Marcels Universal Journal

[Marcel]

Turning a new leaf. I remember when I started the last journal like this. A ton has changed. 

 

Life can change so fast and just maybe I’m fast enough to immortalise the change and progress here. 

[Marcel]

There is a particular thing I have struggled with for quite some time and by that I mean through my entire childhood. For some reason and I don’t know why that is, my father has the peculiar habit of not wanting to explain his thought process ever. Meaning that discussions are impossible. For example. He has opinion X on a topic. I ask him, why he has that opinion and he responds with: „Why don’t you accept my opinion“? With that any possible debate is over. He enters a defensive state and just completely refuses to elaborate. Which for a long time, coupled with other factors, led me to avoid conversations like the plague. They never got anywhere in my household and so communication was limited to chores and tasks that needed to be done. I was emotionally void for a good decade. Nonetheless things look fantastic nowadays and i couldn’t be happier.

[Reena]

One spiritual practice is divine connection. Connection with the divine. In some manner or form. Connection with the wellspring of hope and beauty and fundamental goodness and healing. 

Meditation is not about curing your problems like weight loss. It increases the breath of what you can take in. It's about love and being centered. This does not take away suffering but offers meaning in the middle of suffering. Gives you something to know that is good despite all the bad. It's like an old photo of your dead dog that brings comfort in sadness. It is that that brings groundedness in chaos. In knowing that good always exists fundamentally.  

 

[Marcel]

Sleep Paralysis is an interesting phenomenon. I limited tested myself not too long ago. I had quite a bit of work for about 3 weeks, always got up early and did my fitness routine. Probably had an average of 4-5 hours of sleep in that time frame. It’s interesting that I didn’t even feel overexerted. It was a normal work day. I sat down on a chair and within maybe 1-2 minutes sleep paralysis hit for about 4 Hours. Still completely conscious. I could hear everything around me.  But Unable to move my entire body . My eyes closed shut, no chance of opening them, even my sense of smell was gone.
 

I know that because my colleague eventually put a bit of Disinfectant under my nose and I did not smell it. I could feel something was there, funny enough i thought it was water, but I was unstable to smell it.
 

When I finally awoke I immediately gave him the car keys, because while I was asleep I overheard that he needed them and everyone that was around was absolutely mindblown at the fact that that just happened. 
 

Anyhow. I Left work quite a bit earlier that day, went home and slept for 11 hours straight. I knew exhaustion would  get me eventually.

 

But, this experience has clearly shown me where my limits are, they’re a whole lot further done the line then I had anticipated.

 

Quite a valuable insight and I’m now more keenly aware then ever of when I need a break or even a  vacation. 

I definitely won’t push myself that hard again. I don’t think it would be healthy over longer periods of time. 
 

*Learning to just relax and do nothing at times is a very valuable skill, especially because I tend to be quite a busy bee who can’t stop to work. 

[Reena]

 

Wow, that sounds terrifying! I'm glad you're okay. Sleep paralysis can be really scary, even though it's not dangerous. Maybe next time you're feeling that sleep-deprived, listen to your body and take a break. Your health is more important than pushing yourself that hard. That's crazy! It's amazing you were able to function for so long on so little sleep. But yeah, sleep paralysis is no joke. Good call on listening to your body and taking a break. It's important to find a healthy balance.

Haha you turned into a sleeping statue for 4 hours? That's next-level exhaustion! Glad you woke up with your car keys intact, though. Maybe next time try a nap instead of pushing yourself to the limit.

 

Sounds like your body was trying to tell you something. It's great that you're recognizing your limits and planning to take better care of yourself. Getting enough sleep is so important for your health and productivity. I have had similar experiences hun. Once there was a lizard (a large one like a dragon) crawling all over my body and I couldn't move an inch. Scary.  I definitely get the importance of rest though. Maybe we can plan some chill time together sometime soon to avoid any repeat performances. 

 

 By the way enjoyed this video. I love tarot too. 

 

 

Edited July 20 by Reena

[Marcel]

Yeah. It was way too much. But that’s me. Never know when to stop, although this experience definitely put things into perspective.

 

My energy levels always have been extraordinarily high, coupled with the fact that I could barely sit still without the need to do something for the longest time. 
 

You know. I didn’t feel sleepy or tired when that incident happened. I genuinely didn’t feel exhausted, but then again my capacity to  just  block things like that is immense. 
 

In the end I’m happy about the experience. Helps me to gauge my limits better. So I consider it a net positiv 👍

 

@Reena

[Marcel]

Just woke up at 1:30 am and learned about an hour of Hindi.

 

Man, some syllables sound so similar I really don’t know how to keep them apart yet. 

Ja Jha Ca Cha

Ka Kha Ga Gha 

 

I swear some of them sound identical. I can somewhat differentiate the letters at least. In the Hindi alphabet ( if it’s called that way ). 
 

But I’m making good headway. The more input I have the easier it will to discern them.

 

*Back to studying 

[Marcel]

Balance. My routine is still a bit all over the place. Either I do too much or too little. Sliding from one extreme to the next. 
 

At least I have learned to relax more. I only sleep 4-6 hours generally and my experience with sleep paralysis the other week has woken me up to the fact that I need to watch out for exhaustion a bit more. 
 

I need to take my Intuition in that regard more seriously. Because almost every time my body tells me it needs a break. I’m mostly dismissive about it. 

 

My tolerance to exhaustion is quite huge. But that also means that my body will take matters into its own hands if it needs to . Which isn’t exactly healthy. 

Definitely a part of me that still needs to be improved and expanded upon.

[Marcel]

Learning Hindi is getting easier. 
 

It isn’t that the syllables sound the same. They actually just have nuances to them that, if your ear is adjusted to, can be heard bright as day.

 

Its quite funny really. I learn new words and syllables one day, genuinely struggle to keep them apart and over night, after sleeping, when I look at them again I suddenly can hear the differences and can correctly differentiate them. 
 

Seems like sleep is my superpower. 

[Marcel]

I still find it endlessly hilarious that the forum thinks I’m not a real person. It’s the funniest shit.

 

Some people genuinely waste their time thinking about it or pester my wife with stupid texts about it, which by the way have zero impact on anything. It’s just funny. 

 

 Immaturity truly is incredible entertainment. 

 

Nothing beats the behaviour of people online. Anonymity really is a drug that some people just can’t handle responsibly. 

 

I truly wonder if someday everything you post online will be tied to your identity and is even publicly available. Terrifying, but also, in some  cases, unbelievable funny and the potential for hilarity is never ending.

I swear I would looooooove to see what these internet trolls are actually like in real regular daily life, just for a day. Would be an interesting excursion.  I have my sneaking suspicions about the result, but maybe I can be surprised. 😂

[Phil]

23 minutes ago, Marcel said:

I still find it endlessly hilarious that the forum thinks I’m not a real person. It’s the funniest shit.

If I’m not mistaken, one member said this. Not “the forum”. 

[Marcel]

13 minutes ago, Phil said:

If I’m not mistaken, one member said this. Not “the forum”. 

 
You’re not wrong. But the same comments have also crept into this forum. So what I said still stands true 😉

[Phil]

@Marcel

That a forum thinks is a bit off, but I digress. 

[Marcel]

4 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Marcel

That a forum thinks is a bit off, but I digress. 

Im not talking about the forum as a breathing entity either. Maybe I should have phrased it differently. Certain individuals do what I am talking about. 

[Phil]

@Marcel

I mention it only to nip it in the bud, as it tends to grow into a weed of me vs forum, us vs them, etc. 

Evidenced by “trolls” etc. 

[Marcel]

Just now, Phil said:

@Marcel

I mention it only to nip it in the bud, as it tends to grow into a weed of me vs forum, us vs them, etc. 

 

Ahh i see. I understand. No worries. I have no antagonistic feelings or mentally build up a us vs them dynamic. Only time I wanted to even mention this topic because it happened recently. 

[Phil]

14 minutes ago, Marcel said:

 
You’re not wrong. But the same comments have also crept into this forum. So what I said still stands true 😉

Feel free to report any comments. 

 

3 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Certain individuals

Also feel free to utilize a forum on self-realization & a journal therein for… self-realization.

[Marcel]

Just now, Phil said:

 

 

Also feel free to utilize a forum on self-realization & a journal therein for… self-realization.

Noted. You’re absolutely right. Seems I got a bit offtrack. 

[Marcel]

This was an eventful evening. I’m glad this bit of chaos erupted because it gave me new insights.

 

I’ve noticed how easily things that are said jokingly can be taken out of context or rather misinterpreted.
 

I’m not a crazy person. I said this jokingly because a lot of people tell me that I must be and I’ve gladly taken over that label, because it’s a fantastic conversation starter. 
 

Im ambitious and get called crazy for it quite a bit, that’s what I actually wanted to say, but again, my seeming need to talk or write is bigger then my ability to refine my message. 

 

Also. I need to work on staying calmer in conversations. I’m so eager to talk that what I am trying to say gets out too fast and only later while I reflect on it I notice that things needed to have been said differently in order to come across as intended. 
 

Anyhow. I love a good conversation. 
 

Thank you @Phil for taking the time.

 

Edited July 23 by Marcel

[Marcel]

I just saw an interesting statistic on Duolingo.

 

Currently entered my 5 day streak and it showed the percentage of people who make it that far. It’s apparently only 5%.  

 

I think that’s nuts. 5% ? That seems so low for such a small barrier of daily login and one exercise that takes maybe 2 minutes to complete. 

Well. I suppose most people aren’t actually serious about learning.