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Kevin

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2 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@KevinAre you holding back your love to make sure she's loving you first? Is love a standoff? Is it really coming from two different directions? 

Well that relationship is from a couple years ago and yes. I definitely was doing that. That relationship made me realize I needed to set the tone in terms of love. Like if I’m with a woman and I love her I need to act that way and not wait for her to meet certain conditions.

 

Maybe I do that with everyone. 
 

Also part of my being this emotional might be the xanax withdrawals but it makes me sad as hell to think about how I’ve never been in love like that because I’ve always been in that standoff you mentioned.

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@Kevin Let yourself go. I love how this country song made a double meaning of that forever. Let it go, love is a flow, an endless spring always completely refreshed. Go straight to Source. People can hurt you, and it'll hurt, it'll burn like a fire, and it's cause that's the love of Source. Let it refine you. It's always a beautiful new opportunity. Let yourself go.  

 

There's nothing wrong with you. Let yourself off the hook. 

 

All a girlfriend is really is a friend, that's how it begins, that's all it becomes, really. Be a friend to yourself, and you'll attract all kinds of friends. Simple, but that's how it works. 

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Source doesn't know the difference between you or anyone else. Don't talk to yourself in a way you wouldn't talk to someone you love, or to someone you just met. Your subconscious is profound, really all it is is Awareness itself, what we all are, and it's innocent and open, it's like a little child, it takes in everything you say openly like a sponge. If you can't say anything nice about yourself, don't say anything at all. Some extremely wise words I heard @Kevinusing lately. Take it to heart, take it to your inner voice/ thoughts.

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41 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin Let yourself go. I love how this country song made a double meaning of that forever. Let it go, love is a flow, an endless spring always completely refreshed. Go straight to Source. People can hurt you, and it'll hurt, it'll burn like a fire, and it's cause that's the love of Source. Let it refine you. It's always a beautiful new opportunity. Let yourself go.  


 

I don’t usually like country music but the lyrics were beautiful. They really hit.

 

I don’t know why but I think I can’t.

41 minutes ago, Mandy said:

There's nothing wrong with you. Let yourself off the hook. 

 

All a girlfriend is really is a friend, that's how it begins, that's all it becomes, really. Be a friend to yourself, and you'll attract all kinds of friends. Simple, but that's how it works. 

There are times when I feel like a friend to myself and there are times like now where I don’t. And I don’t know why I go back and forth. I wish I could just feel good about myself. Of course life can be uncomfortable. I think the incredibly painful part is the belief it is my fault and it will always be bad.

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39 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Source doesn't know the difference between you or anyone else. Don't talk to yourself in a way you wouldn't talk to someone you love, or to someone you just met. Your subconscious is profound, really all it is is Awareness itself, what we all are, and it's innocent and open, it's like a little child, it takes in everything you say openly like a sponge. If you can't say anything nice about yourself, don't say anything at all. Some extremely wise words I heard @Kevinusing lately. Take it to heart, take it to your inner voice. 

Also thank you for your kind responses it means a lot. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this stuff. I usually hold it in besides for coming on this forum so I’m incredibly grateful.

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I’m sorry that your parents sucked. Mine did too. All parents suck. I’m a parent now, and I suck now also. As a member of the suck club, I’m doing my best. So did my parents. So did yours. Some days that ‘best’ looks pretty freakin awesome. Other days it’s horrible. 

But it is the best. There is no “other reality” to compare it to. It is perfection. It is the absolute best. 

 

The guidance is a whisper at first, just like the burn of the hand on the stove is a very minor burn at first. 

Hold it there, and it only burns worse. 

Now emotions are yelling at you. 

If I were in your shoes I’d listen, and that is the aim of this zen slap…

 

You’re casting yourself out of Heaven by eating from the tree of the knowledge of good & evil, good & bad, right & wrong. You very much (sorry not sorry🤍) believe you know good & evil, good & bad, right and wrong. But good & evil, good & bad and right & wrong don’t exist. This is why when you meditate daily you start feeling way better. It’s the absence of the (judgmental) thoughts / belief in being the knower of good & bad etc. You are the creator of your reality & you create your own heaven or hell in this way. 

 

You’re receiving real-time-guidance as the creator of reality with respect to every thought / every interpretation - without exception.

You’re refusing the guidance therein you feel the suffering of doing so.

You are that free. 

You are so free, you could hold your hand to the stove until your shoulder is melting. 

 

But, why?

Because in your infinite innocence, you don’t see how you’re doing it.  

 

The way you’re refuting the guidance is by conceptualizing and internalizing, as opposed to recognizing and honoring the guidance. What you’re trying to escape from is the recognition of this, which is to say, the receiving of the guidance. What free’s you as in leaves you feeling exactly how you want to feel is the recognition & allowing of the guidance. Non-aversion. How you want to feel is simply how you eternally are - unconditional. 

 

You believe it’s up to you wether you or anyone else is lovable. It isn’t. You & everyone are unconditionally love already. That’s Reality. 

You also believe there are feelings, as in plural. There isn’t. There’s emotions. 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

maybe complete forgiveness for my parents. I feel like there is some sort of link between forgiving my mom and my relationships with woman in a romantic sense improving. 

The link imo is… forgiveness, a thousand times yes… yet also, it’s enough to not continue to judge them by believing you know better, could do better, or are some kind of ‘ultimate knower of good & bad, right & wrong’. It’s easy to judge parents when you don’t even have kids. It’s exceptionally rare that a parent judges their own kids. There’s an Exception to every ‘rule’, but it’s exceptionally rare & when it does occur, it traces back to that parent’s childhood & the holding of judgment / withholding of judgement and refusal of emotional guidance. Usually parents feel a deeper than deep bond, and that is unconditional love - Reality. So yes, this is related to romance & relationships. Ask any woman you talk to… ‘if we go forward with a relationship, just so I know, do you prefer conditional judgmental love, or unconditional love’? 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:


Also forgiveness for myself. I think that everything is my fault.

Whatever it is, it is no more your fault than it is a blind man’s fault for tripping on a curb. Would you judge him or help him up? 

God-Love is unconditional & is therein always lifting you up. God/Love doesn’t know what judgement is, or even what “knowing” is. 

No wonder the beliefs feel discordant, yes?

LET GO. 🙏🏻 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

The reason I don’t feel a sense of community and that I don’t have a girlfriend is my fault and at times I hate that so much it feels like I don’t want to be alive. Just to specify I wouldn’t kill myself though. It’s more just I want to escape.

Judgment doesn’t resonate with the core of your being. Hate is an emotion - guidance which tells you so. Listen to it. Don’t run from it. It is liberation. Non-aversion. 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

I’m not positive I follow this last part but maybe the real belief is that parents didn’t do good enough and then I believe that’s why I’m fucked up.

The thought is what’s felt. “Not good enough”. It does not matter if that thought is about you or someone else - you’re feeling the judgement either way. You can tell that you, me, and everyone and everything under the sun is Good, by how the judgement feels. There is no “good enough”. 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Also I’ve been taking Xanax lately (not prescribed). I found that if I took it at night I’d wake up the next morning and I’d feel normal. However, my anxiety would be gone so I found it was easy to go up to girls I found attractive and talk to them. I knew this wasn’t sustainable so I never took it 2 consecutive days in around until few days ago. 

I’ve never taken Xanax so I don’t have a reference point. But I do listen to emotions, and being love is normal. Anxiety has been experienced, but it isn’t mine, it’s emotion getting louder. I stop and I listen. I do not know good & evil and I do not refute the other-worldliness of emotional guidance. Matter of fact, I welcome it. I hold it to be scared as immeasurable intelligence. ‘It’ is 99.9% of me. Imo, this is self-respect. Therein, there is no issue with self-esteem or confidence. Ever. 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

I’m stopping though because I feel absolutely awful today. It’s like the normal negative thought patterns but magnified to be like 2 times worse.

Negative does not exist, and as such is not normal. 

This is judging emotional guidance which is INFINITELY more intelligent and loving than you could ever be. 

Because you are an appearance of it. 

It, is you. 

“Kevin” is but a sound. A vibration. An appearance. As is all the world. 

All there is is love. 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

Also I’m worried I won’t be able to talk to girls without that aid. Part of me doesn’t think that’s true though because once the Xanax built that momentum there were days where I was completely off Xanax entirely and I was still able to talk to girls.

When you worry you are saying fuck you to self-love & emotional guidance. And synchronicity, beauty & magic but I digress. You will never get that time you spent worrying back. You can let worry go on a dime, right now, by recognizing self-love is allowing yourself to enjoy this moment, as it is, free of judgement. This is just Reality. This is absolutely free already. You are free. Which means you are free to judge, and you are free not to. You are free to harbor resentment and you are free to let it go. My two cents is pick based on feeling. I don’t know what your mom screwed up. Obviously it wasn’t some small thing, or at least it certainly wasn’t for anyone in your shoes. On behalf of her, the universe, I am sincerely sorry. But if you want to feel the innocence, the infinite eternal goodness that you literally actually are - don’t think - just call her. Right now. You don’t have to know what to say. You don’t have to know how it will go. Don’t think! Just pick up your phone and dial. Love never fails. You will see first hand how much love is in you to give and it will change the momentum, orientation and trajectory of your entire life. 

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24 minutes ago, Phil said:

I’m sorry that your parents sucked. Mine did too. All parents suck. I’m a parent now, and I suck now also. As a member of the suck club, I’m doing my best. So did my parents. So did yours. Some days that ‘best’ looks pretty freakin awesome. Other days it’s horrible. 

But it is the best. There is no “other reality” to compare it to. It is perfection. It is the absolute best. 

 

The guidance is a whisper at first, just like the burn of the hand on the stove is a very minor burn at first. 

Hold it there, and it only burns worse. 

Now emotions are yelling at you. 

If I were in your shoes I’d listen, and that is the aim of this zen slap…

 

You’re casting yourself out of Heaven by eating from the tree of the knowledge of good & evil, good & bad, right & wrong. You very much (sorry not sorry🤍) believe you know good & evil, good & bad, right and wrong. But good & evil, good & bad and right & wrong don’t exist. This is why when you meditate daily you start feeling way better. It’s the absence of the (judgmental) thoughts / belief in being the knower of good & bad etc. You are the creator of your reality & you create your own heaven or hell in this way. 

 

You’re receiving real-time-guidance as the creator of reality with respect to every thought / every interpretation - without exception.

You’re refusing the guidance therein you feel the suffering of doing so.

You are that free. 

You are so free, you could hold your hand to the stove until your shoulder is melting. 

 

But, why?

Because in your infinite innocence, you don’t see how you’re doing it.  

 

The way you’re refuting the guidance is by conceptualizing and internalizing, as opposed to recognizing and honoring the guidance. What you’re trying to escape from is the recognition of this, which is to say, the receiving of the guidance. What free’s you as in leaves you feeling exactly how you want to feel is the recognition & allowing of the guidance. Non-aversion. How you want to feel is simply how you eternally are - unconditional. 

 

You believe it’s up to you wether you or anyone else is lovable. It isn’t. You & everyone are unconditionally love already. That’s Reality. 

You also believe there are feelings, as in plural. There isn’t. There’s emotions. 

 

The link imo is… forgiveness, a thousand times yes… yet also, it’s enough to not continue to judge them by believing you know better, could do better, or are some kind of ‘ultimate knower of good & bad, right & wrong’. It’s easy to judge parents when you don’t even have kids. It’s exceptionally rare that a parent judges their own kids. There’s an Exception to every ‘rule’, but it’s exceptionally rare & when it does occur, it traces back to that parent’s childhood & the holding of judgment / withholding of judgement and refusal of emotional guidance. Usually parents feel a deeper than deep bond, and that is unconditional love - Reality. So yes, this is related to romance & relationships. Ask any woman you talk to… ‘if we go forward with a relationship, just so I know, do you prefer conditional judgmental love, or unconditional love’? 

 

Whatever it is, it is no more your fault than it is a blind man’s fault for tripping on a curb. Would you judge him or help him up? 

God-Love is unconditional & is therein always lifting you up. God/Love doesn’t know what judgement is, or even what “knowing” is. 

No wonder the beliefs feel discordant, yes?

LET GO. 🙏🏻 

 

Judgment doesn’t resonate with the core of your being. Hate is an emotion - guidance which tells you so. Listen to it. Don’t run from it. It is liberation. Non-aversion. 

 

The thought is what’s felt. “Not good enough”. It does not matter if that thought is about you or someone else - you’re feeling the judgement either way. You can tell that you, me, and everyone and everything under the sun is Good, by how the judgement feels. There is no “good enough”. 

 

I’ve never taken Xanax so I don’t have a reference point. But I do listen to emotions, and being love is normal. Anxiety has been experienced, but it isn’t mine, it’s emotion getting louder. I stop and I listen. I do not know good & evil and I do not refute the other-worldliness of emotional guidance. Matter of fact, I welcome it. I hold it to be scared as immeasurable intelligence. ‘It’ is 99.9% of me. Imo, this is self-respect. Therein, there is no issue with self-esteem or confidence. Ever. 

 

Negative does not exist, and as such is not normal. 

This is judging emotional guidance which is INFINITELY more intelligent and loving than you could ever be. 

Because you are an appearance of it. 

It, is you. 

“Kevin” is but a sound. A vibration. An appearance. As is all the world. 

All there is is love. 

 

When you worry you are saying fuck you to self-love & emotional guidance. And synchronicity, beauty & magic but I digress. You will never get that time you spent worrying back. You can let worry go on a dime, right now, by recognizing self-love is allowing yourself to enjoy this moment, as it is, free of judgement. This is just Reality. This is absolutely free already. You are free. Which means you are free to judge, and you are free not to. You are free to harbor resentment and you are free to let it go. My two cents is pick based on feeling. I don’t know what your mom screwed up. Obviously it wasn’t some small thing, or at least it certainly wasn’t for anyone in your shoes. On behalf of her, the universe, I am sincerely sorry. But if you want to feel the innocence, the infinite eternal goodness that you literally actually are - don’t think - just call her. Right now. You don’t have to know what to say. You don’t have to know how it will go. Don’t think! Just pick up your phone and dial. Love never fails. You will see first hand how much love is in you to give and it will change the momentum, orientation and trajectory of your entire life. 

Thank you Phil. What I’m hearing is let go. And I don’t know what’s good and bad. I don’t know that that girl flaking on me was bad but I’m insisting that it is which is painful. I was just thinking of calling my mom. I called she didn’t pick up. Im not tripping about that. I’ll call her later.

 

I wish there was a way to see that reality is unconditional love. It sounds right but I don’t have that unshakable faith in it that you seem to have.

 

I guess back to meditation and slowing down. I’ve been running from the guidance especially by taking Xanax. That’s the donkey chasing the stick. It’s frustrating because I always believed in right and wrong and you have to do things. Things gotta get done or else. When really what’s required here is stopping which for some reason is the last thing I want to do.

 

And like I said to Mandy I’m immeasurably grateful for this forum and you guys putting the time in for free to help and give some guidance. It means a lot.

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6 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Thank you Phil. What I’m hearing is let go. And I don’t know what’s good and bad. I don’t know that that girl flaking on me was bad but I’m insisting that it is which is painful. I was just thinking of calling my mom. I called she didn’t pick up. Im not tripping about that. I’ll call her later.

I’m glad you called her and excited for when she calls back. 🤍

 

6 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I wish there was a way to see that reality is unconditional love. It sounds right but I don’t have that unshakable faith in it that you seem to have.

I don’t have and have never had faith. Never ‘got it’ honestly. 

 

6 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I guess back to meditation and slowing down. I’ve been running from the guidance especially by taking Xanax. That’s the donkey chasing the stick. It’s frustrating because I always believed in right and wrong and you have to do things. Things gotta get done or else. When really what’s required here is stopping which for some reason is the last thing I want to do.

There really isn’t a future. This is it. There’s no rehearsal. This is what to enjoy and now is when to enjoy it. Stop being so hard on yourself! 🤍Self-love instead. 

 

6 minutes ago, Kevin said:

And like I said to Mandy I’m immeasurably grateful for this forum and you guys putting the time in for free to help and give some guidance. It means a lot.

🙏🏻 I think we’re good pointers to the guidance. 

 

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Kevin said:

I don’t know why but I think I can’t.

Can't what? 

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

 

There are times when I feel like a friend to myself and there are times like now where I don’t. And I don’t know why I go back and forth. I wish I could just feel good about myself. Of course life can be uncomfortable. I think the incredibly painful part is the belief it is my fault and it will always be bad.

Now is all you get, you don't even have to feel great now, just be moving in the direction of it and somehow you know you already do. Grace is like that. 

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

Also thank you for your kind responses it means a lot. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this stuff. I usually hold it in besides for coming on this forum so I’m incredibly grateful.

❤️

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5 hours ago, Mandy said:

Can't what? 
 

sorry that wasn’t too clear it’s more like sometimes the rumination on negative thoughts start and then the discord is interpreted as being my fault. Like if I were better I wouldn’t be focusing on the negative thoughts and feeling bad. It feels like I’m punishing myself and I deserve it. I don’t always thing like that. I feel better now. But when I’m really in a dark place that’s what it’s like and I think I can’t stop punishing myself.

5 hours ago, Mandy said:

Now is all you get, you don't even have to feel great now, just be moving in the direction of it and somehow you know you already do. Grace is like that. 

❤️

 

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5 hours ago, Phil said:

I’m glad you called her and excited for when she calls back. 🤍

 

I don’t have and have never had faith. Never ‘got it’ honestly. 


 

when you I say you never got it, do you mean you never got faith? Or do you mean you never got that reality is love? From here it seems like you have seen that reality is love. The assumption being that something happens to where it becomes apparent that reality is love. From here it doesn’t seem so clear. Although when you say reality is love it resonates. It feels good.

5 hours ago, Phil said:

There really isn’t a future. This is it. There’s no rehearsal. This is what to enjoy and now is when to enjoy it. Stop being so hard on yourself! 🤍Self-love instead. 


 

Gotcha self love is key. I went to jiu jitsu after my last message and I talked to everyone there and I felt the connection. I’m feeling the self love a little more now.

5 hours ago, Phil said:

🙏🏻 I think we’re good pointers to the guidance. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Kevin said:

when you I say you never got it, do you mean you never got faith?

I never ‘got’ faith, as in the concept never made any sense. Seems synonymous with just believing.  

But that “I” is implied communicatively. 

“It”, the “I”, does not actually exist. 

That there is an “I” is based on the belief that there is a “you”, an “other”, or “things”. 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Or do you mean you never got that reality is love?

There is no Phil.

There never has been, there isn’t, and there never will or could be. It isn’t possible. 

So there is no Phil which ‘gets’ anything such as reality is love.

Love is Me. I am Love. Love is Reality. I am Reality.

I’m appearing as what I’m calling “thoughts”.

One apparent thought is… “Phil”. 

“Phil” is a concept. An idea. A conception. 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

From here it seems like you have seen that reality is love.

… another thought potentially believed is “here”. The foundation of the illusion, the veil so to speak, which is illusory / doesn’t actually exist, is “I am here”. 

“I am here” is the overlooking of the actuality of self. That self is infinite, which means no finite. 

 

What goes unnoticed is the -this or that- dualistic apparent nature of thoughts.

“I am here” is based on the assumption that there is a “there”. Some “other place” which I am not. 

In accordance with so called direct experience, there simply isn’t a “there”. 

“Place” is actually the thought, “place”. 

“There” is never actually experienced. 

 

To ‘really get down to it’… (so to speak) look - at “the wall”.

It’s assumed “the wall” is something.  Some thing.  It’s assumed that there even is “some thing”, or separate things. 

More so, it’s assumed that there is “some thing” “beyond” or “on the other side of” “the wall”. 

I am what’s “on the other side of the wall”.

I am what “the wall” actually is. 

I am Nothing. As in not a thing. Appearing as, the wall. 

Only not-a-thing, formless and therein free of limitations & separations, could be appearing as, “things”. 

 

I am making it seem to me that there is a “world” by appearing as a sphere, in which appears “a world”, or “a universe”, “walls”, “people”, “animals”, “water”, “air”, “hydrogen”, etc, etc, etc. The ‘ten thousand things’.

 

I create as I seem to experience as if in this “universe” via appearing as another sphere, a lens as it were, a sphere of someway, by which there seems to be an experience of, “the world” I am being, by appearing as. 

 

“The world” or “universe”, or the use of the word ‘reality’ in that way, is actually a sphere. For communication… the ‘somewhere-sphere’, or, the appearance of me, as “somewhere”. Another usage of the word “reality” is to point to what is real, as in absolutely eternally being & unchanging. I am reality. I = reality. Reality is Me. 

 

More specifically, the thought “somewhere” appears as the lens, or someway-sphere, because I am so called infinite intelligence. 

By appearing as the someway-sphere, the ‘lens’, it automatically makes infinite intelligence seems like one finite thought at a time. This, or that. 

Just like a magnifying lens makes it seem like there is magnification. 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

The assumption being that something happens to where it becomes apparent that reality is love.

The illusion (of believing appearing thoughts) is that there is a separate self. That Unconditional Love, which is Me, is a “Phil” or a “Kevin”. A subject which is perceiving objects. A subject which is becoming, and could become awake or enlightened. A subject which could become - what already is the actuality. Or a subject for whom it becomes apparent that reality is love. This never happens, because there is no subject & object, or subjective & objective, or subjective experience & objective experience. Without beliefs / the believing of thoughts, only the absolute, unchanging eternally, truth remains. The truth already ‘was’ / is, and will always be. Put another way, from ‘your’ perspective, Phil will die. In direct experience, ‘from Phil’s perspective’, death will never be experienced because death is an illusion of believing thoughts, and therein believing Love is a separate thing, a separate self, an “identity” - “Phil”. That there is perception from Phil’s perspective… and… from Kevin’s perspective… is an assumption derived of believing the thoughts, that there is. In truth there is one being, and apparent ‘experience’. 

 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

From here it doesn’t seem so clear. Although when you say reality is love it resonates. It feels good.

Yep. This is because, essentially, you’re blind. You have no eyes. You can not see. You have no ears. You can not hear. 

By appearing as the spheres, you make it seem like you can. 

You perfectly make it seem so, because you are perfection. 

Anything you appear as is perfection, because you can not be what you are not, and will slays be what you are. 

And because what you are is infinite, what you are can neither be thunk or spoken. 

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Gotcha self love is key. I went to jiu jitsu after my last message and I talked to everyone there and I felt the connection. I’m feeling the self love a little more now.

 

 

🙂

 

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4 hours ago, Kevin said:

sorry that wasn’t too clear it’s more like sometimes the rumination on negative thoughts start and then the discord is interpreted as being my fault. Like if I were better I wouldn’t be focusing on the negative thoughts and feeling bad. It feels like I’m punishing myself and I deserve it. I don’t always thing like that. I feel better now. But when I’m really in a dark place that’s what it’s like and I think I can’t stop punishing myself.

 

That's really quite amazing though. You've seen through it. You see how ruthlessly unselective the lens of the bottom of the scale emotions are, they'll take any subject and turn it mucky gray. That doesn't mean at all that's the color you really are, you just look gray because that's the color of the lens you're trying to look back at yourself with. The subject of Kevin is just another subject. Christmas seems like a really stupid idea when you're feeling discouraged and so does spirituality, and girls, and stocks and every other subject in the world, UNLESS it inspires you to feel a little bit better. The subject of Kevin is not likely to be a topic that releases resistance if Kevin if your favorite subject to blame when you feel blame, or that you believe is hopeless when you feel discouraged. When you feel the guidance of those emotions try picking subjects that don't have much momentum or practiced discordant thought if you pick any subjects at all. Next time you feel like absolute garbage try to really think about kitchen appliances. See if you can give that subject momentum. 

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Really nice thread. Good questions and responses. Awesome guys.

 

@Kevinone thing: if you find “yourself” in this negative loop of thoughts, try breath deeply into your stomach for atleast 15 min. Its way easier than meditation which is basicly impossible once you are already feeling alot of restistance, but deep breathing really changes things around. And the trick is to not stop After 2-3 min because it seems to not do anything. If you continue your focus will slowly move away from whatever you focus on and everything will change. I did this today and this day just been flowing with good vibes.

nothing new of course, but feeling good can be really simple. 

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9 hours ago, Mandy said:

That's really quite amazing though. You've seen through it. You see how ruthlessly unselective the lens of the bottom of the scale emotions are, they'll take any subject and turn it mucky gray. That doesn't mean at all that's the color you really are, you just look gray because that's the color of the lens you're trying to look back at yourself with. The subject of Kevin is just another subject. Christmas seems like a really stupid idea when you're feeling discouraged and so does spirituality, and girls, and stocks and every other subject in the world, UNLESS it inspires you to feel a little bit better. The subject of Kevin is not likely to be a topic that releases resistance if Kevin if your favorite subject to blame when you feel blame, or that you believe is hopeless when you feel discouraged. When you feel the guidance of those emotions try picking subjects that don't have much momentum or practiced discordant thought if you pick any subjects at all. Next time you feel like absolute garbage try to really think about kitchen appliances. See if you can give that subject momentum. 

This is a good idea. I definitely notice that when I’m feeling good all those topics seem optimistic. When I’m feeling good it feels like I can make music and meet a girlfriend. When I’m feeling hopeless though nothing seems like it will work out.

 

Definitely seems like I get trapped in despair often lately.

 

focusing on something else is most likely the solution. Even kitchen appliances I guess lol.

 

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2 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

Really nice thread. Good questions and responses. Awesome guys.

 

@Kevinone thing: if you find “yourself” in this negative loop of thoughts, try breath deeply into your stomach for atleast 15 min. Its way easier than meditation which is basicly impossible once you are already feeling alot of restistance, but deep breathing really changes things around. And the trick is to not stop After 2-3 min because it seems to not do anything. If you continue your focus will slowly move away from whatever you focus on and everything will change. I did this today and this day just been flowing with good vibes.

nothing new of course, but feeling good can be really simple. 

I tried this and it helped halt the negative momentum. It’s good to be reminded of these things. When the momentum gets going pretty hard towards despair it’s easy to forget.

thank you.

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16 hours ago, Phil said:

I never ‘got’ faith, as in the concept never made any sense. Seems synonymous with just believing.  

But that “I” is implied communicatively. 

“It”, the “I”, does not actually exist. 

That there is an “I” is based on the belief that there is a “you”, an “other”, or “things”. 

 

There is no Phil.

There never has been, there isn’t, and there never will or could be. It isn’t possible. 

So there is no Phil which ‘gets’ anything such as reality is love.

Love is Me. I am Love. Love is Reality. I am Reality.

I’m appearing as what I’m calling “thoughts”.

One apparent thought is… “Phil”. 

“Phil” is a concept. An idea. A conception. 

… another thought potentially believed is “here”. The foundation of the illusion, the veil so to speak, which is illusory / doesn’t actually exist, is “I am here”. 

“I am here” is the overlooking of the actuality of self. That self is infinite, which means no finite. 

 

What goes unnoticed is the -this or that- dualistic apparent nature of thoughts.

“I am here” is based on the assumption that there is a “there”. Some “other place” which I am not. 

In accordance with so called direct experience, there simply isn’t a “there”. 

“Place” is actually the thought, “place”. 

“There” is never actually experienced. 

 

To ‘really get down to it’… (so to speak) look - at “the wall”.

It’s assumed “the wall” is something.  Some thing.  It’s assumed that there even is “some thing”, or separate things. 

More so, it’s assumed that there is “some thing” “beyond” or “on the other side of” “the wall”. 

I am what’s “on the other side of the wall”.

I am what “the wall” actually is. 

I am Nothing. As in not a thing. Appearing as, the wall. 

Only not-a-thing, formless and therein free of limitations & separations, could be appearing as, “things”. 

 

I am making it seem to me that there is a “world” by appearing as a sphere, in which appears “a world”, or “a universe”, “walls”, “people”, “animals”, “water”, “air”, “hydrogen”, etc, etc, etc. The ‘ten thousand things’.

 

I create as I seem to experience as if in this “universe” via appearing as another sphere, a lens as it were, a sphere of someway, by which there seems to be an experience of, “the world” I am being, by appearing as. 

 

“The world” or “universe”, or the use of the word ‘reality’ in that way, is actually a sphere. For communication… the ‘somewhere-sphere’, or, the appearance of me, as “somewhere”. Another usage of the word “reality” is to point to what is real, as in absolutely eternally being & unchanging. I am reality. I = reality. Reality is Me. 

 

More specifically, the thought “somewhere” appears as the lens, or someway-sphere, because I am so called infinite intelligence. 

By appearing as the someway-sphere, the ‘lens’, it automatically makes infinite intelligence seems like one finite thought at a time. This, or that. 

Just like a magnifying lens makes it seem like there is magnification. 

 

The illusion (of believing appearing thoughts) is that there is a separate self. That Unconditional Love, which is Me, is a “Phil” or a “Kevin”. A subject which is perceiving objects. A subject which is becoming, and could become awake or enlightened. A subject which could become - what already is the actuality. Or a subject for whom it becomes apparent that reality is love. This never happens, because there is no subject & object, or subjective & objective, or subjective experience & objective experience. Without beliefs / the believing of thoughts, only the absolute, unchanging eternally, truth remains. The truth already ‘was’ / is, and will always be. Put another way, from ‘your’ perspective, Phil will die. In direct experience, ‘from Phil’s perspective’, death will never be experienced because death is an illusion of believing thoughts, and therein believing Love is a separate thing, a separate self, an “identity” - “Phil”. That there is perception from Phil’s perspective… and… from Kevin’s perspective… is an assumption derived of believing the thoughts, that there is. In truth there is one being, and apparent ‘experience’. 

 

 

Yep. This is because, essentially, you’re blind. You have no eyes. You can not see. You have no ears. You can not hear. 

By appearing as the spheres, you make it seem like you can. 

You perfectly make it seem so, because you are perfection. 

Anything you appear as is perfection, because you can not be what you are not, and will slays be what you are. 

And because what you are is infinite, what you are can neither be thunk or spoken. 

 

 

🙂

 

I gotta watch that second video also this is a lot to take in. I don’t know what to say. The one apparent experience always trips me up though. Always makes me start to think of solipsism and aloneness

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14 hours ago, Kevin said:

This is a good idea. I definitely notice that when I’m feeling good all those topics seem optimistic. When I’m feeling good it feels like I can make music and meet a girlfriend. When I’m feeling hopeless though nothing seems like it will work out.

Yeah, believing stuff when you're feeling bad is like trying to operate machinery while drunk. 

 

14 hours ago, Kevin said:

Definitely seems like I get trapped in despair often lately.

"Love is never wasted because its value does not rest upon reciprocity." -CS Lewis

You came to love fully, results, recognition, reciprocity from particular people, and particular means of which be damned.

 

 Youtube Channel  

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9 hours ago, Kevin said:

I gotta watch that second video also this is a lot to take in. I don’t know what to say. The one apparent experience always trips me up though. Always makes me start to think of solipsism and aloneness

When the discordant mental connotation of love arises, don’t be stubborn, feel how off (WRONG) the connotation is, let it go and actually love, Love. 👍🏼 Listen to yourself already. Life is apparently short. 

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7 hours ago, Phil said:

When the discordant mental connotation of love arises, don’t be stubborn, feel how off (WRONG) the connotation is, let it go and actually love, Love. 👍🏼 Listen to yourself already. Life is apparently short. 

Yeah sorry I feel like I’m beating a dead horse here but I feel like I’m in some kind of crisis. I feel super anxious, no appetite, barely slept for 2 days. Something feels really off. I might be sick. Idk maybe I need time

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