spiritual dreams Posted October 23 Share Posted October 23 Recently I had a huge kundalini awakening and it has profoundly changed my life. More details here: The days since have been extremely challenging. I have had amazingly blissful highs and horrific lows where all my past trauma comes up. I also have extreme sensitivity to everything and feel very ungrounded. Basically my life is very uncomfortable right now. This will be a pretty loose journal expressing whatever comes up. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritual dreams Posted October 23 Author Share Posted October 23 (edited) Yesterday I had an amazing enlightenment experience where I felt the 'I AM' state. The bliss did not last long as afterwards I was plagued by horrific intrusive thoughts about something horrible happening to the people I care about. Today I felt some childhood trauma rise up about traumatic violent videos I watched as a child. I also had an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and anxiety. I practiced IFS and white light healing which helped clear things up. I also noticed that after watching porn I started to view women as objects to get something from rather than humans that I could form connections with. This creates a rupture between my sacral chakra and my heart chakra. I also noticed peoples energies really intensely. It's like I could see and feel other people's hidden neuroses. I feel like this will make it harder to form relationships in the future. Edited October 23 by spiritual dreams Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonas Long Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 Honestly, everything I'm reading from you about this experience just sounds like more ego stuff. I would talk to a therapist, and let go of framing it how you've been as "kundalini awakening". This kind of thing happens when you open up about something you've been deeply repressed about. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 @spiritual dreams I think you entered into mania or psychosis.I would talk with your therapist or psychiatrist.Wishing you well. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritual dreams Posted October 24 Author Share Posted October 24 (edited) @Alexander Thank you for the concern but I'm 100% sure this is kundalini syndrome. I don't think a western psychiatrist would help in this situation and I absolutely do not want to take any medications. My symptoms align exactly with what is described in the kundalini awakening texts and communities online. The practices from these communities have benefitted me greatly. From what I've read, western psychiatric drugs make things much worse so I will stick with my practices. If you don't believe me, that is fine but I would really appreciate if you didn't diagnose me with psychosis, especially if you don't have experiences with kundalini type stuff. Kundalini symptoms are commonly misdiagnosed as psychosis and there likely is some overlap but the ways of dealing with it is very different. As bad as my symptoms sound, my life before was much worse and this is pushing me to make healthy changes in my life. If you think I am crazy then that is ok. But please respect that I understand what I am going through. Edited October 24 by spiritual dreams Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2 Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 Just generally... People go through all sorts of phases and "mental crises" and weird times. It's normal life. No need to diagnose and medicate every fucking thing. This kundalini stuff kind of sounds like that. Similar to the so-called "dark night of the soul". It's just the type of shit that can come up when we go through the shits of life and uncovering emotions, beliefs etc. @spiritual dreams Though be sure to talk to medical professionals if it gets too hard. No need to medication perhaps, but stuff like spending a few days in psych ward etc. can be helpful if shit hits the fan. That sorta stuff isn't really about western medicine, but more about just taking some time off in a safe and understanding enviroment. It was really helpful for me when I experienced some hard stuff due to tripping. Quote Mention Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritual dreams Posted October 24 Author Share Posted October 24 As much as there are negative symptoms there are a lot of positive ones I've noticed as well. I have been pretty negative but I just want to point these out in case people think I'm going crazy. 1. Massively increased confidence and charisma - I can now strike up long conversations with strangers on the street and people seem to be much more friendly to me. Animals also seem to be more attracted to me. 2. Increase desire for health - Unhealthy processed food and artificial shit makes me feel so horrible that I have a physical aversion to it. My diet has improved 100 fold 3. Increased intelligence and performance at work - Work definitely gets affected by the negative symptoms but somehow I find myself getting way more done and being able to solve really complex problems without much difficulty. 4. Less stress about material things - I completely don't care about the opinions of others any more. I don't really care about status, sex (kind of), money (in the materialistic sense), success, looks, etc... 5. Strive to become a better person - I feel myself letting go of grudges and prejudices that I used to have. 6. Increased awareness in general - It just feels like more information is going into my brain. 7. More authenticity - It no longer feels like I wear a mask when I'm talking to other people. 8. Increased self esteem - Pretty much all of my insecurities are gone. 9. Abundance mentality - I feel like there are so many opportunities open for me now. Before I was stuck in this rigid idea of how my life should go which would cause me great anxiety. Now I feel like there are so many new doors open for me. I don't have to work in my tech job for the rest of my life. I can explore and find my life purpose and explore my passions. 10. More energy and improved sleep. I feel less tired during the day and I need less sleep. Each of these traits would have taken years of self improvement and It feels like I have them effortlessly. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 @spiritual dreams you want grounding? Sit down, close the eyes and feel into the body, from the toes to the top of the head. Then feel into the sounds and smells and tastes. Feel into this whole moment, it's vibration, sensation. Does thought have any power over you? Can any of the interpretations or stories created in thought even hold a candle to sensation? Take your stand as Awareness, Being is far more powerful than any thought that arises. It is True. While all the thoughts that arise are just imagination. Of course make sure to stay healthy and go to a doctor if you have any doubts about the health of the body. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 @spiritual dreams notice while the thoughts arise once at a time like a fly hovering around you, the body is completely still, literally unmoved by thought. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritual dreams Posted October 24 Author Share Posted October 24 @Blessed2 Thanks man, appreciated. I'm definitely more stable than I was last week so probably don't need a mental hospital. (fingers crossed 🤞) The psychotic symptoms seem to have stabilized so now its more of the anxiety and depression that occasionally comes up. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritual dreams Posted October 24 Author Share Posted October 24 @Orb Thanks man. Yeah I've been doing some grounding exercises which definitely help. The best I've found is just walking slowly and feeling the ground beneath my feet. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 @spiritual dreams that sounds good, its nice that the walking is helping you. 🙂 You mentioned in the first post that you tapped into the I Am. Well in reality "you" didn't tap into anything. The separate self - "you" - actually stopped arising and your true Nature was unveiled. Thoughts cannot make You, because You are not finite and cannot be made, you are the Maker. The Self. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritual dreams Posted October 24 Author Share Posted October 24 (edited) 2 hours ago, Orb said: You mentioned in the first post that you tapped into the I Am. Well in reality "you" didn't tap into anything. The separate self - "you" - actually stopped arising and your true Nature was unveiled. That's probably a better description of what happened. I was looking at my hand and realised just how infinitely complex it was and I realised that this higher transcendent reality I was looking for was actually here and now! And that I am it! Edited October 24 by spiritual dreams Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonas Long Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 30 minutes ago, spiritual dreams said: That's probably a better description of what happened. I was looking at my hand and realised just how infinitely complex it was and I realised that this higher transcendent reality I was looking for was actually here and now! You keep talking about things happening to you and identifying with them. That's what makes it sound dubious that "awakening" is really what is going on here. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2 Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 3 hours ago, spiritual dreams said: The psychotic symptoms seem to have stabilized so now its more of the anxiety and depression that occasionally comes up. Sounds pretty good. Intuitively speaking, the "psychotic" symptoms are the so-called 'peak' of such crap. Anxiety and depression are usually the come-down. Quote Mention Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritual dreams Posted October 24 Author Share Posted October 24 9 minutes ago, Blessed2 said: Sounds pretty good. Intuitively speaking, the "psychotic" symptoms are the so-called 'peak' of such crap. Anxiety and depression are usually the come-down. Yup, I suspect the psychotic symptoms are my ego mind trying to cling onto these blissful states. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2 Posted October 25 Share Posted October 25 12 hours ago, spiritual dreams said: Yup, I suspect the psychotic symptoms are my ego mind trying to cling onto these blissful states. Yeah, psychotic symptoms might often be the ego taking a bit more "apparent" form. In actuality there is no such thing as the unconscious, but for the sake of pointing / making sense, psychosis might be like the "unconscious" ego coming up on surface to be illuminated, and appearing in all sort of whacky forms in the process. It might be useful to consider the symptoms you have / had, and contemplate as to what underlying beliefs might be appearing in that form. A bit like dream symbolism interpretation. For me this was very healing and beneficial. Even paradigm shattering. This might be helpful: Quote Mention Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritual dreams Posted October 25 Author Share Posted October 25 6 hours ago, Blessed2 said: It might be useful to consider the symptoms you have / had, and contemplate as to what underlying beliefs might be appearing in that form. A bit like dream symbolism interpretation. For me this was very healing and beneficial. Even paradigm shattering. Yeah a lot of the symptoms are just thoughts, emotions and beliefs I developed as a child. It helped me a lot to see every negative emotion as a sad and scared inner child. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritual dreams Posted October 26 Author Share Posted October 26 My symptoms seem to be stabilising as I'm not feeling the manic highs or the terrifying lows. Hopefully it stays that way. I'm able to apply IFS methods to heal any negative emotions that are being exposed. For example yesterday, I managed to heal a large aspect of my avoidant personality and fear of intimacy. Today was alright, a bunch of repressed sexual frustration came up. I noticed that I repress sexual energy when it comes up and this causes a large part of my porn addiction. With some work I managed to get my sacral chakra to be aligned with my heart chakra. As I was walking home, I noticed an intense sense of loneliness. Its a kind of energy that separates me from my friends and family and I just felt completely isolated and alone. This part may take some healing. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2 Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 4 minutes ago, spiritual dreams said: Hopefully it stays that way. It will. Do you meditate daily? 4 minutes ago, spiritual dreams said: Today was alright, a bunch of repressed sexual frustration came up. I noticed that I repress sexual energy when it comes up and this causes a large part of my porn addiction. With some work I managed to get my sacral chakra to be aligned with my heart chakra. As I was walking home, I noticed an intense sense of loneliness. Its a kind of energy that separates me from my friends and family and I just felt completely isolated and alone. This part may take some healing. Meditation, meditation, meditation. Quote Mention Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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