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Sometimes I just feel like I'm not built for interactions


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@Phil

On 5/21/2023 at 5:57 PM, Phil said:

What about jealousy?

Yeah I experience lots of jealousy towards people who have it more easy and simple with family and social interactions, now that I'm introspecting.

 

On 5/21/2023 at 5:57 PM, Phil said:

What is it that you do want?

I just answered myself, huh. I want more easygoing interactions with family and that I don't need to worry from offending someone. I want also more easygoing social interactions where I don't need to monitor everything I'm saying and be stressful because of it. I want to speak in an easygoing fashion without overthinking (thinking too much about myself).

 

On 5/21/2023 at 5:57 PM, Phil said:

How have people commonly obtained, realized, etc, what it is that you are wanting?

I don't know how they've obtained it. It just seems that some people just have it easier than others and they didn't need to do any work towards it. Forget work, they just don't seem to be worried about it because they're already doing well.

 

Now that I'm thinking about it... just today I felt a little jealous of a guy I work with (not in a hateful way.. maybe it was more frustration than jealousy). He was awarded a special rank of an officer and has got this nice uniform. He was there with his wife and family and he seemed happy. He is a big guy (heavy weight lifting) with buzz cut and a clean beard. Really looks like a guy many women would fall for. He is known by many people as a legend, king, chad... he is honestly a good guy and he was awarded the excellent officer back when he did his course. Many people rely on him. He is very kind. In many ways he appears to be the definition of manly.

Yeah, can't imagine myself to be like him. (I mean, that kinda makes sense since the image of me isn't the image of him...)

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1 hour ago, fopylo said:

Yeah I experience lots of jealousy towards people who have it more easy and simple with family and social interactions, now that I'm introspecting

That’s great. What about the wanted aspect of jealousy? That’s the beauty of jealousy, it clarifies what’s wanted. It can also be initially paradoxical. Sometimes it’s believed other’s have something you don’t, while you’re holding something they aren’t. Sometimes what’s wanted is to see how they ‘got out of their own way’. Try to keep in mind you don’t really know. 

 

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

I want to speak in an easygoing fashion without overthinking (thinking too much about myself).

Nice & simple. No need for adding what isn’t wanted. 🙂

 

3 hours ago, fopylo said:

I don't know how they've obtained it. It just seems that some people just have it easier than others and they didn't need to do any work towards it. Forget work, they just don't seem to be worried about it because they're already doing well.

Maybe they don’t share the beliefs about this not being good enough, themself not being enough, needing to obtaining something, who has it easier, etc. Maybe they listen to worry, and therefore aren’t experiencing those thoughts / beliefs. (Because of how the thoughts feel). Maybe they practice self-love in that way. Alignment. 

 

3 hours ago, fopylo said:

 

Now that I'm thinking about it... just today I felt a little jealous of a guy I work with (not in a hateful way.. maybe it was more frustration than jealousy). He was awarded a special rank of an officer and has got this nice uniform. He was there with his wife and family and he seemed happy. He is a big guy (heavy weight lifting) with buzz cut and a clean beard. Really looks like a guy many women would fall for. He is known by many people as a legend, king, chad... he is honestly a good guy and he was awarded the excellent officer back when he did his course. Many people rely on him. He is very kind. In many ways he appears to be the definition of manly.

Yeah, can't imagine myself to be like him.

You don’t know what kind of guys women fall for. 🙂 They don’t even know. They think they know till it happens, just like you. Let any bitterness & envy go and just listen to the jealousy (derive what’s wanted). Wish them well. Be happy for them. Appreciate and vibrationally attract the same.  

 

3 hours ago, fopylo said:

(I mean, that kinda makes sense since the image of me isn't the image of him...)

👍🏻 nice. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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@Phil

On 5/23/2023 at 4:24 AM, Phil said:

That’s great. What about the wanted aspect of jealousy? That’s the beauty of jealousy, it clarifies what’s wanted. It can also be initially paradoxical. Sometimes it’s believed other’s have something you don’t, while you’re holding something they aren’t. Sometimes what’s wanted is to see how they ‘got out of their own way’. Try to keep in mind you don’t really know. 

Yeah dude. Today for almost the whole day I didn't feel so good because of that one guy in my team that showed me he's stronger than me (not flexing, but made some comments) and treats me like a cute kid (calls me all the time cute as a compliment but idk because it looks like he's the mature one and I'm the child). He also has it super good socially as for someone with "autism" like me.

 

The initial wanting aspect of jealousy is to be stronger than him (man I just can't lie. I'm being honest with you).

So you're saying it's not so much about what they have that I don't, but rather what I hold onto that they don't - that I'm doing the unnecessary work.

I don't really know what?

On 5/23/2023 at 4:24 AM, Phil said:

Maybe they don’t share the beliefs about this not being good enough, themself not being enough, needing to obtaining something, who has it easier, etc.

Is sharing somehow affecting?

Is keeping it to oneself different? (Perhaps better?)

On 5/23/2023 at 4:24 AM, Phil said:

You don’t know what kind of guys women fall for. 🙂 They don’t even know. They think they know till it happens,

I'm pretty sure a woman would prefer a confident guy that is social and loving. If he has a purpose and finds meaning and shares joy I'm 100 sure that women would fall for him. I'm also very sure that women would NOT fall for an unconfident man, scared to fully live.

 

On 5/23/2023 at 4:24 AM, Phil said:

Wish them well. Be happy for them. Appreciate and vibrationally attract the same.  

Imma be completely honest with you:

When I experience some sort of jealousy towards someone, the first thing I think about after some comparison is that I hate them and need to be more than them, better than them, and thus assert my value.

I think this is a very accurate description.

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38 minutes ago, fopylo said:

Yeah dude. Today for almost the whole day I didn't feel so good because of that one guy in my team that showed me he's stronger than me (not flexing, but made some comments) and treats me like a cute kid (calls me all the time cute as a compliment but idk because it looks like he's the mature one and I'm the child). He also has it super good socially as for someone with "autism" like me.

 

The initial wanting aspect of jealousy is to be stronger than him (man I just can't lie. I'm being honest with you).

So you're saying it's not so much about what they have that I don't, but rather what I hold onto that they don't - that I'm doing the unnecessary work.

I don't really know what?

What’s held onto is the reason (that you didn’t feel good for almost the whole day). The reason is essentially, he should be different than he is. It’s conditional happiness. Without the condition there’s just happiness. If someone tells you you’re cute, just say thanks. If it’s a guy and your orientation is straight, feel free to add ‘I’m not interested’ to that thanks. 

 

Also, as you said, he didn’t actually show you he’s stronger, he commented that he is. So what. Why not appreciate? That might sound like, oh, that’s good. That’s good for him if he’s strong, and there’s no actual relevance as to which one of you is stronger. Maybe if you were in a weigh lifting competition or something, but even then, it’s a competition. It doesn’t define anyone. 

 

38 minutes ago, fopylo said:

Is sharing somehow affecting?

Is keeping it to oneself different? (Perhaps better?)

I mean maybe you have beliefs, and they don’t ‘hold’ those same beliefs. It seems you and the guy mentioned share the same belief, that it is somehow relevant who is physically stronger. I don’t share as in hold that belief. Fine by me if you’re both stronger. What do I care? What does it amount to? Generally, hell yes for everyone being strong. That’s great imo. Stronger than me, not as strong as me… doesn’t matter at all. A weigh lifting competition is a weight lifting competition. It sounds like you’re engaging in a different kind of competition, a who’s the better separate self competition. That competition is won by never having engaged in it in that manor in the first place. Is this (Phil’s so to speak) body strong enough? Yep. Great. It’s that simple. If some guy’s caught up in some thinking about an importance of comparison that has no point or relevance, that’s not really Phil’s business. Literally has nothing to do with Phil. 

 

38 minutes ago, fopylo said:

I'm pretty sure a woman would prefer a confident guy that is social and loving. If he has a purpose and finds meaning and shares joy I'm 100 sure that women would fall for him. I'm also very sure that women would NOT fall for an unconfident man, scared to fully live.

The judgement is what’s felt. It seems some have let it go and some haven’t. The only ‘reason’ it’s let go is because how you feel is more important than being right (about the judgements, comparisons, etc). The black & white beliefs there are what’s discordant. As an example, I’m not a guy (a person, a human) which is confident nor unconfident, which is social nor unsocial, which is neither scared or not scared. I have no purpose, there is no meaning. Yet, apparently my wife has no issue with any of this. Matter of fact we laugh about stuff like this daily. It’s not laughing at or about anyone. We are in love. Not per se “with each other”.  As in reality is love. This. Apparently ‘we’ are ‘in’ This. ‘Physically’ speaking… I’m alone at the moment, working, deeply in love. (Apparently). 

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@Phil

1 hour ago, Phil said:

someone tells you you’re cute, just say thanks.

Bro the thing is that I don't like when people repeatedly say that to me. I literally made a post about people calling me cute (and floaty). I just naturally blush and get embarrassed and don't know how to respond, which just makes me more "cute".

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Also, as you said, he didn’t actually show you he’s stronger, he commented that he is

Today in the morning we greeted hellow in a friendly manner - we just banged our heads and started trying to push each other with our heads lol, and then he said he doesn't want to try harder because he would knock me off to that car.

Yesterday made it obvious after we shook hands and started trying to pull each other and his pull strength is stronger than mine.

Today when we were next to some machines he said he doesn't want to start flexing.

He has buckets of protein shakes and creatine above his desk in his office.

 

We're around the same age.

He does a mixture of weight lifting and also some weighted calisthenics.

I currently do just calisthenics and plan to move to weighted calisthenics in a few months.

He is tall and stronger than me.

I am normal height and I honestly prefer the body I've been given and I believe I'm a little more aesthetic (showing you the raw real thoughts).

 

I think what's bothering me really is that he, like other people might think that calisthenics is weaker than weight lifting (there are certainly people who think that because "calisthenics is all body weight" but forget about progressions and weighted calisthenics).

I personally think calisthenics and especially weighted calisthenics are the best and coolest.

"I'll prove them wrong someday not too far" is what I think to myself.

 

Yeah I actually do often appreciate people who train, but the second they give me the feeling like they're talking from above I start hating. I like to talk with someone and have the feeling of "I support you, you support me. Together we'll reach our goals and make it" which really inspires me.

1 hour ago, Phil said:

engaging in a different kind of competition, a who’s the better separate self competition

😂

Nice

1 hour ago, Phil said:

which is confident nor unconfident, which is social nor unsocial, which is neither scared or not scared.

I think you are confident, social and not scared though, purely from the things you write and from the calls I had with you and from your videos.

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Matter of fact we laugh about stuff like this daily.

This is confidence and not scared though

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1 hour ago, fopylo said:

Bro the thing is that I don't like when people repeatedly say that to me. I literally made a post about people calling me cute (and floaty). I just naturally blush and get embarrassed and don't know how to respond, which just makes me more "cute".

They say it because you have a problem with it and react. When you no longer hold it to be a problem, you no longer react & you’ll find people no longer say it. 

Have you talked to him about this? Said something along the lines of I don’t appreciate this?

 

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

Today in the morning we greeted hellow in a friendly manner - we just banged our heads and started trying to push each other with our heads lol, and then he said he doesn't want to try harder because he would knock me off to that car.

Yesterday made it obvious after we shook hands and started trying to pull each other and his pull strength is stronger than mine.

Today when we were next to some machines he said he doesn't want to start flexing.

He has buckets of protein shakes and creatine above his desk in his office.

Maybe take a break from engaging with him. 

 

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

We're around the same age.

He does a mixture of weight lifting and also some weighted calisthenics.

I currently do just calisthenics and plan to move to weighted calisthenics in a few months.

He is tall and stronger than me.

I am normal height and I honestly prefer the body I've been given and I believe I'm a little more aesthetic (showing you the raw real thoughts).

Why are you comparing? What’s the point?

 

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

 

I think what's bothering me really is that he, like other people might think

that calisthenics is weaker than weight lifting (there are certainly people who think that because "calisthenics is all body weight" but forget about progressions and weighted calisthenics).

I personally think calisthenics and especially weighted calisthenics are the best and coolest.

"I'll prove them wrong someday not too far" is what I think to myself.

What people think is really people’s business. It’s up to you if you make it your business. 

 

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

 

Yeah I actually do often appreciate people who train, but the second they give me the feeling like they're talking from above I start hating.

Let them. It takes two to tango. They don’t give you the feeling… you feel the same if you think the same. There’s probably lots of people who think they are above lots of people. That’s really their business. 

If you’re interested in being right about that they aren’t, that’s your business. 

Isn’t this guy basically on the same team? Why think in terms of comparison / adversary / who’s better? 

Why not sincerely wish him all the strength etc in the world, that he’s at his strongest, at his best - and you too?

 

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

I like to talk with someone and have the feeling of "I support you, you support me. Together we'll reach our goals and make it" which really inspires me.

Yeah, that. ‘Be the change you wish to see.’ He might be saying it in many weird ways, head bunting & what not, but maybe you and the guy you’re talking about actually want the same thing. 

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@Phil

40 minutes ago, Phil said:

They say it because you have a problem with it and react. When you no longer hold it to be a problem, you no longer react & you’ll find people no longer say it. 

Have you talked to him about this? Said something along the lines of I don’t appreciate this?

So you say not to get embarrassed and just normally accept it with a thank you? Also, why would they stop saying it? It's not as though they're trying to trigger me (I guess).

I said something along the lines of "I don't understand why you always call me like that" and he says because I'm just "cute, in a good way". It is hard for me to accept it. Usually I just suppress it and act like a victim.

46 minutes ago, Phil said:

Maybe take a break from engaging with him. 

 

I mean, he is a friend in some way. He is nice and it can be funny with him, although he laughs mostly at the fact that it makes me laugh, and following with a "cute" comment.

 

48 minutes ago, Phil said:

Why are you comparing? What’s the point?

 

It's for the following up of what I'm saying after that. Just so you can get a general picture of us. And yeah, to try and feel somewhat better.

 

50 minutes ago, Phil said:

What people think is really people’s business. It’s up to you if you make it your business. 

 

I want to prove people that I know wrong if they think it is inferior. It's like I have this urge to prove them wrong.

 

52 minutes ago, Phil said:

There’s probably lots of people who think they are above lots of people. That’s really their business. 

Ngl I do have a bit of superiority complex (just the type of thoughts that arise with the feelings of insecurity).

 

55 minutes ago, Phil said:

If you’re interested in being right about that they aren’t, that’s your business. 

There are just some people that obviously appear to think like that. If you're thinking like that then at least appear humble.

 

57 minutes ago, Phil said:
1 hour ago, fopylo said:

I like to talk with someone and have the feeling of "I support you, you support me. Together we'll reach our goals and make it" which really inspires me.

Yeah, that. ‘Be the change you wish to see.'

Whoa, we're half way there

Whoa oh, livin' on a prayer

Take my hand, we'll make it, I swear

Whoa oh, livin' on a prayer

 

This song gives the strongest vibe of "let's make it. We'll surely make it! Keep in touch!" Sorta vibe

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@fopylo

Sounds like he’s bonding with you and you are as well but also some old walls are popping up. Getting love might be an old way of thinkin, and allowing & receiving love without question of worth or deservedness might be a new experience. Roll with it. Enjoy it. 

 

44 minutes ago, fopylo said:

This song gives the strongest vibe of "let's make it. We'll surely make it! Keep in touch!" Sorta vibe

Yes. Absolutely. 100%. Also I totally get the ‘cute’ thing now that you added “Keep in touch!”

It’s endearing. It’s a great aspect. It’s touching in that it’s innocence. It’s funny in that it’s a little unexpected release of any seriousness.  

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@Phil

On 5/25/2023 at 1:11 AM, Phil said:

Yes. Absolutely. 100%. Also I totally get the ‘cute’ thing now that you added “Keep in touch!”

It’s endearing. It’s a great aspect. It’s touching in that it’s innocence. It’s funny in that it’s a little unexpected release of any seriousness.  

Hey man I actually do appreciate it, as well as you explaining what's meant behind those words.

Thank you for telling me it's innocence. Sometimes I interpret it as "little", "immature", "unmanly".

Also thanks for telling me my funny-ness is the unexpectedness of release of seriousness.

If someone were to compliment me that I'm good at relieving with my humor, and that my approach of innocence is inspiring love - I would feel much different about it. It surely feels better that way.

On 5/25/2023 at 1:11 AM, Phil said:

Roll with it.

What do you mean?

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@Phil Hey man, just wanted to say that recently I had some funny moments with this dude. It's a mixture of bonding and comparing.

 

Same goes with a different guy a mentioned in a different thread about him being similar to me yet better than me and that I don't like him and that I'm jealous of him... But also very recently we were bonding a bit - playing a game that involves physical contact.

 

It's cool to think how the same people can bring up feelings of jealousy and hate, and at other times bring up happiness and appreciation.

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@fopylo

So funny! Thought of you Saturday as well! The ‘boys were back in town’ lol, had a great time. All this ‘stuff’ with you and them… enjoy it to the fullest. It all goes by so quickly. It’s all seen so differently in hindsight, which of course is easy to say in hindsight… but again, enjoy as much as possible.

 

On 6/3/2023 at 3:05 PM, fopylo said:

It's cool to think how the same people can bring up feelings of jealousy and hate, and at other times bring up happiness and appreciation.

 Emotions… jealousy & hatred. The happiness / appreciation does seem to come & go, but that’s the amazing ‘thing’… you actually don’t. 🤍

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