Gang-stalking is real

[the system made me]

I realise I am fucked. There is nowhere to go from here. I can't tell people I know so fuck it. Everyone thinks I am crazy. I am terrified and simultaneously don't give a fuck. I'm just me. I don't have people to back me up. I don't have any power or influence. So yeah, gang-stalking is real. I've lived it for nine years. For some reason the physical torture hasn't started. I guess it will at some point. Maybe I'll get raped. Maybe I'll get some of the Havana Syndrome thing stuff. I suppose if it gets bad enough I can just dash a blade across my wrist. I'm not planning on doing that until my parents go. I'm fucked. I can't imagine the future anymore. It's just this and fear. I'm really scared. I don't know what to do. I feel like putting my head under the guillotine. I'm scared but I'm in a corner. I have nowhere to go. It's been a long time. It's hard. I had these ridiculous fantasies that these people liked me or respected me and that's why they spared me from physical torture. But they're just playing with me. It's torture. Fuck it. I'm scared. 

[the system made me]

So I left comments under the videos on the 'Rust Cage' channel on YouTube. I guess he'll see them as well as the other gang stalkers that watch his videos. I haven't a clue what will happen. I just don't know. I guess things will get worse for me and I won't be able to reverse what I've done. I left sarcastic comments. I guess it's the decent thing to do. To challenge them. They seem to live in a bubble where they are not challenged by anyone. All the comments, like all of them, are smug palsy walsy self-congratulating comments that imply they think they are so funny, when it's just sadism. There is so much evil in the world. I'm simultaneously scared and just don't fucking care anymore. I have been hiding for nine years. I have lived controlled by fear all my life. Fuck my siblings. Fuck gang-stalkers. Fuck addiction. I keep leaving the comment, "Gang-stalking is real", under YouTube videos. Fuck it. These people were never going to stop. They are probably going to physically torture me. Being scared won't stop that from happening. They'll probably frame me or drug me or something. I don't care anymore. I can't imagine the future. I feel so much shame and fear. I hope God gives me a quick death. I hope He doesn't labour the point. I feel so scared. 

[the system made me]

@Phil What would you do if you were Jean Seberg in the 1970s?  With your understanding, how would you proceed? If you were marked and you didn't know if you would be physically tortured and you are being psychologically tortured and stalked? What would your understanding bring to that?

[Phil]

@the system made me

I’m not familiar with Jean Seberg. I don’t know what you’re experiencing but I suspect it doesn’t have as much to do with gangs, youtube or stalking. It sounds like intense paranoia and or a panic attack or episode, which is not uncommon when one essentially goes from suppression to expression. 

 

I wouldn’t continue to comment on youtube, or watch content of that nature. 

 

Depending on what kind of shape you’re in emotionally and psychologically, I would self sooth and calm and see that the difficult emotions and thoughts will pass. It can be very difficult and challenging but it will pass. If that isn’t sufficient, I would go visit a local hospital and explain to them that you’re experiencing very intense thoughts and emotions and are having trouble calming. They will be able to help. They might assist with anything from an IV to a volume or something to help you relax. Simply being in their care &presence can be very reassuring. All nurses are truly angels and answer a calling, and want to help you to feel better. 

 

As far as self soothing, it’s all about presence. Breathing deeply into the stomach & allowing the body to relax, and ‘being where you are’. Shift attention from thoughts, to perception & sensation. Feel the breath. Feel the body relax. Feel the body touching the chair. Perception wise, labeling can help you to ground. While breathing & relaxing, say that is a lamp, that is a chair, that is a rug, etc. 

 

When there is suppressed emotion such as with trauma, and the desire arises to no longer be limited by the suppression… it comes ‘up & out’. Being aware of this is a big part of being able to relax and breathe and begin to calm. trust in the process. Trust in the body, it is pure intelligence. It knows what it’s doing and how to do it. As suppressed emotion comes ‘up & out’, it passes through the mind, and the mind attempts to ‘make sense’ of the emotions arising and emptying. The mind is very creative and can essentially weave narratives that the emotions which are difficult to experience as they release, are about someone trying to get you or wanting to harm you. Do labelling in that regard too. ‘That is a thought’, ‘that is an emotion’. Continue to ground; breathing, relaxing the entire body, focusing softly on perception. 

 

It can also be helpful and reassuring to notice that anything experienced isn’t you. So difficult thoughts and emotions, as they’re experienced, aren’t you. This helps to allow the nature of you to be more pronounced and present, and the true nature of you is peacefulness and goodness. 

 

I have to make a slight assumption here based on what you’ve shared, but it sounds like the things you’re concerned about are not happening presently. So you are safe. Reassure yourself of this over and over; I am present, I am safe. This will pass. 

 

This experience also sounds similar to a panic attack, so in addition to breathing, relaxing, and assuring yourself that you are safe and experiencing difficult thoughts & emotions, and the emptying out is what is wanted, you can do tapping:

 

 

Tapping on these points helps with grounding & presence, and sends the signal to the body and systems that everything is ok, and you are safe. Just tap lightly on any of the points in any order. 

 

This is a time when distraction can be very helpful and should be used. If you have a favorite comedy movie I would put that movie on. Any Disney movie is also great. 

 

Continue to relax & breathe and reassure yourself that you are ok, you are safe, and this will pass. Don’t engage in anything like making any decisions. Give yourself the ‘time off’ that you need, say out loud “I’m giving myself the rest of this day off just for me, for my well being”, and know that many people on the path experience similar difficult releases. In the bigger picture, releasing is what’s wanted. I know it can be very very difficult & challenging, but just continue to breathe and relax. 

 

Also reassure yourself that - you are loved. I love you & want the best for you. God loves you unconditionally. If you ask God, with your heart, for peace, calm and assurance you are loved & safe, God will provide. Anything that’s arising which if difficult - God can handle it. Give it to God. That is the proper thing to do. God is there for you, and there is nothing you need to do or be for God’s love. It is unconditional. 

[the system made me]

Hey @Phil, thanks very much for your message. That helps. Thank you. 

[the system made me]

So what do I do? My Dad is really angry with me. My parents cancelled their trip to Australia to visit my brother and his family. I'm becoming the insufferable addict. I feel ready to die now. It's life that scares me - pain, suffering. I just want to drink alcohol and have my heart stop. I'm so angry with my family. They're in denial about how my sister and brother treated me. 

 

Now I have to live with this stuff. I found a job I really like and they have popped up again. No one believes me, which is difficult. There has to be a God. This can't all be for no reason. I used to be a complete atheist. But now I believe so much in God. I believe He is love and truth. 

 

The emotions are hard. I've been masking them all my life. I want to get high. I don't want to feel this. I feel very low. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I think that's true. 

[Phil]

4 hours ago, the system made me said:

So what do I do?

The ‘ripping the band aid off’ would be to just admit you’re experiencing denial. To acknowledge there isn’t anything you need to do, because you’re already fine. To admit that the thought “I’m becoming” is, a thought, and there isn’t anyone becoming anything. To admit that the thought “It’s life that scares me” is, a thought, and there is no separate self which is scared, and that fear is an emotion felt, and that it’s thoughts which are felt. To admit anger is an emotion which is felt, and there isn’t no one which is angry. To admit “this stuff” isn’t something you have to live with at all, it’s how thoughts feel, and one can reach for better feeling thoughts, therein in as it were changing one’s own attitude / vibration in alignment with what is true, with honesty, with the truth. To admit you don’t need anyone to believe you nor understand you. To admit emotions are as hard as you’re making them, via holding beliefs and experiencing denial, vs inspecting beliefs and experiencing liberation. To admit that you’ve been masking emotion “your whole life” is a thought story, and emotion is how that thought story feels, and if you don’t like how it feels you’re already free to start telling a different, now, resonating, story, if telling a story at all. To respectfully recognize your parent and siblings are in the exact same boat and you are not above them or better than them or ‘right’ in anyway, nor are they. Essentially, care about how you feel, not about being right and others being wrong. Indeed ‘blessed are the poor in spirit’, as they are most fortunate to be in a position to discover the truth, and the truth does set you free. 

 

The ‘peeling the band aid off slowly’ would look like rehabilitation and therapy, expressively processing any trauma and discordant self referential beliefs and then proceeding to care for and mend relationships, and focus on the orientation that resonates in regard to your life. Also very true, ‘the meek shall inherit the earth’. 

[the system made me]

@Phil, thanks. Everything you wrote makes sense to me. I don't think I get it 100% but thanks. 

 

 

[the system made me]

I was thinking about why they are doing this to me. I realised that had they not done this I would be a different person. I would have said and done so many things that I never did. It's so hard. No one believes me. I have suffered and suffer. I have been diligent in attending to it for a while now. And it does so little. These people are never going to stop. Nobody notices it because I'm the only one it's happening to. Attaching to the thought that someone will figure it out or come to save me is a waste of time. Finding hope is a waste of time, except for the hope that after death I will go to Heaven and meet God. If that's not true and all there is after is nothing and consciousness ends then I won't be there to see it. 

 

The new guy at work is a psychopath I think. He's ever so charming and people really love him but he makes my internal organs wriggle around like an eel inside. I hate him. He copies my mannerisms and things I say. This has all been going on for nine years. I wish I were used to it. Every job I do, every course I study, everywhere I volunteer the same thing keeps happening. I've gone back and forth with thinking I am crazy and to this is real. Now they're not even trying to hide it anymore. They know I know. I know that they know that I know. 

 

The new girl jumps into conversations I am having and goes a level up over what I am saying. Any kind of positive interaction between me and someone else when she is around she jumps in or once she slammed the microwave door hard behind me when I was having a pleasant chat with someone at work. It's so hard. I love the job. I found something I can make work with everything, except for with them. I can see now that they will never stop and no one will believe me. My only hope is that God is real and that Heaven is real and that in the end my family will know the truth and everyone will know the truth. 

 

My first psychiatrist asked me what I was scared of. It took me eight years to figure out what it was. It's just emotions. But they're not just emotions. They're hell. It's not anxiety or depression. It's just shame and misery and anger and fear and rage. When people figure how to get inside of your psyche it's like having your emotions being raped. It feels like I am being violated. It's beyond hurting. There is the fear of when the physical torture will start. Will I get raped? Will I be injected with something? Will they use NLP on me again? Will I get run over by a car? Will I wake up in someone's basement and be held as a prisoner? It's hard to hold where this can go. 

 

I will snap eventually. I can only hold so much of this. It's horrible feeling like people are watching you all the time. I don't even trust God anymore. If He wants to torture me then that is what I will experience. I feel so lonely and alone. I feel so low. It hurts. I wish I had MDMA or Cocaine with me. I wish I had something to change the way that I feel. I have to go back to work next week and go through it all again. Every step I take wrong they will use it against me. Every time I mess up, they use it against me. They have been destroying my life for nearly a decade. I don't understand why people think this couldn't be real. I thought about that for a while once and it occurred to me that I think people believe what is convenient or helpful to believe. To think we live in a society where this kind of thing can happen to someone is too abhorrent and scary. So people just opt for, this guy must be crazy. 

 

I feel so very alone. Jean Seberg made this short movie called something like, "The Heights of Loneliness". It was in French. I tried to find it online but it's nowhere. I hope when I die I can meet her. When my parents die I will go to the nearest shop and buy alcohol, find a drug dealer, buy cocaine or MDMA and get drunk and high and kill myself. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm only here because of my parents. It really hurts, living through this. I am so sorry. I wish I could have been better. 

[spiritual dreams]

have you tried reporting to the police?

[the system made me]

I don't have any evidence of anything. I don't have anything to report. No one has hit me or stolen from me. It's just a waiting game. I don't know what will happen next. Every job new people pop up. I'm writing on here and I hate feeling so alone but I wouldn't encourage anyone to post here. Whoever these people are, whatever is behind them, I can't stop it. It's psychological torture. It's confronting the unknown. But it helps to be able to be honest like this. I won't show my face or my name. It just is what it is. If I report it to the police the worst that would happen is that I get sectioned. And that, I don't know what that would be like. They're around, these people. They look like everyone else but they're very different. I imagine they're really disagreeable, pretty conscientious and sadistic. It just helps to write it out. So I hope I can do that. 

[Phil]

There is nothing in perception or feeling against you or harming or hurting you.

Let the discordant thoughts go.

That is the one thing you haven't tried, and you can.

You are fully capable and fully empowered. 

 

If you’re battling suppressed trauma, know that therapy will help and it takes time.

Don’t feed into the suffering, let the thoughts go. Read the post above with the chart.

Self sooth. Calm down. Focus on breathing deeply & slowly. Focus on perception. Do the labeling. It works. 

 

[Phil]

Hate is how the thought ‘alone’ feels. Just the thought, whatever interpretation you are believing, feels.

The actuality of alone is love, and that is all you actually want to feel, and love is readily available because love = yourself.

Don’t be stubborn, let discordant thoughts go.

[Phil]

Every single time without exception, when you believe “I hate ______” you feel the discord of the thought / belief with the love that you are.

The belief you hate anything or anyone feels discordant because it simply isn’t true.

It’s good to express as an emotion, but the ‘torture’ is believing it’s true.

It isn’t. 

[Phil]

There is no “unknown”.

It’s actually you.

But you believe to the contrary.

And that is suffering.

The “unknown” is actually the love that you are.

[Phil]

Allow it to be obvious that you’ve got some momentum going with some beliefs, and it is only the beliefs which feel so discordant.

You are perfectly safe right now.

Everything is ok.

Relax and breathe and see this in your direct experience. 

[Phil]

This works very well. 

Be willing to ‘turn it around’.

 

Consider this later today, after de-escalating.

 

[Jonas Long]

@the system made methis forum is not the place you need to be looking to for help right now.  Honestly, @Phil should realize this and tell you what im going to tell you which is see a professional licensed psychiatrist, make an appointment right now, treat it like an absolutely necessary surgery, not a luxury.  Come back here and back to spirituality once you have your mental health well taken care of.  Your problems are clearly beyond the scope of anyone's ability to address here. 

[Phil]

@Jonas Long

I agree with therapy. It’s been mentioned & suggested numerous times specifically to @the system made me.

 

@Jonas Long

There seems to be a misunderstanding of the forum (and videos and group zoom calls and message) btw. If interested in clarity feel free to make a thread. 

[Jonas Long]

21 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Jonas Long

I agree with therapy. It’s been mentioned & suggested numerous times specifically to @the system made me.

 

@Jonas Long

There seems to be a misunderstanding of the forum (and videos and group zoom calls and message) btw. If interested in clarity feel free to make a thread. 

When someone is suffering mental health problems this type of rhetoric can do the opposite of what's intended and cause further destabilizing, as we've seen on the other forum.  I don't think you were much help with what happened there at all tbh.