ‘not working’ - and you are indeed ‘doing the work’ - feel good about that, acknowledge the self-respect & self-love. Don’t shortchange yourself.

 

The ego mind / patterns of thought / thoughts on behalf of a sep self  don’t fully fizzle out without throwing everything and the kitchen sink at you. Endless narratives, concerns, discordant thoughts & interpretations etc. It’s not pleasant to say the least. It will ‘hijack’ everything and everyone in the most devious ways.

 

How unpleasant it is or isn’t has everything to do with everything else mentioned, from daily consistent meditation being most fundemental and on. Be patient & present and relax and breathe. You got this. I believe in you 100%, no doubt whatsoever. We will one day soon laugh together at just how disgusting the ego’s shitshow was, I promise. The bottom line is relax, be present, and trust in the unfolding. It is all most worthwhile. At times (so to speak) of course it’s not going to seem like it, at all. That’s also the ego shitshow… so let it go, be present & trust. 

 

Thanks Phil, all this feels very relieving l got really sick and then I got pinkeye and so it took me a while to respond. But yes things are looking up.